Typical 5 year old behavior or concerning?

[Anonymous]

DD is 5 and has always been very emotional and sensitive child. We thought this was tied to lack of quality sleep so got that looked at. She was doing better as long as she got a lot of sleep (she still needs 12+ hours). However since the whole quarantine has started she has gotten sooo much worse. Or maybe we are noticing it more now that we are together 24/7. She lashes out at her siblings, she scream when she doesn’t get her way, she pouts about everything and is just very very emotional. She says horrible mean things to her sister and then when she doesn’t get her way says things like “I want a new life.” And “I hate my life”. And “Everybody hates me”.

Should I take this all with a grain of salt given the situation we are in or seriously look at a therapist and/or psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's uncommon to say those things every now and then. Does she always seem unhappy? Is she ever joyful or positive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's uncommon to say those things every now and then. Does she always seem unhappy? Is she ever joyful or positive?

Op here - yes she is happy when she is with her friends or cousins. She loves playing outside. But everything has to be her way. Otherwise she freaks out. She is the oldest child so maybe that is common.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer to your question hinges on the frequency. 5s can be dramatic, so the language itself isn't concerning unless it's constant. Same with tantrums. Yeah, you'd think they are done with that by now but some still have difficulty finding appropriate ways to manage anger, disappointment, hurt, etc. Again, it's about frequency. Occasional, fine, but constant? That's a problem.

I'm also wondering if she may have anxiety.

Is she getting enough exercise?

[Anonymous]

Sounds exactly like my 5 year old DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the answer to your question hinges on the frequency. 5s can be dramatic, so the language itself isn't concerning unless it's constant. Same with tantrums. Yeah, you'd think they are done with that by now but some still have difficulty finding appropriate ways to manage anger, disappointment, hurt, etc. Again, it's about frequency. Occasional, fine, but constant? That's a problem.

I'm also wondering if she may have anxiety.

Is she getting enough exercise?

Op here - yes she gets plenty of exercise.

I think she has anxiety as well. It doesn’t help that we just had a new baby and she didn’t get a chance to really get used to that and then the whole quarantine thing hit. So it’s been a series of life altering events for her.

[Anonymous]

We talked to a child psych recently for other reasons but brought this up. Her recommendation was to acknowledge the feeling and then move on. It is likely she is looking for a reaction. "Don't say that about your sister. You love your sister. Remember when you...." or "we NEVER say that about people....."

So she suggested saying "it seems like you are ... [frustrated, mad, upset, jealous]. That can be really hard. I am happy to talk about it [and then set a time - in 10 min, when you are ready, after your time out]" It teaches her to name her emotions and also doesn't give her attention for the words - which are normal.

She also said to make sure, especially since you are home 24/7, that she is getting soooo much more praise for positive things so that it decreases the desire to do the attention seeking for the dramatic.


Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked to a child psych recently for other reasons but brought this up. Her recommendation was to acknowledge the feeling and then move on. It is likely she is looking for a reaction. "Don't say that about your sister. You love your sister. Remember when you...." or "we NEVER say that about people....."

So she suggested saying "it seems like you are ... [frustrated, mad, upset, jealous]. That can be really hard. I am happy to talk about it [and then set a time - in 10 min, when you are ready, after your time out]" It teaches her to name her emotions and also doesn't give her attention for the words - which are normal.

She also said to make sure, especially since you are home 24/7, that she is getting soooo much more praise for positive things so that it decreases the desire to do the attention seeking for the dramatic.


Hope that helps.

Nicely stated.

OP, there's also temperament to take into account. Some kids are just born more high-strung, or "highly sensitive." They are more sensitive to changes in routine, new stimuli, and various kinds of sensory input. It comes with positives and negatives. Easygoing temperaments have their negatives, too.

I don't think a good assessment can be made in the middle of all this chaos, but if it persists after life normalizes again, it's absolutely fine to ask for help or a more formal assessment.

[Anonymous]

When she’s horrible and mean what happens? I have a 7yo DD who can be mouthy and rude sometimes. I give her a warning then start taking time off bedtime. Tonight she is going to bed 45 mins early because I do 15 min increments. This consequence definitely cuts down on the mouth... hasn’t gone away completely obviously. [u]

[Anonymous]

My 5 yo is a hot mess right now. She needs more structure than I'm able to provide. She hasn't developed a lot of emotional control yet, so she's having a lot of tantrums. None of this is typical under ordinary circumstances, and I'm not going to worry about it unless she fails to grow out of it in the next couple of years, as would be normal developmentally.

[Anonymous]

I notice that my 5 year old does this if I don’t give her enough hugs and one on one time. I start every morning giving her a cuddle in bed and I noticed it makes the mornings go more smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked to a child psych recently for other reasons but brought this up. Her recommendation was to acknowledge the feeling and then move on. It is likely she is looking for a reaction. "Don't say that about your sister. You love your sister. Remember when you...." or "we NEVER say that about people....."

So she suggested saying "it seems like you are ... [frustrated, mad, upset, jealous]. That can be really hard. I am happy to talk about it [and then set a time - in 10 min, when you are ready, after your time out]" It teaches her to name her emotions and also doesn't give her attention for the words - which are normal.

She also said to make sure, especially since you are home 24/7, that she is getting soooo much more praise for positive things so that it decreases the desire to do the attention seeking for the dramatic.


Hope that helps.

This. Your daughter is probably feeling somewhat neglected (sorry, that's not a good word but I'm trying to put it in her terms, I am not accusing you of neglect!) now that you have a baby. She may just want to be heard, so acknowledging her feelings (however ridiculous they are - i.e. I understand that your waffle was cut into squares and not circles) may help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's uncommon to say those things every now and then. Does she always seem unhappy? Is she ever joyful or positive?

Op here - yes she is happy when she is with her friends or cousins. She loves playing outside. But everything has to be her way. Otherwise she freaks out. She is the oldest child so maybe that is common.

Please don’t flame me because I am just putting it out there: “the everything has to be her way” was our first sign at five of DD having ADD. But in my DD’s case it had to be exactly her way.