My 10-year old daughter struggling

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have any tips for our family? My child is having a really rough time.

She is having frequent crying spells/ anxiety that all seem to end up in her mentioning some aspect of having been adopted. She is a very active child, who has great friends at school and in the neighborhood. She is doing ok at school, though at home, we have been having increasingly frequent meltdowns. Her sister and her could practically be twins, they have so many facial features, stature, and other mannerisms in common. Thus, I'm surprised this is occurring so long before "adolescence" begins.

We live in a community of people where she encounters many adopted children in her daily life, both at school, and in the neighborhood, church etc. Some have suggested more contact with other adoptees, I'm just not convinced that will help, as these people have been been part of her life for a long time now.

Any help that you could suggest would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

There are therapists who specialize in adoption counseling. I think Adoptions Together gives classes and may be able to refer you. The counseling could be for you and/or your child. (You on how to respond and help her.) Or even peer groups for your child.

[Anonymous]

Here is another resource: http://www.adoptionsupport.org/
They have a counseling section.

[Anonymous]

How old is the sister? There may be some sibling dynamics complicating things. Hope things work out

[Anonymous]

Well, I was an "anxious" kid, and I was not adopted. My anxiety took the form of being afraid of making mistakes or not being perfect with my schoolwork, and then some social anxiety.

When these issues were very directly and explicity addressed, I kind of learned to cope.

It may be that your child simply has an "anxious personaltiy" that happens to be manifesting itself via adoption issues. Or it could be that some adoption issues are contributing to her anxiety.

A good counselor might be able to suss it out and, more importantly give some tips on how to overcome it.

[Anonymous]

Some of this may be adolescence related, and while adoption is mentioned. you may be just having these issues even with a bio child.

Not dismissing the adoptive-angle, but wanted to mention we had these issues beginning around this age with DD- the beginning of adolescence can be rough.

A good psychologist with familiarity with adoptive issues may be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for all of your heartfelt suggestions.

We appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

here's some info about an online course that may be helpful -
http://www.onethankfulmom.com/the-daily/1803/

[Anonymous]

My adopted daughter, now 19, has struggled with identity issues since 1st or 2nd grade. I strongly recommend you read "Beneath the Mask: Understanding adopted teenagers" It really helped me appreciate the issues these kids face. Counseling can be very useful, but try to find a therapist that has a lot of experience with adopted kids. Good luck.