When to tell kids about death of someone they don’t see often

[Anonymous]

An elderly family friend who our kids (4 and 6) really like when they see her, passed away this week. She is sort of out of sight out of mind for them but when they see her they love her. I don’t want her memory to be forgotten. How/when should I go about talking about it? (I’ve read books about the process of talking about grief and dying but this is more about telling kids she is no more - there won’t be a funeral, she just won’t be around any more.).

[Anonymous]

Today.

[Anonymous]

Dying is a part of life but when you sensationalize it it becomes something foreign and to be feared. This is an 'easy' death to explain to the kids as she was older and lived a good life and was loved by them. She wasn't in their lives each day but you can already show them evidence that the love survives even when you can't see them because she was beloved even when she wasn't in your home.

If the first death they need to process is a grandparent, neighbor, etc who they see often that adds to the shock and many of the lessons they could accept here would be heightened.

[Anonymous]

Today. Not right before bed.

[Anonymous]

Today. I didn’t tell my 4 year old Right away that his great grandmother died and when we told his he was upset and asked why we didn’t tell him sooner? He’d met her once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today. Not right before bed.

This. Tell them this afternoon. Let them digest it. Without bringing it up again at bed, simply ask how they are doing or how their day was. Let them lead any follow up discussion

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice. We will do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today. Not right before bed.

This. Tell them this afternoon. Let them digest it. Without bringing it up again at bed, simply ask how they are doing or how their day was. Let them lead any follow up discussion

+1

[Anonymous]

You must tell the children. What you tell them will be determined by your beliefs and their ages and maturity. But they must know that she didn’t just disappear. You sound like a wonderful, sensitive mom and you will do a good job of this.

You and your children were a blessing to this woman as you shared her journey thru life. She must have also been a blessing to your family and that you will miss her now that she is no longer here. Let your children know how thankful you are for that relationship. You might find some tangible way to honor her life that would have meaning for you and the children and maybe bless her family.

Also let them know how thankful you are for life but that it doesn’t go on forever here on earth. I am not sure of your belief regarding death so I will share mine. I do not believe that this life is all that there is to our existence. I believe that at the time of death we either go to heaven or hell as determined by our decision to accept or reject salvation thru Jesus Christ, as per the gospel of the Bible. I believe that we have hope of everlasting life with the Father in heaven if we have accepted Jesus as our Savior.

If you want more information about addressing this with your children check out this article: https://bit.ly/2yDkWZd Blessings to you and your family and the family of the elderly woman.