How to get ExH to spend more time with kids?

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to require a parent to spend more time with their children years after a divorce settlement? Children are mainly with mom and spend every other weekend with dad. Mom wants dad to be more engaged with children and increase length of his weekend visits.

All I can find is info for people trying to get a judge to grant them more time, not less. Is it possible to do this, or would the disengaged parent have to be the one that makes that request of a court?

[Anonymous]

has mother spoken directly to father? I would start there, not here.

[Anonymous]

Not OP- same boat and general schedule. I have talked to Ex about taking more time, particularly during lockdown. He says that he is open to it but when I suggest days or ask if he is available, he never is and he never follows-up to see if DCs are available for more time. I don’t know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Of course mother has spoken with father. His new wife is opposed to him agreeing to any changes to the settlement agreement, on principle. In the absence of a voluntary revision, mom would have to petition the court to change the agreement.

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for quality time? Because you can't force that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course mother has spoken with father. His new wife is opposed to him agreeing to any changes to the settlement agreement, on principle. In the absence of a voluntary revision, mom would have to petition the court to change the agreement.

Projecting much???

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you seek 50/50 from the onset? Because you wanted more child support? This is what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a way to require a parent to spend more time with their children years after a divorce settlement? Children are mainly with mom and spend every other weekend with dad. Mom wants dad to be more engaged with children and increase length of his weekend visits.

All I can find is info for people trying to get a judge to grant them more time, not less. Is it possible to do this, or would the disengaged parent have to be the one that makes that request of a court?

translation: mom has a new guy and wants to see him in the week and have him sleep over without upsetting the kids. and mom wants to change the goal posts continually to suit her needs and desires, which is probably why mom is divorced in the first place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. These are really odd responses.

At the time of the divorce, the dad wanted visits of no more than 24 hours with his kids. So, the idea that mom would have asked for 50/50 makes no sense.

Mom is in the same relationship she's been in for the past few years, so no change there. No plans to become engaged or move in, and kids don't interact with him.

Child support would only go down if the kids saw more of their dad, so the mean comments don't even make sense.

Yes, basically trying to increase quality time as the kids have gotten older and realize how strange it is that their dad doesn't want to be more involved in their lives. I think you're right that this can't be forced but it's a shame.

[Anonymous]

Not OP- same boat and general schedule. I have talked to Ex about taking more time, particularly during lockdown. He says that he is open to it but when I suggest days or ask if he is available, he never is and he never follows-up to see if DCs are available for more time. I don’t know what to tell you.

This is what I don't get. There should be a way for parents to renegotiate and formalize more involvement of either parent that doesn't depend on the less "interested" one doing it.

Kids and their needs change over time, and sometimes more or less time with the other parent can be what would serve the child best. But there doesn't seem to be a way for the custodial parent who has the legal right to more time to give some of their time to the other parent.

[Anonymous]

You married the guy and carried his children. So this is what you have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Do the kids ask him? Not that it matters because it sounds like the new wife is dictating the situation anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you seek 50/50 from the onset? Because you wanted more child support? This is what happens.

+1, Dad's lost the attachment and being primary parent. You choose primary parent and now want more time as you have kids 24/7 no child care. If it were not for this time, you would not want him involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These are really odd responses.

At the time of the divorce, the dad wanted visits of no more than 24 hours with his kids. So, the idea that mom would have asked for 50/50 makes no sense.

Mom is in the same relationship she's been in for the past few years, so no change there. No plans to become engaged or move in, and kids don't interact with him.

Child support would only go down if the kids saw more of their dad, so the mean comments don't even make sense.

Yes, basically trying to increase quality time as the kids have gotten older and realize how strange it is that their dad doesn't want to be more involved in their lives. I think you're right that this can't be forced but it's a shame.

Not your kids or situation so stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a way to require a parent to spend more time with their children years after a divorce settlement? Children are mainly with mom and spend every other weekend with dad. Mom wants dad to be more engaged with children and increase length of his weekend visits.

All I can find is info for people trying to get a judge to grant them more time, not less. Is it possible to do this, or would the disengaged parent have to be the one that makes that request of a court?

translation: mom has a new guy and wants to see him in the week and have him sleep over without upsetting the kids. and mom wants to change the goal posts continually to suit her needs and desires, which is probably why mom is divorced in the first place.