how to handle a happy mothers day wish from ....

[Anonymous]

a good friend that you know has experienced a miscarriage.

I had several friends send me "happy mother's day" messages. Two of these friends that did this, I know suffered a miscarriage in the last year. I was tempted to say something along the lines of "happy mothers day to you too" to acknowledge this day might be hard for them, but I decided against it .... and just said a simple thanks.

Now I am over thinking this, should I have wished them one as well? I know they WANT to be mothers, but I don't know if they wanted to be reminded of that on mothers day ... I struggled with fertility, but never had a miscarriage, so I know how hard it is to WANT to be a mother but life isn't ready to allow it yet.

thoughts?

[Anonymous]

It would not have been you reminding them that it was Mother's Day - they already know and felt their pain.

My best friend struggled with infertility for years and never successfully had a child. She would wish me a Happy Mother's Day without fail and I'd always drop her a note or text saying thanks and thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

[Anonymous]

"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

Thank you! I think some of this is happening with my overthinking ... I just remember being so sad that what I wanted so badly was happening so easily for everyone around me, mother's day was very hard reminder for me during those years, and I felt a lot of pain, envy, and jealousy. And I wanted to acknowledge their (potential) pain ... but really it's me projecting my old pain on them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

This.

- infertility/loss veteran

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

This.

- infertility/loss veteran

+2

~another loss vet

[Anonymous]

Just say thank you. If they bring up their losses or struggles, go with it. Otherwise, just ... no.

Six miscarriages and 2 failed IVF rounds here. If someone had said “happy mother’s day” to me during that period of my life, well. I’m a very calm and private person but that would have likely made me completely and totally lose my shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

I agree that saying thank you was perfect. As for the rest, At least in my circles, wishing someone a happy Mother’s Day is also acknowledging our wish to honor all mothers - especially our own, so would not be inappropriate.