Feeling trapped

[Anonymous]

I'm normally a very active person - running, swimming, biking, walking, whatever you can do outdoors. Up until a few months ago I ran a business that took me outdoors a lot and kept me very busy. Now I'm trapped in my house with a husband who is driving me effing crazy and an elementary aged son who is suffering through fcps distance "learning."

My husband insists I should be here every day from 10-4pm (the distance learning hours) to help my son with it, but it's such a complete waste of time and makes my son totally miserable and me miserable too. After that I'm supposed to cook dinner for everyone, and by the time everyone has eaten it's almost dark outside and we can't do anything. Every time I come up with an idea to get us out of the house - go on a bike riding trip or kayaking or something - my husband says it takes too much time out of the day and my son should be doing schoolwork. So we are all trapped here and I am really feeling unhappy, angry, and stressed out. We can't do anything on weekends because everything is too crowded and we have to help out the older relatives those days anyway.

I just want to make my own decisions and my own schedule and don't think at my age I need to consult with my husband, who has become incredibly controlling since this all started. I feel completely trapped.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to adjust your mindset. We are all "trapped" if that's how you define it. I mean, this sucks but it is temporary. Your son probably does need to be home to "attend" school. Isn't that the kind of sacrifice parents make? You are approaching all of this with a negative attitude and that is probably coming across to everyone at home. You can still do things on the weekend. You can do things after school - eat a little later, if you need to, or cook during the day and just heat it up at dinner time. You don't have to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

So your son doesn’t go outside and do anything active all day? Six hours is a long time for distance learning without any breaks. Maybe you can tell you husband you will split the six hours- 8-11 then 1-4. From 11-1 you and your son do a fun activity.

[Anonymous]

Just do what you and your son want. Distance learning is almost done for the summer anyway.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you go out and do one activity on your own in the am before 10, and then you can go outside with your son during his break/recess/PE whatever once an afternoon. Then you can do a longer activity on the weekends. That should give you some stress relieving moments during each day and you can still be there for distance learning. It’s hard but you can definitely work in activity time with your daily schedule.

[Anonymous]

How many weeks to Summer? No on-line learning.

[Anonymous]

What happened to your business?

What is your husband doing during the hours he is trying to dictate your schedule? Is he helping your son at all?

You are a grown up. If you want to go for a run during a weekday, go for a run.

[Anonymous]

Say no to him. That's it. Why are you saying yes to every unreasonable demand of his? Cook dinner ahead of time and let him heat up leftovers. Whatever, just find a time at least a few days a week where you can get out. Maybe he's dealing with feeling out of control by trying to control you, but that's his problem to deal with. "I made a double portion of pasta tonight for you to reheat tomorrow." Encourage him to get some breaks, too.

[Anonymous]

"I'm suppose to ..."

huh?

Op, you decide your life, not your husband. If you were single, how would your day be? Probably not terribly different. Your kids needs schooling. Meals need to be fixed. But you've got to have a different mindset re: empowerment. You decide. Step back and make decisions re: how YOU decide to do things.

[Anonymous]

That would drive me insane. Maybe draw up a schedule with breaks. My kids take a 30-60 minute break around lunch time. And then they are often done by 2pm with other classwork. We have the opposite rules - have to be outside for at least an hour a day to get tv. If you want to take a longer break - 2-3 hours to do an activity then your son could do schoolwork 9-12, outside 12-3, homework 3-6.

Yes, school is almost over as many posters have pointed out but this problem lies deeper to me. Have you told your husband how difficult you find that? Did he used to work outside of the house? Maybe he is missing having minions to control so transferring it over to you? You need to stand up calmly for your parenting and talk to him about all of it. A good marriage requires painful communication

[Anonymous]

Your husband can bite me. Learning is way more than schoolwork. And these schools were not ready for this. Experiences are learning, too. Just ignore him and do what you want.

‐Mom of a half homeschooled half PGCPS daughter who is wiser beyond her years.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your husband is the control type. Why do you have to listen to his every demand? Find a happy medium for both your sons school work and other activities so you all aren't miserable. Your marriage sounds more like a dictatorship, no thanks.