Depressed because people keep asking me where #2 is

[Anonymous]

I am 40 yo and had DC #1 at 39. We've been TTC for the last six months which has resulted in two early miscarriages. Meanwhile, people keep asking me when and if I am planning to have a #2. I don't even know how to respond to this anymore. I want a #2 but I'm not sure that it will happen at my age. I guess I just don't want people to know my disappointment. How do others handle such questions? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I find honesty works well because it keeps the repeated questioning at bay and people really do sympathize. (I acknowledge of course that it is really no one's business! but that doesn't stop them from pestering!) We are TTC also and have had no luck for the past 7 months. I've been really up front with people that we are experiencing fertility difficulty. Knowing this, people now don't bother me....and also, you learn how many others have had the same difficulty. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I wondered if this inquisition was a culture thing or not - experienced really probing (and frankly rude) comments from my DH's extended family and friends. At a party I really do not feel like saying every 5 minutes: "yes I know I am only 29 but had serious health issues that were a direct consequence of the birth of my first child, so am feeling quite anxious about conceiving another, etc..."

So I smiled every time, said "yes, having a second child would be really exciting!" and move away.
Rude people

[Anonymous]

Just say "One and done!"

[Anonymous]

I completely sympathize. People just don't get it. I'm in your shows, 40 and TTC # 2 for a while. It was really easy with #1 but this time is proving difficult. I try to keep it short, I just say "yeah, another child would be nice, wouldn't it?" and just turn my back. After a while, people stop asking. Just keep your eye on your goal and forget insensitive (although often well-meaning) people.

[Anonymous]

No advice, just sympathy. We get a lot of questions about this (married for 4 years, TTC#1 for 2.5 years - I am 33) and we usually just say that we are waiting or are enjoying not having kids. And then I go home and bang my head against a wall... I'm alway temped to say "I'm glad you asked, because I was wondering how often you and your spouse have unprotected sex!"

[Anonymous]

I always say, "If we have happy news to share, we will gladly do so."

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I just say, "Soon, I hope!" I've said it to a few ILs and other family members. It really has stopped the questioning.

[Anonymous]

I totally sympathize, OP. I'm also in your shoes - 40 and TTC #2. I had a really hard time during the holidays because I kept getting the question from random strangers at holiday parties, which I didn't expect. So far I ignore the comments or make vague statements, but I do think it might feel good to make someone really uncomfortable some day by totally unloading everything I've been going through!

[Anonymous]

I'd say "sometimes it doesn't happen as easy as you'd hope" and move on.