Anyone else support their parents through post divorce weirdness?
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Anonymous
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My parents got a divorce in 2008 after being together since 1975. Now my dad has had the same girlfriend since 2010 and my mom ran into her grammar school crush at a funeral and they have been together a year and a half. After divorcing and selling my childhood home, my parents bought condos 4 buildings down from each other downtown (as if there's not a million other neighborhoods and streets to live??).
Anyways my mom has COVID. She is finally on the upswing after 3 very scary weeks. She called me sobbing yesterday that my dad risked his health (over 65, heart disease, COPD) and left flowers, groceries, and CDs (lol old people) on her balcony. She was a blubbering mess saying no one else in the world would have been able to so accurately pick her favorite music, flowers, and comfort food/indulgences. She could hardly get the words out but she "confessed" to me that in the worst days of her COVID, my dad was texting her to check in everyday and one day my mom responded "always loved you, always will". She told me multiple times she didn't mean it like THAT and she's so worried she gave my dad wrong impression. She's so happy with her current bf- like puppy love giggling school girl. She doesn't know if she should tell him she talked to my dad or that he dropped that stuff off. Her bf was possibly exposed so he's been self isolating at his own house and therefore she's extra worried because she is confident her bf would have been running errands and helping her, but she exposed him, and therefore he has to stay in and my dad had the opportunity to swoop in. My dad also called me crying for the first time ever saying he was so worried my mom wouldn't make it through. This is so awkward for me trying to be both if their emotional support while pushing down the little girl in my that wants her parents to love each other. On top of that I have to worried about my dawn dad that keeps going out to drop stuff off to my mom ugh. I'd the point of my post, just needed to vent mostly. Anyone else find themselves in awkward positions with their divorced parents or dealing with COVID induced existential crises? |
Anonymous
| Sending love! My parents have been divorced since I was 17. They had one of the messiest divorces possible (like on the news level crazy). Now, my mom is sewing masks for my dad, his wife, and their kids. She also dropped off a kosher for pesach cake the other day. It’s weird because they truly hated each other for 15 years but stuff like this brings out the love. Your parents are probably going through a lot of emotions. If I were guess, nothing will manifest. They got divorced for a reason. But all you can do is be there to hear out their emotions for the time being. There will always be love there. |
Anonymous
| Yep. Be happy they get along. Mine are a mess-- 20 years after divorce, my mom is still with her co-cheater but can't let go of the idea of a modern blended happy family. My dad has moved on and married a new, annoying woman. My mom insists that they're all the best of friends and tries to leverage my visits with my kids to get time with my dad. My dad and stepmom think it's appropriate to complain about this to me (so that I get the message that they don't like it). My stepmom talks sh*t about my mom all around their mutual small town. My mom tells everyone they're the best of friends. She thinks this is "taking the high road" but really it's the delusional idiot road. My stepmom eventually had enough people in town tell her tales of my dad's 80s and 90s assholery that she stopped blaming my mom to everyone who would listen. |
Anonymous
| Love does not have to be romantic. He might understand that. I would really not worry about this at all. This is actually the way it should be. They live close and value each other because the have history. It is not necessarily a romantic thing. I think it is awesome they live close now. I am getting divorced and would be fine on the same street. I would do the same when we are old in a crisis....but it in no way implies I would want to be married or have any romantic connection. Kids bomb you for life—marriage or not. Healthy people can get along after. |
Anonymous
| Bond you not “bomb”—typo above |
Anonymous
| Yes I have been there. Mom walked out on dad after almost 30 years of marriage; though she was going to have a new exciting life on her own. It threw our family into chaos. When her dating life at 50 didn't go as expected she thought I should be a shoulder to cry on (as if I had no thoughts of my own about her leaving my dad). During these years I was still very angry about the divorce (you don't say how old you are or how you feel about the divorce) and I told her flat out that I couldn't listen to "girlfriend" talk. |
Anonymous
l How's your dad doing? |
Anonymous
| My parents have been divorced for 15 years after my mother cheated yet my Dad has been amazing. On numerous occasions he has come to her aid (illness, accidents, financial problems) and when I asked him about it once he said something like "I will never forgive her but she is the mother of my children and I am thankful for that." He has been happily remarried for ten years and his wife is very accepting of what he has done. My mother was such a fool to cheat on a good man. |
Anonymous
Good for him. |
Anonymous
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I feel sorry for your dad's girlfriend.
Ten years of her life invested and the "first time ever" the man cries is when his ex-wife is deathly ill? If I were HER daughter, I'd certainly be giving her some advice. |
Anonymous
| People say stupid stuff when they think they are going to die. Water under the bridge, she just needs to never bring it up (to anyone) again. |