Child's Input in School Choice

[Anonymous]

For parents of older kids, how much input are you allowing your child in deciding to which schools to apply? How much say will s/he have when the decision letters come? Our DC is applying to 4th grade, and has strong preferences for a particular school. Obviously, we won't know if that school is actually a choice until March. But DC has been an active participant in this process and has provided lots of input, though much of what DC continues to state is somewhat superficial yet important to DC. We (parents) prefer a different school for DC, but would be happy with DC's choice as well. What is a reasonable amount of input from a rising 4th grader in terms of making the ultimate decision?

[Anonymous]

Kind of premature, don't you think? When the results come in, you may not have much of a choice as to which school to choose. But best of luck to you anyway.

[Anonymous]

For 4th grade I don't think I would let it sway the decision. I would let it inform your decision, but not change it.

They will adapt to your choice.

[Anonymous]

I would postpone the discussion until you know where you were accepted. So many times the acceptance offers drive this! If DC is accepted to both, I would try to figure out why you like one school and DC does not. Does DC like a less prestigious school? Does DC have friends at DC's preferred school? Is location a factor, and you prefer a more convenient school?

Obviously DC needs to be on board but Fourth Grade is too young to make the choice independently!

[Anonymous]

My DD is applying to 9th grade and the choice is entirely her's. If she decides to stay at her current school that would be fine too. Obviously, she's older.

I don't think its too early to get this straight in your mind. if your child thinks it is going to be his call, and you will have other ideas, I don't think you should let your child's sense of this solidify.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't rush it. Tell your child that when and if the acceptances come, you will sit down as a family and discuss. The instinct is to tend to move forward but I think things will resolve themselves more easily than expected.

Our child was hesitant and we just kept reminding him that we will finish the process, see where the chips fall and then sit down together to discuss. Definitely include their opinion (and ask lots of questions to get the important info).

As it turned out for us, the decisions could not have been neater as all of us preferred one school over the rest. We didn't even need to have the discussion. No muss, no fuss.

[Anonymous]

12:48 My child is also applying to 9th but the choice is absolutely not entirely DC's!

[Anonymous]

12:48 again. We only applied to schools that we would ultimately be fine with. She attends a private school now that is great, but she isn't happy there. She has really taken control of this process -- first persuading us to apply, then researching the schools and really preparing for the interviews. I see this as a great reflection of her budding independence and am proud of how she has approached this, in spite of my and my husband's initial reluctance. Her reward is that she will get to make the ultimate decision, and she has demonstrated that she is up for the responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Another parent of a rising 9th grader. The ultimate decision is entirely his because he will only have choices we are happy with, assuming he has choices after decisions are made. He didn't apply anywhere we wouldn't be happy to have him go.

At 4th grade I would not leave it up to the child because you have much better perspective on the long term than a 9 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kind of premature, don't you think? When the results come in, you may not have much of a choice as to which school to choose. But best of luck to you anyway.

. OP here. We are finalizing the list of schools to which applications will be submitted. So these conversations are not premature as they will ultimately impact choices or lack thereof in March. Some applications are in. Some are still being discussed...thus my question about input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would postpone the discussion until you know where you were accepted. So many times the acceptance offers drive this! If DC is accepted to both, I would try to figure out why you like one school and DC does not. Does DC like a less prestigious school? Does DC have friends at DC's preferred school? Is location a factor, and you prefer a more convenient school?

Obviously DC needs to be on board but Fourth Grade is too young to make the choice independently!

DC likes her current school which is okay from our perspective but not the best fit long term. She would prefer to stay but is willing to move to one of the schools that she visited. Regarding prestige, her current school has more prestige than all those we are considering. Friends are all at the current school and she knows no one at any of the schools we are considering.

[Anonymous]

I don't think a fourth grader should get much input. Too much responsibility. As a sidenote, close friends of mine let their sixth-grader choose between the several top schools to which the child had been admitted. There was a school they liked best, but the child preferred another and they let him choose. A year later, it's been less than ideal and not a good fit (for the reasons they foresaw when deciding) and they are regretful.

[Anonymous]

At that age, we told each kid that his/her opinion was one important factor we would consider as we made the decision. Basically, we would have ruled out any school they hated. For one child, the biggest decision was whether to repeat a grade at the new school (because of the disconnect between the public and private cut-offs). We (the parents) decided that would be a good idea and proceeded to sell DC on the idea. For the youngest, he was initially dubious about the school we preferred, but after a visit liked it. He might have chosen a different school if given free choice (he got into several) but we went with the one we thought would be the best fit, and he's very happy.