Ex wants to take kids to Gulf Shores in 3 weeks

[Anonymous]

These are actually family members, not me personally.

Ex-husband wants to take a 6 year old and a just-turned 4 year old to Gulf Shores, AL with his new wife and her two kids (15 and 12) at the end of June. It would be an 11 hour drive.

Cases are spiking in Alabama. The video and pictures from GS last weekend are stunning.

Unfortunately once the youngest is 4 (a week before the planned trip), he is entitled to a week straight with them in the summer, and the custody agreement doesn't say they can't go out of state. However, 2 nights in a row at home is the longest he has ever taken them, and that is maybe once a month. Most weeks he gets them 5 hours one evening and 7 hours one weekend day. He has never traveled anywhere with them - not even a 2 hour day trip to the next largest city with a zoo. He is not the most patient dad and generally grumbles about crowds, so I feel really bad for the kids. It is not going to be a good time.

Sad for the ex-wife, they are being cautious about COVID, not taking the kids with when they go to the grocery store, etc. Although I can't believe her attorney didn't put anything in there about going out of state. They do live in a tri-state area but you could still define a radius outside which the other parent has to approve.

[Anonymous]

The new wife would probably be relieved if you said no. Right?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, even without Covid-19, it sounds like he wouldn't be able to handle it. WHY does he want to do this, exactly? The ex has to persuade him not to, and point out that teens and little kids don't mix well. His new wife probably won't want to babysit either, after raising her own kids.

[Anonymous]

Check with her divorce attorney, my understanding is a child cannot be taken out of state with out other parent’s permission. Doesn’t have to be in the divorce agreement (but can be otherwise...for example, no permission is required to travel to Maryland or Virginia).

[Anonymous]

If I were her, I might try to nicely push back on this plan due to covid. As someone who dates divorced dads and is super worried about covid as my boyfriend passes his kids back and forth....it's possible she feels the same as the mom does, in which case the mom might be able to talk him out of it.

THe problem is also, if the kids were older, she might be able to make them quarantine when they get home, but given their ages that would be tough to do.

[Anonymous]

I'd try to dissuade it, but there is likely not much you can do. My ex took DC to the OC boardwalk this past weekend and there is nothing I can do about it.

That really does sound like a miserable trip for everyone.

[Anonymous]

He’s their dad and it’s a vacation. I have no idea why you assume it wouldn’t be fun for the kids? And why would there be a rule about taking them out of state? It doesn’t make sense; there are plenty of crowds in state he could take them to, anyway. It’s unfortunate they have different risk tolerances but that is always the case with divorce and co-parenting.

[Anonymous]

You should let them go. If he is the way you say he is, this trip will be the last for many, many years. Either he blows up or his new wife says she didn't sign up for that.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. I don't think they should go right now but I think its sad that the kids aren't allowed any real time with Dad before age four, which is when the primary bonding takes place. You are saying the kids don't know dad as they haven't spent much time with Dad and yet, they don't spend much time because of the Mom and custody order. Dad cannot win. However, given there are no ICU beds, I would not want them to go but its Dad's time and choice. I hope he takes her to court to modify the order.

[Anonymous]

Do you get along with the new wife? If so, any way you could suss out what her feelings are on this?

I don't know that it's worth standing in the way of this trip. COVID doesn't generally hit kids, so your kids are probably safe from a health standpoint. And there are worse things than having a tense road trip with potential fun at the end of it.

I had to let my daughter accompany her dad to Ohio last week. I wasn't 100% thrilled about her going somewhere and mingling with a bunch of people, but she had fun and dad's family was really happy to see her. I had to swallow the minimal health risk for the sake of family relations.

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 4 y/o and I wouldn't want to be in the car with him for 11 hours.

[Anonymous]

Do they have a vehicle large enough to fit 6 people?

Gulf Shores is near Mobile Alabama. I would discourage it simply because none of those people are used to keeping an eye on little kids and things can go wrong quickly at the beach. Plus, with that age spread, everyone will have a different agenda. The littler kids will get worn out and the bigger kids will want to do putt putt and go cart rides, etc.

[Anonymous]

No.