Desperately need advice: best memory care facility in DC area that can deal with aggression?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: my father has advanced primary progressive aphasia and the big changes in routine around COVID-19 have completely undone him. Out of nowhere and for the last 14 days, he’s started wandering, become extremely aggressive/threatening (including pulling a knife on my mother), stopped eating most meals, etc. He started medication less than a week ago, but has become so aggressive to my mother that we had him hospitalized and now are trying to direct transfer him into a nice memory care facility. The problem is, because he showed signs of aggression while at the hospital, a lot of the facilities won’t take him until he’s had time for his medication to take effect/for his dosages to become more accurate. Net, can anyone recommend a nice memory care facility that also can handle behavioral/psychiatric issues? All the ones we got recommended either have terrible reviews with allegations of abuse or they look like regular assisted living communities, which is far below the level of care he needs for now. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure where you are located but did you try Brightview in Great Falls, Virginia? I hear they have a good memory care facility. Good luck. I'm sure these are very difficult times for you and your family and I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Double check his meds are not contributing to his aggression.

Also I’ve heard UTIs can contribute.

[Anonymous]

Would calling Kensington Park to ask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short: my father has advanced primary progressive aphasia and the big changes in routine around COVID-19 have completely undone him. Out of nowhere and for the last 14 days, he’s started wandering, become extremely aggressive/threatening (including pulling a knife on my mother), stopped eating most meals, etc. He started medication less than a week ago, but has become so aggressive to my mother that we had him hospitalized and now are trying to direct transfer him into a nice memory care facility. The problem is, because he showed signs of aggression while at the hospital, a lot of the facilities won’t take him until he’s had time for his medication to take effect/for his dosages to become more accurate. Net, can anyone recommend a nice memory care facility that also can handle behavioral/psychiatric issues? All the ones we got recommended either have terrible reviews with allegations of abuse or they look like regular assisted living communities, which is far below the level of care he needs for now. Thank you!!

Please take him to a geriatric doctor and get him checked out from head to toe before you do anything. The aggression in the hospital could b/c of drugs they gave him--i.e. he did not tolerate or they had side effects when they wore off.

[Anonymous]

Where are you, OP? I work in this field (peripherally). And yes I assume the hospital's docs ran UTI, etc tests

[Anonymous]

Falcons landing, sterling va

[Anonymous]

Agree that you need to rule out physical problems that could have caused or be exacerbating this change. It's hard to find doctors and caregivers this month, unfortunately.

I hope you find a good solution. Please take care of yourself as you care for your parents. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Double check his meds are not contributing to his aggression.

Also I’ve heard UTIs can contribute.

and sugar levels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Double check his meds are not contributing to his aggression.

Also I’ve heard UTIs can contribute.

and sugar levels

Yes, make sure doctors have checked him re: blood sugar. Don't assume it's not an issue. Blood sugar fluctuations can make the mildest person suddenly strike out at a loved one. I know first-hand.

The original post sounded as if the aggression began BEFORE your dad was put on meds one week ago--is that correct, OP? Some PPs are reading it as, his aggression started when he was put on meds in the hospital but it sounds as if it predates that--? New meds could increase existing aggression, though.

Are you in touch with the National Aphasia Association? I would contact them and ask if they can help you find an advocate locally to assist in identifying facilities that would be appropriate for your father. If they can't do that specifically, they might be able to direct you to other help. They will at least know exactly what you're facing. www.aphasia.org

I'm so sorry, OP. Is he still hospitalized right now? I hope so. If so, please don't let the hospital send him home or to your own home etc. or the stress of wondering when he will become violent in the home will create unbelievable stress for your mom or you. (If he is back home--can another adult be there 24/7 besides your mom?) It is NOT wrong or cruel to get him into a facility for the time he has left. A dear family friend, an elderly woman, was made to feel guilty by her peers for "dumping" her husband in a care home fairly far from their house, but he had become violent at times and had no control over it; he pulled a kitchen knife on her and that was the final straw as far as trying to "do the right thing and keep him at home." Older people often were raised to feel they had to keep even truly ill people at home. Be aware that your mom may need support since she may feel guilt and sadness that she is "putting him away" but it is essential for both her physical safety and her own mental health. I wish your family peace.

[Anonymous]

Have him tested for UTI asap. Also his meds may be causing all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Double check his meds are not contributing to his aggression.

Also I’ve heard UTIs can contribute.

x1000 to both of these. The sudden onset is very odd even knowing the stress factor of the C-19.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance he had a stroke? Did they do any scans for rule-outs for stroke or tumor?

[Anonymous]

You might get some more help if you post on the Health forum and the Mid-life forum.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure about aggression, but I have grandparents at two Brightview locations and we’ve had very positive experiences. They’ve really gone out of their way during covid to help them.