Anyone at there move from nutty to zen at work?

[Anonymous]

I know in a time of high unemployment and the awful tragedy in Haiti this question may seem silly and selfish but I’m human and struggling and seeing if any of you could provide some insight.

I have a nice home, a nice family, two healthy children and make enough money so we can cover our expenses and adequately save for the future. However I am unable to, for lack of a better word, find peace with my job. It’s not a terrible job but comes with lots of challenges. I can’t figure out, when I feel a colleague is being disrespectful to me for example, how not to take it personal, keep my cool and just try and work it out. I get overly angry and emotional and wish I could tell them all to go to hell. It makes me crazy.

And it's not just this place. I'm in an industry that is prone to this type of environment. I would try and move out of this industry if I could but I think at the root it’s more about finding peace with challenges at work then the job itself. I have gone to therapy before but unfortunately it isn’t covered by my insurance and was just too expensive.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Anyone else feel the same way but somehow found peace with challenges with work? Has anyone out there moved from being nutty at work to being zen?

[Anonymous]

I think the key for things like this is to find someone at work you can bond with about these things because I find everyone has them and if you can trade stories it lets you realize that and let go, even laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a lawyer too (did i guess right? I am right there with you. I have colleagues who drive me batty, and there are times when I wonder why I stay. Then I realize, I have it pretty good in the grand scheme of things. I make decent money, work decent hours, and my job allows me the financial stability and freedom to have options in life, which is worth a lot to me. Essentially my discontent comes and goes in waves. I too want to learn to not take this stuff personally, and on occasion I keep the big picture in mind and succeed. But then other times I can't seem to do it. I wish I had better advice for you, but know that you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you give an example of how a colleague is disrespectful? I'm trying to figure out if you're maybe taking things the wrong way (reading too much into things).

[Anonymous]

Does your company/firm have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? Sometimes that's a great way to get free/inexpensive workplace counseling.

Some book ideas that may help with your problem from very different angles:

Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns
(Managing your tendency to take things personally)

The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin
(Understanding what centers you and makes you happy so you are more resilient with colleague challenges)

Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone
(Great advice/education to help you express yourself effectively at work and elsewhere in life)

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the good ideas so far. I'm going to get those books from the library this weekend!

[Anonymous]

A colleague of my told me he uses non violent communication, which i think is "a technique". When someone is being disrespectful to you, you say, in a calm manner, "when you say x y and z or call me a b or c, it makes me feel ___________". He said he has had a remarkable response to this honest, non accusatory style.