another 2nd baby help question

[Anonymous]

following a previous thread about this.. for those of you who could have/ would have/ did hire someone to help or have someone come and help you when you had a 2nd (or subsequent children) what was the best help that you received. Meaning was it nice to have someone full-time around? Or would you have wanted a someone a few hours a day?
We too are considering getting some help when we have our 2nd one and initially we were going to hire someone fulltime but we realize that would be too expensive for us. So just curious what other moms with more than 1 children have experiences. If you could have had someone to help you after your 2nd baby was born how would you have wanted help?
A few hours a day?
A couple of full days a week?
A full-time person for certain number of weeks?

Also, how many weeks/months would you have wanted someone for.

TIA

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

I didn't have anyone by choice except my mom and husband. In retrospect, I still don't think I'd have someone to care for the kids (the older one and baby need you for different reasons, but the need is still there) but I definitely would have had someone to come in and clean, empty the dishwasher and help with the laundry. I think someone who could come in the morning for a few hours to do those chores would be invaluable - clean up the after dinner dishes, etc. As for how long to keep them -- forever!

[Anonymous]

I found the morning the hardest time of day. From around 6 am until 9 or so, when I really woke up. The 2.5 year old wanted her normal routine and I had been up all night with the baby. Having someone come in, do laundry, empty dishwasher, etc and then maybe watch the baby for an hour so I could nap or read quietly with the toddler would have been great.

As it was, we had a nanny who refused to care for the baby or do his laundry (crazy, I know. She is no longer our nanny). The 2.5 yo refused to do anything with the nanny if I was there. So it was as if I had no help, and I was exhausted.

By the middle of the morning, I had some energy and could handle life a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Curious why the nanny wouldn't help. I am wondering how to deal with this myself for the next baby. Did you not offer more money or some kind of benefit or do you think she just wanted you to hire someone else anyway.

[Anonymous]

8:05 here -
I was a long, messy issue with the nanny. There was a very long posting with close to 100 responses about it in August/Sept. Don't want to get into even more nasty details here.

But I have never seen another nanny act this way. Most women who chose this profession love babies and understand that moms need help. I would obviously discuss your expectations with her before the baby arrives, including if and when you will give her a raise (at birth, after maternity leave, at usual annual review, etc). I know multiple families who did not give a raise with a new baby. It was just an additional job duty that the nanny understood and lovingly took on (they gave raises at other times, of course). Some families give raises with babies. You need to make sure everyone is on the same page.

I think it usually works out well. But some nannies don't want to care for a newborn and alter the more fun, easy schedule they have with the older child. If that happens to you, just know that it's easier to find someone new than you fear. We are so much happier now than we could have imagined with our old nanny.

[Anonymous]

I went with a few hours per day, several times per week. That coupled with my husband arrival home from work each evening and my parents and ILs visits made it do-able.

[Anonymous]

We had hired a full-time nanny to start just before #2 was born. She basically took charge of my older child, who was 2, while I stayed with the baby for my 3 month maternity leave. I was scheduled for a CS, and I was worried about my recovery and how I would get the older child to and back from daycare each day since I couldn't drive for part of my recovery. It worked out nicely.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Tanks for the responses. We were thinking of having someone come either 8-1 in the mornings or from 10-4... looks like the morning would be more helpful... right?

[Anonymous]

You know it all depend on you--are you normally a morning person?? For me I am normally a morning person so I felt like it was more of a treat to have someone come in around 1--but that is me. It's great that you are getting help..trust me, you are going to be soooooooooooo glad they are coming. I actually used to be one of "oh I wouldn't have any stranger come in and help" ---but then my hubby was concerned for me so he made it happen and I was soooooooooooooooo happy. I even used to run to Starbucks sometimes just to get out and it did wonders for alleviating any PPD.