Question for anyone quarantining with parents

[Anonymous]

We are considering going to stay with either my or DH's parents for the summer since we can't manage working from home full time plus taking care of two kids (4 and 7) without school to distract them for a chunk of the day. There are many times when DH and I have overlapping conference calls and don't want to simply plant the kids in front of the TV for 10 hours a day.

Curious to hear from those who have done or are doing this how it's going. Are your parents actually helpful in some capacity or is it more annoying to have more people in the mix? Is it harder to be away from home without all the toys your kids typically have to play with or that's not an issue?

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming the parents know you’re going for the purpose of helping you out? I think this needs to made clear. For example asking them “we would like to stay with you in hopes that you will help watch the children while we work” something along those lines. My sister in law always expects everyone to watch her kids no matter what and I would rather have her ask me directly instead of dancing around the topic. Just thought I’d share that portion. My sister and mom came to stay with us during this and there are pros and cons to more people being in the house, but overall my sister has been extremely helpful and my mom too. Mom offered to stay with us to help us. Of course we didn’t go to another home so I can’t fully answer you questions

[Anonymous]

My parents are snow birds who live with us for a good chunk of the year anyways. So it has made this quarantining much easier because it allows all of us to do some of the things we need to do without getting completely distracted by the kids.

[Anonymous]

I can think of few things more horrifying that quarantining with my mother. My father passed away a long time ago, he wouldn't have been a joy to quarantine with either.

Fortunately, we're quarantining with my husband's father instead. He's been great.

We made the decision in part to have an extra set of hands, and in part because he's got a house with outdoor space we can use. We aren't taking our kids off the property, because one is very vulnerable, so having a decent sized backyard, and a basketball hoop, and a driveway for four square etc . . . has been really really nice.

We have good communication, and we've had a close relationship all along. For example, my other kids have stayed with him a lot when we've taken one child for out of area medical care. So, some of the boundary issues that can arise in this situation have been addressed. Overall, it's going well. We are very grateful for the extra hands, and the extra space!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming the parents know you’re going for the purpose of helping you out? I think this needs to made clear. For example asking them “we would like to stay with you in hopes that you will help watch the children while we work” something along those lines. My sister in law always expects everyone to watch her kids no matter what and I would rather have her ask me directly instead of dancing around the topic. Just thought I’d share that portion. My sister and mom came to stay with us during this and there are pros and cons to more people being in the house, but overall my sister has been extremely helpful and my mom too. Mom offered to stay with us to help us. Of course we didn’t go to another home so I can’t fully answer you questions

Yes, my parents have offered to help which we are grateful for... but I am just not sure how helpful they will actually be and if we will get on each other’s nerves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming the parents know you’re going for the purpose of helping you out? I think this needs to made clear. For example asking them “we would like to stay with you in hopes that you will help watch the children while we work” something along those lines. My sister in law always expects everyone to watch her kids no matter what and I would rather have her ask me directly instead of dancing around the topic. Just thought I’d share that portion. My sister and mom came to stay with us during this and there are pros and cons to more people being in the house, but overall my sister has been extremely helpful and my mom too. Mom offered to stay with us to help us. Of course we didn’t go to another home so I can’t fully answer you questions

Yes, my parents have offered to help which we are grateful for... but I am just not sure how helpful they will actually be and if we will get on each other’s nerves.

OP, my ILs live with us full time now, and it's been very helpful with my ES-aged kids.

A few tips to make it work better:

1) Set a basic schedule - meal times, outdoor times, reading times, video game times, etc.
2) Everyone has certain chores. In my house, we all have our own chores; I know others rotate each week. For instance, my DH makes dinner, my MIL is the sous chef, I make lunches, FIL does the dishes, kids set the table and unload the dishwasher. We still have a cleaning service come, but everyone is responsible for tidying up their spaces and putting dirty laundry in the hamper.
3) Find shared interests. My older child has read a lot of YA fiction and then he and MIL watch the movies after the books are finished. (Harry Potter, Hunger Games, etc.) My younger child and FIL play a lot of sports.
4) Try to find time to bond as a family of 4 - we go on lots of family walks in the neighborhood. We also play lots of board games, both with 4 and with 6 players.

Good luck!