Can’t work in the house with a nanny

[Anonymous]

I am considering hiring a nanny to take care of my 3 year old starting now and continuing through the year. She usually goes to daycare but that’s obviously closed, and if this situation is going to go on for a while longer plus have more rounds of closure, a nanny might make more sense. But my daughter gets too clingy when I’m at home for a nanny to work for us. Where would I go to work? My office is closed. My car? I can’t think of a way for this to work for us but maybe I’m overlooking something obvious here?

[Anonymous]

Be firm with your daughter and shut yourself in the room where you will work. She'll eventually figure out that mommy's working and now is time with nanny.

[Anonymous]

It will be painful but she'll learn if you are consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be firm with your daughter and shut yourself in the room where you will work. She'll eventually figure out that mommy's working and now is time with nanny.

+1 At age 3 children are flexible. And they need routine, and they need you to be consistent because that offers safety for her. Your daughter can learn this. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

You need a room with a door. Bring food in with you, leave only if they go outside.

[Anonymous]

I used to WFH with a nanny. I would pack a lunch in the morning and spend the whole day in my bedroom with the door closed. Once they were involved in activities the kids forgot I was home, but any reappearance during the day and they'd get clingy again. Also recommend wearing headphones so you aren't distracted by hearing/listening for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a room with a door. Bring food in with you, leave only if they go outside.

Yes. If you have the room for an in-home office, get yourself a mini dorm fridge and a small microwave. Put lunches and snacks in the fridge. In the morning, you say goodbye like you would at daycare, head to the office and close the door. Nanny can call mommy on the phone if needed, so that your child understands that you need to be called to get your attention, she can't just go to the office and interrupt. At that age, it also helps to reinforce the "out of sight, out of mind" mindset so that she learns to think of you as "at the office".

Obviously you don't need to do all that, but it helps to keep you out of her sight. Any chance sight of you, including you coming down to get your lunch, will remind her that you are there, and make her want you and your attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a room with a door. Bring food in with you, leave only if they go outside.

Yes. If you have the room for an in-home office, get yourself a mini dorm fridge and a small microwave. Put lunches and snacks in the fridge. In the morning, you say goodbye like you would at daycare, head to the office and close the door. Nanny can call mommy on the phone if needed, so that your child understands that you need to be called to get your attention, she can't just go to the office and interrupt. At that age, it also helps to reinforce the "out of sight, out of mind" mindset so that she learns to think of you as "at the office".

Obviously you don't need to do all that, but it helps to keep you out of her sight. Any chance sight of you, including you coming down to get your lunch, will remind her that you are there, and make her want you and your attention.

Yup. We have a nanny and when I work from home (not that often) this is what I do. It's really the only way for your kid to understand that you're not available and your nanny will thank you for it.

[Anonymous]

We did the traffic light system.

Green - come in, talk, hug
Yellow - come in, hug and go
Red - stay out

I refused to bring in food and a fridge, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think a consistent schedule is key.

After breakfast you say “I’ll see you at lunchtime!” And you close the door and stay there. Repeat for dinner. There may be tears for a few days but as long as you’re consistent your kid will adjust quickly. Absolutely have the nanny call you if needed - do not leave the room to comfort your child. Also, be wary of projecting anxiety into your daughter. Your attitude should be breezy and confident. “I will see you at lunch time! Have fun playing playdoh with nanny! Love you, bye!”

[Anonymous]

I really disagree with the cold turkey posters. To go from Mom 24/7 to no Mom at all will really stress your daughter out. I think the easiest way to transition is for you and the nanny to take care of her together for a few days while she gets used to the nanny. Then you start sitting at your kitchen table and working and not really paying attention to her so she will naturally start gravitating to the nanny who is able to give her full attention. When she is comfortable with the nanny then start going into another room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with the cold turkey posters. To go from Mom 24/7 to no Mom at all will really stress your daughter out. I think the easiest way to transition is for you and the nanny to take care of her together for a few days while she gets used to the nanny. Then you start sitting at your kitchen table and working and not really paying attention to her so she will naturally start gravitating to the nanny who is able to give her full attention. When she is comfortable with the nanny then start going into another room.

Before I was a preschool teacher I would have said this same thing—gradual to not upset the kid. Now that I’m a teacher I agree with the PPs who said to go to your room and not come out the rest of the day. Nanny shouldn’t let the daughter come up to the door even. The drawing it out tactic will just lengthen the stress your clingy daughter will go through. It’s not like she’ll never see mom, she just won’t see mom during working hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with the cold turkey posters. To go from Mom 24/7 to no Mom at all will really stress your daughter out. I think the easiest way to transition is for you and the nanny to take care of her together for a few days while she gets used to the nanny. Then you start sitting at your kitchen table and working and not really paying attention to her so she will naturally start gravitating to the nanny who is able to give her full attention. When she is comfortable with the nanny then start going into another room.

Before I was a preschool teacher I would have said this same thing—gradual to not upset the kid. Now that I’m a teacher I agree with the PPs who said to go to your room and not come out the rest of the day. Nanny shouldn’t let the daughter come up to the door even. The drawing it out tactic will just lengthen the stress your clingy daughter will go through. It’s not like she’ll never see mom, she just won’t see mom during working hours.

Preschool is different because it’s not like all the parents can hang out in the room. Plus my morning preschool *did* have a gradual transition, like 30 min the first day, 1 hour the second, until we worked up to the full 3 hours. All of the families had a SAHM or nanny so it worked well. Obviously if you don’t then you can’t.

[Anonymous]

^^ Anyway, what I’m saying is that the cold turkey approach is usually recommended because it’s the quickest. Like dumping your kid into a pool of cold water. But if you can let him or her tiptoe in and get acclimated, it will be less stressful for all.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the kid. For us it just doesn’t work.