Anxiety and mega tantrums. 5yo

[Anonymous]

Have any tips on talking a kid down from the ledge appreciated. She’s punching hitting and scratching we don’t do exactly what she demands, or turn the TV off. i’m too tired to hear anything negative. It would be especially helpful to hear from parents that have sensitive children. She’s wicked smart and very emotional. We talked about calm down methods when she is more relaxed but it all goes out the window when she’s flared up. (Breathing, counting, calm down corner, rolling on floor, hugging tightly or holding her gently, giving space..) nothing is working.

There were several major flares today and I finally lost it and yelled back. She was rightly crushed. I’m so upset and feel terribly sad, like I’m failing her. Also worn the hell out from the high emotions. She’s a loving girl and I’m so afraid of messing her up by not being calm and steady. We’re lost and being cooped up is exacerbating this already existing problem.

I’m going to try to be outside more tomorrow to see if that helps. Really struggling. Thoughtful advice appreciated.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I’ve tried to meditate or do yoga with her...but the attention span is not there. And I haven’t had much privacy to do that on my own either. Likely a factor in this as well.

[Anonymous]

1, 2, 3 Magic did wonders for my highly social anxious DS at that age and a bit before. He was doing all the things you are describing. I had to realize that I was at fault for being a Gestapo officer and not a mom who understood her kids and their needs too. So, when in the middle of the show, I started to say, when this show is over we are going to grocery store. Then five minutes before the end of this show, I would say, now remember when this is over, we will brush teeth, put shoes on and go to the car to do our shopping.
I realized that I would throw a fit too if someone ordered me to get ready now, get the shoes now, get out now! With anxiety kids negative reinforcement and ordering them does not work. I was essentially creating the whole tantrum and the fit with being inconsiderate and not explaining what we were doing. At 5, that is not going to work as it might at 1.

[Anonymous]

My kid is like that. Exactly. The best I've found is to read her mood and try to inject things into her life to counter the anxiety. We'll do silly dance parties to lighten the mood. Bike rides to get out stress. Cuddles to sooth nerves. Yoga to calm. Read books for a break from reality. Honestly, it's a ton of work. But she isn't yet capable of managing her anxiety herself. When she is feeling anxious she has a hair pin trigger and goes from one spectacular meltdown to the next. The other day she screamed and threw things at me because I offered her a cupcake for breakfast. It's totally irrational. I'm trying to teach her to go to these things herself when she feels tense, before she gets herself in trouble and melts. But she's 6. It will be a while.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, both. This helped.

[Anonymous]

I know this won’t be popular but when my kids got like this I went cold turkey no screens and the transformation was magical. Then gradually reintroduce them slowly after a few weeks or a month if you even want to.

Even now with my tweens we go on screen diets when they are having emotional regulation issues.

[Anonymous]

My previously mostly happy kid is definitely experiencing more moodiness, stubbornness and anxiety now, and I feel like I'm failing him all the time (both emotionally, and intellectually, by being unable to make daily progress on reading, math, etc while working and taking care of his baby brother). Going outside more definitely helps but it's SO HARD some days when it's a 30 minute endeavor just to get shoes on and we alao have to do it between work calls and nap time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is like that. Exactly. The best I've found is to read her mood and try to inject things into her life to counter the anxiety. We'll do silly dance parties to lighten the mood. Bike rides to get out stress. Cuddles to sooth nerves. Yoga to calm. Read books for a break from reality. Honestly, it's a ton of work. But she isn't yet capable of managing her anxiety herself. When she is feeling anxious she has a hair pin trigger and goes from one spectacular meltdown to the next. The other day she screamed and threw things at me because I offered her a cupcake for breakfast. It's totally irrational. I'm trying to teach her to go to these things herself when she feels tense, before she gets herself in trouble and melts. But she's 6. It will be a while.

This. You need to find how how best to help her calm down while validating her feelings till she's old enough to do it herself. With mine, a tight hug and cuddle in a chair for a while was the only thing that really worked. Time outs, on the other hand, sent her spiraling.

She's now 10 and much better able to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this won’t be popular but when my kids got like this I went cold turkey no screens and the transformation was magical. Then gradually reintroduce them slowly after a few weeks or a month if you even want to.

Even now with my tweens we go on screen diets when they are having emotional regulation issues.

This is also true too. The screens make them all bent out of shape from time to time. But these days, its a delicate balance!

[Anonymous]

My anxiety the size of a planet

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post! My 4.5 yr old has diagnosed anxiety and it is at peak these days. And the regressions...clingy, wont sleep in bed, thumb sucking...

If we could see a child psychologist in person now I would but DD refuses Skype / telehealth...

I’ll try 1,2,3 magic

[Anonymous]

This sounds very much like my 5 year old. I have found that the more outdoor time, the less moodiness and meltdowns. It’s hard to do when working full time but DH and I rotate being outside and working.

[Anonymous]

Lots of the above and a low dose of an SSRI

[Anonymous]

i have five year old twins and one is exactly like this. I tend to ignore it and try to re-direct her. If I can't re-direct, I just let her tantrum and don't give attention to it. It's helped that she realizes that she doesn't get what she wants when she acts out.

Also, I find that getting her out early for exercise helps immensely. If I can get her out for 1-2 hours before lunch time, she is like a different person. If I really need to change the mood, I "add water." Any water - bath, shower, our pool, sprinkler, water table, whatever. Water activities almost always change her mood.

Do NOT put her on prescription drugs - that's insane. Children are having a very difficult time with this pandemic and lashing out is normal. This age is hard and I would try several approaches before just going with meds. She needs to learn coping skills.

I would encourage you to take a PEP Parenting class - they are very helpful and straightforward. I learned a lot about relying on the natural consequences to bad behavior and it's working. Good luck.

http://pepparent.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried to meditate or do yoga with her...but the attention span is not there. And I haven’t had much privacy to do that on my own either. Likely a factor in this as well.

Try Cosmic Kids on Amazon Prime. It's kids yoga but it's like a little tv show and each episode has a theme and I find the younger kids are more engaged when there is a storyline.