Do all dads get annoyed when they have to watch the kids?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I am at the end of my rope.
I have gone to the grocery store twice in the past 10 days and when I get home, it's been to an irritated, annoyed husband. He admittedly gets extremely stressed out when watching the kids (1yo & 4yo). When asked what is wrong, he says "you get to do whatever you want, when you want". (um hello I was at the grocery store buying food for our family). He has many other issues (alcohol, adhd, anxiety), but my main question is, do other people deal with this on a daily basis? Or is this part of the bigger issues? The push back and annoyance re: watching kids? Are all dads like this? Other examples... On Sunday I asked him to take our DS for a scooter ride and dog for a walk so I could clean the basement and put laundry away while the baby was napping. He responds like a teenager, annoyed that I'm "kicking him out of the house because I decide it's time". I would have loved to switch places in that scenario, but he won't put away laundry, so here we are.. If I am out at the store, he will call me "[Baby] is up" when she wakes up from a nap..and then get more & more irritated until I come home. I have started saying "Ok, then take care of her", which I know is not going to help anything, but I.AM.SO.FED.UP. I understand he needs "breaks" more than other people, and I'm not going to leave my kids in an unpleasant situation, so I primarily care for them on the weekend. We both work FT during the week and I am the primary earner before anyone asks. I also do all bills/daycare/FSA/etc. He does cook. If this is common, how you do deal with it? I feel so guilty thinking of disrupting my kids nuclear family (they of course love him), but it is driving me crazy! I literally have no time to myself, while he has the majority of a weekend day every weekend. When I point this out, his [extremely immature] response: you're the mom / you're the one who wanted kids.. I also worry that the kids will soon start to notice his impatience. Friends and family have noticed it (for example, him getting frustrated w/ kids when we are out to dinner), so I know it's not just me... Any advice is welcome. When he CAN pull it together and stay calm, i love being together as a family. I still see the person I love and I want that so badly for my kids. |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
| um, no, not all dads are like this - you got a raw deal, sorry. Primarily caring for them during the weekend is a recipe for resentment and toxicity down the road. I know the path of least resistance is to do this but that's not a fix. Have you guys tried therapy? |
Anonymous
|
Your DH is a man/baby who can't handle being a parent. Sorry. We are all under stress. He needs to step up. Your answer is his response.. " you're the mom / you're the one who wanted kids.."
The way I would handle it is to tell him ..."You need to step up and be a damn parent and grownup and do things when they need doing, and stop acting like our kids who whine and complain when told to do something. We are all stuck in here amidst a crisis. Grow the f* up". I would say it just like that. -signed a mom who is working FT from home right now with two kids |
Anonymous
|
No this is not common. But I do have some friends whose husbands were like that during the early years and became much better around 6 or so. Not that that's great, but just to give you some hope.
|
Anonymous
| I was in a slightly less severe situation but I told him it needed to stop or I would leave and take our child. I started running errands in the evening several times per week. Eventually he started to enjoy it and now it's not an issue at all. BUT if alcohol is a problem and he has that alcoholic agitation/anxiety that comes when something is impeding their access to drinking rituals this is a different thing that is more risky. That wasn't the case for us. |
Anonymous
|
I think you know the answer to this question.
No, of course it's not "all dads." But some, certainly. Just as some moms lack patience as well. |
Anonymous
| No, Sorry it’s not normal. |
Anonymous
|
No, my husband is the main parent and even if he is in the most stressful call if one of the girls walks into the room his whole face lights up at them.
He's definitely the superior parent to me. |
Anonymous
|
No they are not.
Some dads are amazing and step up and figure it out. My DH has watched an infant and a preschooler every morning until 2 pm and then went in to work for second shift since I'm also in the office in the am (essential). He fed and put both to nap as necessary, did at least one outside outing a day and did laundry. We all have to do what we have to do. He is an involved father and husband and is doing his part during the crisis. Sure he's lost his patience a couple times and there was screen time when all else went haywire. |
Anonymous
Right here is your problem |
Anonymous
|
Really - all dads?
Sorry, your anti-man attitude is such a turn off and it makes me realize there is likely another side to the story. Misandry is no better than misogyny |
Anonymous
| Young kids can drive all parents crazy, some are just more use to it than others. |
Anonymous
Yes. The therapist told him that is was probably not a good idea to come back until he was willing to put effort into it. He was happy to hear that and we have not been back. I am aware there are bigger issues here. I guess I Was wondering, is the annoyance something that remains in a lot of couples who aren't dealing with the mental health aspect. |
Anonymous
| Nope, my husband loves the 1-1 time and being able to do it his way. He encouraged me to go out on my own or with friends. |