I feel like I can't handle another day of this

post reply Forum Index » Off-Topic

1 2 3 4 5 ► Go

Go to page...

04/16/2020 08:40

Subject: I feel like I can't handle another day of this

quote

Anonymous

This stay at home/quarantine has been one of the worst top 3 experiences of my life.

I wake up every morning with a pit of dread in my stomach thinking about the day ahead.

My spouse is a frontline medical worker directly working with Covid patients. Every day I fear for his health and whether or not he's going to bring it home to us. He has never been more scared/stressed/on the brink of a nervous breakdown than he has been in the last 6 weeks. He used to be my rock and now he cannot function due to the mental stress. He has checked out and when he's around us he's cranky and grumpy and not pleasant to be around.

Because he's a frontline medical worker he has to self-isolate when he gets home, so I have been essentially solo parenting for the last 36 days. He leaves for work before we all wake up, and comes home around 6pm, takes a shower, eats his dinner in the master bedroom, and goes to bed. Only contact with us is with a mask/staying 6 feet away, and only on the weekends. As soon as he gets home he's exhausted and goes to bed at 8 pm. I haven't had a hug or kiss from my spouse in 36 days, which is hard. One of our kids is very high-risk due to a medical condition so we have to be extra careful.

Both DH and I worry a lot about our parents, both of whom live in Arizona, and we have no idea when we will have the opportunity to see them again.

Staying home full-time with two kids has been really tough. I was laid off my job, which shut down due to the nature of my work, so the days now feel very long. Kids are 3 and 7 and somewhat independent but don't play together ever/don't have any of the same interests and only want me to play with each of them.

I have anxiety, and this Coronavirus situation has caused my anxiety to spike like never before. I was handling things okay until the last few days, and now I feel like I cannot handle another day of this stay at home/quarantine. The kids are cranky and complaining that they miss their friends, their activities, and their schools. Online schooling for the 7 year old has not been going well and he does not want to participate. I try to do an hour or two of homeschool every day but they just complain the whole time and don't take it seriously. The house is a disaster every day. I'm sick of cooking 3 meals a day/constantly cleaning the kitchen.

All the things I previously liked to do I now cannot do. I loved my job that is now gone, I loved eating at restaurants, I loved going to my gym/yoga class, going to church, volunteering, meeting up with friends, entertaining at home, and traveling. All these things that I probably now will not be able to do for many months/years and it totally depresses me.

We loved our activities. I loved driving around and taking the kids to all their activities, and they were pretty overscheduled. I miss being overschduled because that's how we like to be! Our weekends of soccer/swim class/gymnastics/art class, Sunday brunch out, trip to a museum, and having a family over for dinner were a million times better than what we're doing now.

I now have a new, random medical condition that just popped up during Coronavirus so I've been worrying constantly about that as well. I think the stress caused it. I have to go for follow ups to monitor it and am terrified of going to medical appointments during this time.

The uncertainly of when this will end, whether this will ever end, whether or not we will get sick, etc. weighs on me and makes it so I can't focus on much else. I do have a therapist and we've been doing weekly Skype sessions, so that has been good.

I truly hate every minute of this. I want my old life back. My old life was great, and this new reality sucks. Last night I had a dream about going to my old yoga class at my old yoga studio and it was so nice, and then when I woke up I nearly cried realizing that it will be years before I can go back there and this is our new reality.