Crying

[Anonymous]

DS just started in-home daycare. He is almost 17 months old. Every time I drop him off, he cries his head off, and often when I return, he cries when he hears my voice (but then I can comfort him and he will calm down). I think he is terrified I will leave him there again.

My questions 1) Is this normal due to his age/separation anxiety? Or does this signal something wrong with the daycare? 2) How long will this last? 3) Does anyone have advice on how to make it easier on him (and me)? This is awful!

FWIW, the provider says he is good, happy, and calm in the intervening hours; but of course I really have no way to really know this.

Signed, a sad and worried mom.

[Anonymous]

It is completely normal for kids to cry at drop off and pick up at your child's age. It doesn't mean anything at all about the daycare - good or bad. I find that with pick up, if I can sort of sneak in so that I can pick up my DD very quickly after she notices or hears me, I can eliminate or minimize that period of crying. As for how long it will last, some kids stop after a week or so, others, like two of mine, did it for years.

[Anonymous]

Very common. I hope you don't linger in the mornings. There's a mom at my daycare that does that. She'll also peek in the window after she's walked out to see how her DS is doing - sets him off all over again and now he's taken to looking at the window when she leaves to watch her go. Our provider said she's talked to the mom about it and she still does it. For everyone's sake, I wish she'd just keep it quick.

[Anonymous]

Yes, totally normal! But the crying definitely stops shortly after the parents leave. I agree -- don't linger! Give a big hug, say your goodbyes and go. My son is in a room with 2s and 3s and when the parents come in for a mid-day activity and then have to leave, every single child starts crying (I feel awful for the teachers) but as soon as the parents leave, the crying stops and things return to normal.

[Anonymous]

Be very routine and quick about drop off. Then hover somewhere he can't see you and see how long he cries once you're gone. My dd cried like mad until I left, but the minute I was out of sight she was fine. It was totally for my benefit, and made me feel SO much better once I knew how promptly she 'recovered.'

[Anonymous]

Yes it is common and I agree with what others say about making drop off quick. The longer you linger the worse it will be. The only time I ever experienced children crying was in the very beginning of care and it could last for several days to several weeks. Depends on the child, if they are used to be apart from mom or dad, how their morning has gone, etc. Often I have called a parent after they have left so they can hear that the child has stopped crying and let them know what they are doing, only because I know parents feel so guilty about leaving as they are crying.

Now I have one who cries when it is time to go home every so often, because he doesnt want to leave!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, everyone. I do try to make the drop off quick--I certainly don't want to make it worse for him, me, or my poor babysitter who has to calm him down! Thanks for all the tips on checking in on him inconspicuously. And 2:08, thanks for sharing about your DC. That is sweet and very reassuring

[Anonymous]

OP You are very welcome. I love what I do and I treat my children as though they were my own. Anytime I can put a parents mind at ease is a plus. I know very well how upsetting it can be, as I as a young parent went through that with my daughter many years ago. She apparently had been left to cry all day, and when I went to pick up and asked why her face was swollen and red I was told about how she cried all day. I was then told there was no reason to have called me. Needless to say, I pulled my daughter from care because I thought the least that could have been done was to call and let ME decide if there was something that could have been done.

I learned a lot the short time my daughter was in daycare and brought it into my own daycare home.

Good luck with your DC in care. Hope the transition goes well.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's hard, OP. My son still does it a bit at almost 3 years old (but he's getting better). A lot of it is just the transition in general; my son doesn't do transitions that well. It's not really about being left, etc., it's about making the change for the day. Which may be why yours is crying at pick up as well. Hang in there, I'm sure he's fine during the day and it will get better.