Venting about my DH...
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Anonymous
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I just need to vent a minute about my DH. He's been out of town on work travel for that last 5 (!!) nights. I have been alone with 2 toddlers (SAHM). I have had a bad, bad respiratory infection for the last 7 days. It may be the flu but as you can imagine, I really want to avoid going into an ER or UC with the kids. I have not left the house with these two children, I am getting about 2-3 hours of sleep a night because it feels so horrible to lay down and kids waking up. Last night he forgot to put a diaper on our toddler who is not night trained yet and he peed his bed and he woke me up at 4am with soaked jammies. He works a horribly high travel job so is gone quite often.
He ran to the grocery store to stock up on things and got 3 items- deli meat, a chicken, fancy cheese and iced coffee. Not exactly what I was expecting in the middle of this coronavirus for a family of 4 with two little ones. I ended up making a massive delivery order set to come tomorrow but required it took me about an hour to do it this morning. He has not taken a day off in 2 years and we have no gone on any vacations. Start up environment job with "Unlimited vacay" lol. I asked him to please work from home across the play room to supervise the kids and of course he is not happy about it. His entire office is WFH during this time and he is still traveling several times a week for work (domestic). I'm just like.. wth is wrong with you? And was he like this pre kids? Nope, nope, nope! Did half the cooking, etc. Which, as a SAHM, no I do not expect him to do that BUT in times when your wife is exhausted and very sick, time to pick up the slack happily. |
Anonymous
| I hear ya. I'd be frustrated in those circumstances, too. Wonder why he doesn't feel he can take time off/want to take time off? Fear/anxiety? Workaholism? Is he open to therapy either as a couple or individually? |
Anonymous
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That's awful, OP. I'd start with your immediate need. You need to go to the doctor. Make an appointment and give him a specific day/time that he needs to be home to take care of the kids so you can go.
Discuss the other travel and responsibility stuff when you are feeling better. My husband works a lot and travels for work at least once a month. I do think there are a lot more expectations on him and his job is not as accepting when a man says he has family responsibilities. My husband NEVER pushes back. Also, I can't send him to the grocery store becasue he'd mess up even in normal non-emergency stock up times. So solidarity on that one. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
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I’ll let you in on a secret, OP. A high-travel job is NOT horrible, it is actually quite wonderful. Uninterrupted sleep, gourmet restaurant meals, no housework, no driving, no tiny person whining for your attention when you want to watch TV or read or exercise. For someone who doesn’t care about spending time with their family (and it sounds like your DH is one of these) it is quite wonderful.
You’ve already enabled this behavior for several years so I doubt he’s going to change unless you’re lucky and he responds to an ultimatum. So you need to decide whether to put up with it (consider it a tax of SAHMing) or get rid of him and strike out on your own independently. |
Anonymous
| Get yourself to the doctor. |
Anonymous
| Please call your dr. Imagine if you have COVID19. |
Anonymous
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If you don't have Covid-19 and he travels and infects you with it, your chances of survival will be diminished by the respiratory tract infection you already have. This is serious, OP. YOU are in danger, not your kids. Pitch a fit, and tell him that unless he promises to stay home for the duration of the pandemic, you will walk out and stay at a hotel. Kids are on him. |
Anonymous
| Thanks everyone for giving some support. I am actually doing worse today and was gasping for air. I don’t necessarily think I have Covid-19 or anything. Although he has been to a conference or two since February in addition to travel meetings. I have a tele doc appointment in an hour. It will be my first one (by video) but it says I can have a possible PA come out after. Like others have mentioned, I am concerned with going into a doctor’s office and possibly picking it up when my system is down. It is likely the flu? It was going around our community. |
Anonymous
Op, you may have pneumonia at this point. Please call your PCP ASAP. Or make an appt with Teledoc. Now. |
Anonymous
| OP you need to give him a LIST of what you want from the store. Most men are idiots and will pick thing they like eating and drinking and forget everyone else. |
Anonymous
+1 OP, you don't realize that you may be seriously ill. Pneumonia can require hospitalization. You are having serious breathing issues and he MUST focus on you now. Do not downplay your illness. |
Anonymous
| OP - report back on your health. Your workaholic DH is for another day. |
Anonymous
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Of course the odds are very low......... but how are you so confident in saying it’s not the coronavirus. You have breathing issues? WTF. For the sake of everyone take this seriously. You may qualify for a test. 99% it’s not, I know. But follow the protocol. Take this as a come to Jesus opportunity to drop everything and take care of yourself. Can his parents come to town? He needs to step up and arrange.
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Anonymous
| You’re trolling right? You’re at high risk for covid19 and living with someone who is traveling often for work? You are a super spreader. Call the DOH and keep your husband home. I mean, assuming this isn’t a joke. |
Anonymous
| Gasping for air? It's time to go to the ER. Worried "about picking something up"? YOU ALREADY HAVE "SOMETHING"!! |