Talk me down from pulling my kid out of school

[Anonymous]

This distance learning thing is just not working. My ES child hated most things about school to begin with (except for her friends), and now all the joy is gone. She's anxious about meeting expectations of her classes, but needs so much more support than she is being provided. The school's not offering any one-on-one support, just telling us to sign up for office hours with teachers. The most important parts of her IEP can't be offered without more teacher support.

This week and last week it was days of tears, nagging, resistence, defiance, just to get her to do the assignments. Basically, a lot of behaviors that she can on occasion have related to homework but nothing this severe or this sustained. If we aren't having her try to do school work, all those behaviors go away and she's fine. In other words, it's not overall anxiety or depression, but clearly all situational and related to the new learning environment and the new expectations.

At this stage my child is asking to drop out of the distance learning plan and have us do projects with her at home (basically, to be homeschooled). Not only is that not possible for a variety of reasons, overall I think it's just a bad idea because we want her to continue to make academic progress and not fall farther behind.

But then I think: why not just pull her? So what if she misses two months of school? The way things are going she's not going to be making much academic progress anyway. And I'm concerned about her mental health if we keep pushing her to try to meet expectations in this new environment.

Anyone else having similar thoughts? Tell me why this is a bad idea...

[Anonymous]

Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Just do the minimum.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

5th grade

[Anonymous]

I think it's a fine idea.

I would enroll her a homeschool student, and have her do something academic, but it can be something that's fun for her and reasonable for you. That way when you return your ducks are in a row and there's no question that she's ready to move on to sixth.

What state are you in?

I should note that I am a special ed teacher, although currently on maternity leave. So, I'm not exactly biased against public schools.

[Anonymous]

To most kids I’d say pull her out and homeschool however you see fit. But what does that mean for a kid with an IEP? Would you have to start the process all over again when school resumes? Or can you continue where you left off?

Is it pass-fail? What about just doing the minimum to get by?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To most kids I’d say pull her out and homeschool however you see fit. But what does that mean for a kid with an IEP? Would you have to start the process all over again when school resumes? Or can you continue where you left off?

Is it pass-fail? What about just doing the minimum to get by?

This. You don’t want to start the IEP process over again.
Do the absolute bare minimum.
The work (for the most part) is busy work anyway - doubt she’ll fall behind. If you’re worried about falling behind for 6th grade, just keep up with a few worksheets in whatever subject you are concerned about.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned about her mental health in the long term if you can’t get through to her that she needs to do at least the minimum, OP. This is what Life is: getting thrown curveballs. She can do the minimum. Reach out to her psychiatrist if the opposition becomes severe and have her or him share suggestions with the case manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

5th grade

I what not un-enroll her, and at the same time, I would not make her sign in and participate.
You want the flexibility in the case that distance learning is next year as well to push the school for more support for her learning. You might send an email to the school asking for more support to have it on the record.

But - I think this is a great opportunity for her. If she will take ownership of her learning, that is fantastic to have a conversation about.
I would sit with her this weekend and have her create her learning plan. Tell her you are open to planning something - but she needs to collaborate and be committed to her learning.
What are the goals? What will she learn through the project? How will she know if she met her goal?

If she could create her own plan and cluster her work for what works around her energy for the day.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To most kids I’d say pull her out and homeschool however you see fit. But what does that mean for a kid with an IEP? Would you have to start the process all over again when school resumes? Or can you continue where you left off?

Is it pass-fail? What about just doing the minimum to get by?

This. You don’t want to start the IEP process over again.
Do the absolute bare minimum.
The work (for the most part) is busy work anyway - doubt she’ll fall behind. If you’re worried about falling behind for 6th grade, just keep up with a few worksheets in whatever subject you are concerned about.

Special Ed teacher here.

If you pull and homeschool, or go to a private school, your IEP is put on hold. If eligibility expires while she's out that's different, but that's unlikely for a 2 month period. And as a courtesy to the school you'll want to register her and make sure they know there is an IEP (assuming she's in MD or DC where she'd be moving to a new school for sixth) at least a week before school starts. If she's in a self contained placement, or in a school that's not her home school, then that would be a little different, but still not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To most kids I’d say pull her out and homeschool however you see fit. But what does that mean for a kid with an IEP? Would you have to start the process all over again when school resumes? Or can you continue where you left off?

Is it pass-fail? What about just doing the minimum to get by?

You can also ask these questions of her case manager.

[Anonymous]

Don’t officially unenroll her. Just stop doing the work. Do your own thing as possible. They aren’t going to send a truancy officer to your house for skipping zoom meetings, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

5th grade

Pull her out for sure! Register as a homeschool family. Try regular school again in the fall and be prepared to do the same thing if there’s another shut down. Seriously, at this age, it’s not a big deal. Help your kid.

[Anonymous]

It’s perfectly okay to just let the teacher know you are going to pull back somewhat because of behavioral difficulties, but I would not not tell them you are leaving altogether, be you don’t want her to think that she can pull out whenever she is unhappy in future years. You also want her counted in their staffing for next year, if you expect to send her back to school once it opens up. They need to plan for her to be on caseload for the fall. You also want the protection that having an IEP gives her, should she get in trouble somehow with something school-related, which may be unlikely, but I would stay enrolled.

Just try to keep moving forward in math and keep her reading and and learning about the world however you think best fits her for now. Just tell the teacher so the school knows what is going on, because they need to account for her somehow. Join in one group lesson a week online or whatever to keep the school connection.