"Holding back" K student??

[Anonymous]

Our situation is this: DD started K as a young 5, summer birthday, in our local public. She has thrived academically, but is described by her teachers as immature behaviorally. She can't focus for as long as others, and gets "silly", "distracted" and "has a hard time calming down". Also, it's obvious (to me) that she has a hard time keeping up socially; she's just no where near the kids who are 6 months older than she is and light years away from being able to hang with those who are closer to a year older.
I feel we should have waited a year on K. She is the youngest in her class.
I'm considering doing this--Sending her to K at another school next year. It would have to be private because I don't think her teachers would "hold" her back. Has anyone done this successfully? I'm worried that she knows she should be going to 1st grade...how do you explain this? I feel this is really the right thing for her, but I don't know how to go about doing it. Would a No. Va. private school accept her as a student under these circumstances? I'm thinking a Catholic, St. Rita's possibly?
Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Have you had her evaluated at all? I'm not trying to freak you out, but some of what you're describing sounds like the sort of behavioral or possibly neurological issue which is best addressed by treatment. Has anyone considered a mild case of SPD or ADD/ADHD? It might be that what she needs is an IEP that gets her the academic supports she needs (for when she needs them) but still lets her continue on at her grade level. How is she doing academically? If she's on par with her peers (i.e., learning to read without difficulty) then holding her back may be the opposite of what she needs. You don't want to take a distractible child and put her in an environment which isn't intellectually stimulating - how do you think it will affect her behavior to be bored?

[Anonymous]

We're doing the same with our June B-Day DD, due to a very similar pattern. Admin in our private have been supportive. I think you should go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am normally against holding kids back, but you did give it a real try. I would get a real evaluation before making a decision, but I get your concern.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DD is as you describe. Young for grade, thrives academically, but socially immature. We did not hold her back and I have not regretted it. Why?

Well, not to freak you out, but at 8 she is STILL socially immature compared to her peers. Holding her back one year would not have fixed that and woudl have exacerbated other issues. And academically, she is very advanced. She was bored in 1 and 2, but now is in the GT program in 3rd and is challenged. And the behavior issues in school have dramatically decreased now that she is being given appropriate level work. Can you really see your child, if she is advanced academically, doing the same work in K all over again? Starting all over with learning letter identification, etc.? And a child who lacks impulse control is going to deal with that boredom in ways that may be even less appropriate than what she is doing now.

And I think that you are wise to think about her her self esteem if you hold her back. I think it is one thing to delay school entrance entirely for a year and another thing to hold them back once they have entered.

If you said that she was struggling academically with the work, I would say holding her back could be a good idea. But if she isn't, and is in fact advanced, then holding her back may just create new and different problems while you try to solve one.

FWIW, we did do a full neurospych eval on my DD to make sure there was no ADD, etc. going on. She does have mild anxiety, but in general the psychologist said that her main issue in school was that she was not being appropriately challenged, was bored and was fidgeting. So an eval is not a bad idea if you have concerns about underlying issues.

[Anonymous]

We have a July boy. We didn't hold him back. I regret about it it everyday for 2 years! But he was very much ready socially though. Now, he is in the second grade, and I finally see that he is OK.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation. My daughter was always the youngest one and so utterly out of her depth with the other girls, who always seemed so sophisticated to me. We did not hold her back in K, and probably should have. We did end up holding her back in 3rd and that went great. She's in a multi-age classroom so it wasn't a big deal and socially her peer group were the younger kids anyway. She had a year to breathe and to catch up and is on-target for academics and social skills.

BTW, K is young to be tested for ADD/ADHD and have that ruled out completely. I would re-evaluate her in a year or two. She might still benefit from a social skills group, either at the school (our school does a "lunch bunch" and the kids learn about personal space, taking turns, not interrupting, etc.) or outside of school. Insurance can cover it in some cases. My daughter does both and that has helped her a great deal.

To be honest, not trying to freak you out, but she does sound like she has ADHD. Maybe treat her like she has it, i.e., get her the behaviorial therapy/social skills training that is suggested for ADHD whether she has a formal diagnosis or not.

Good luck!