What advice do you wish you could give your teen but just can’t?

[Anonymous]

I would like to advise my daughter to not have sex too early in a relationship because (among other reasons) the foreplay is better than the actual sex. Can’t really imagine this conversation actually ever happening though. Is there any advice that you wish you could pass on to your teen but would rather they not hear it from you?

[Anonymous]

Ha, I've thought the same thing. My dd is much younger, so haven't faced that particular talk.

My BFF's mother gave us all the sex talks growing up. I'm sure I heard much more from her than I would have from my own mom. She also was the one who warned me about things like never leave a drink unattended at a party...

[Anonymous]

My daughter is still on the younger side, but I did give my son similar advice.

I didn't call it foreplay. I just said that I wanted him to not jump into sex in every relationship, or too early in a relationship. Of course I talked about being respectful of girls' feelings, and how often times they become emotionally attached much quicker than boys (generalizing, I know). Then I emphasized that he shouldn't jump over the fun, butterflies/ early romance magic and jitters. The energy in a new relationship is so unique, and it should be enjoyed slowly, because the newness can wear off very quickly. I told him to take time to enjoy the little hand holding, giddiness, nervousness around a first kiss, and then to let that sit before moving on. There is no need to rush things, and it's never too late to pull away from a relationship that isn't working out. Also, take time to "miss" the person you are with. In a world of social media/facetime/text messaging, it's much easier to have access to the other person at any give time. A bit of absence can be great to see the bigger picture, to miss the person, or realize this isn't the person for you.

Typing this out sounds cheesy, but it wasn't over intrusive or uncomfortable. It was a calm and open, one-time, conversation. Then I backed away, and try not to get invested in teen relationships (he's 18 BTW).

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom, so I've had to talk to my boys about things that are uncomfortable. I would feel worse sending them out into the world not having had those conversations. Just do it. Admit to your DC that it's uncomfortable for you both but it has to be said.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to advise my daughters not to kill the relationship on the hill of "But my career." When it comes down to it, work's not really all that exciting, even though it may seem so when you are in your early or mid-twenties. IN retrospect, I regret the years I spent apart from my spouse due to 'but my career', etc.

In general, I'd like to tell them to give less of their souls to the company store, but that so goes against all that bullshit that you get at your liberal arts college about 'making a difference' and your career as your identity, etc.
I suppose I"ve been thinking about mortality more than usual this week, and in the grand scheme of things, I"m feeling like most of the time it is just a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to advise my daughters not to kill the relationship on the hill of "But my career." When it comes down to it, work's not really all that exciting, even though it may seem so when you are in your early or mid-twenties. IN retrospect, I regret the years I spent apart from my spouse due to 'but my career', etc.

In general, I'd like to tell them to give less of their souls to the company store, but that so goes against all that bullshit that you get at your liberal arts college about 'making a difference' and your career as your identity, etc.
I suppose I"ve been thinking about mortality more than usual this week, and in the grand scheme of things, I"m feeling like most of the time it is just a job.

Why is this something you don’t think you can tell your teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to advise my daughters not to kill the relationship on the hill of "But my career." When it comes down to it, work's not really all that exciting, even though it may seem so when you are in your early or mid-twenties. IN retrospect, I regret the years I spent apart from my spouse due to 'but my career', etc.

In general, I'd like to tell them to give less of their souls to the company store, but that so goes against all that bullshit that you get at your liberal arts college about 'making a difference' and your career as your identity, etc.
I suppose I"ve been thinking about mortality more than usual this week, and in the grand scheme of things, I"m feeling like most of the time it is just a job.

I tell my daughter the exact opposite. Don’t make a decision about your education or your career based on a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to advise my daughters not to kill the relationship on the hill of "But my career." When it comes down to it, work's not really all that exciting, even though it may seem so when you are in your early or mid-twenties. IN retrospect, I regret the years I spent apart from my spouse due to 'but my career', etc.

In general, I'd like to tell them to give less of their souls to the company store, but that so goes against all that bullshit that you get at your liberal arts college about 'making a difference' and your career as your identity, etc.
I suppose I"ve been thinking about mortality more than usual this week, and in the grand scheme of things, I"m feeling like most of the time it is just a job.

I tell my daughter the exact opposite. Don’t make a decision about your education or your career based on a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife.

An enthusiastic +1.

I've watched my stepson throw his education and career away for his girlfriend and he's wasted much of his 20's with her. She has a great career going, while he's floundering. My daughter will be getting the same advice my mother gave me: make your decisions on education and career based on YOU. Relationships often don't last and then where will you be?

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you feel you can't tell her that? I've advised my teen DS on sexual things along those lines, and will tell my tween DD too. As you wrote, I'm sure they'd rather not have heard it from me, but there's a lot of things they'd prefer not to hear from me. But I'm still telling them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom, so I've had to talk to my boys about things that are uncomfortable. I would feel worse sending them out into the world not having had those conversations. Just do it. Admit to your DC that it's uncomfortable for you both but it has to be said.

yes, me too. just told my son he smells and needs to wear deodorant and shower more. not a pleasant conversation but i did it. them left him a deodorant on his bed. he seems to be using it and showering on his own...

[Anonymous]

We tried to delicately talk to our son about not choosing colleges based on where his girlfriend was going. Although his college choices are great schools, I wish they weren’t contingent on where she wants to go.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, what am I missing here? Isn’t part of parenting giving your children those nuggets of wisdom and advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, what am I missing here? Isn’t part of parenting giving your children those nuggets of wisdom and advice?

Do you have teenagers? They are more apt to run from your nuggets of wisdom just because you, the parent, gave it.

[Anonymous]

I sort of want to be able to tell her all the mistakes I made in marrying her father but it would violate the rule about not bad-talking the other parent. I also suspect that even if I could tell her all of it, she might still make the exact same mistakes. Because they are the same damn mistakes women have been making so generations and humanity is programmed to only learn things the hard way.

But I have told her the thing about never leaving your drink unattended and never leave a friend behind at a party/bar/concert/whatever.

I’m struggling with how to talk to my son.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and I wish so much all the time I could tell these teenage girls they don’t have to play these games with these little teenage boys. Don’t let them take your phone so you can screech GIVE IT BACKKKK PLEASSSEEEEE!! I hate the way they let themselves sound so helpless sometimes. I wish I could convey to them if one of these teenage guys says something and it makes you feel bad, IT MEANS NOTHING. You have all the power here if you want it, quit letting the boys think you don’t!