Trying not to burn bridges over COVID

[Anonymous]

We live in a mini building with 3 floors. We are lucky enough that our kids 4 and 6 have playmates 5 and 7 in the building. The problem is that my youngest has asthma and is prone to pneumonia (has had it twice in 4 years), so we have started a very strict protocol of hand washing, took her out of pre-K, showering parents, brother as soon as they return from work or school, laundering every thing every day, disinfecting door knobs, handles daily, etc etc. Now, our neighbors although verbally have agreed with me about the extra lengths ,are in practice very loosey-goosey, and their kids try to come over to my place every afternoon (I work from home and would usually allow it), but I am growing significantly anxious and resentful that they are still taking their kids to large gatherings and not being super diligent about contamination. How can I best approach this with the mom without looking judgy or crazy over reactive. They are new to the building so although they have heard about my daughter's issues, they haven't seen us when she's in the hospital or wheezing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can tell your neighbor not to bring her children to gatherings. But you can certainly say that you cannot have them over because your DD is at risk.

[Anonymous]

Is this family aware of your child's history of pneumonia, etc.? If so, they should be understanding when you ask to limit your kids' interactions. I can't imagine someone not getting it (and I'm not a parent who is currently freaking out).

[Anonymous]

Tell them your kids are sick. Or you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them your kids are sick. Or you are.

+1 you can’t stop them from their activities, but be prepared for your kids to be bummed out their friends can’t visit.

[Anonymous]

my kids don’t have preexisting conditions but we won’t allow any play dates during this period. so if you want you can just tell them no playdates during covid. no further explanation is necessary, really, even for healthy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my kids don’t have preexisting conditions but we won’t allow any play dates during this period. so if you want you can just tell them no playdates during covid. no further explanation is necessary, really, even for healthy kids.

This. I’m not allowing visitors during this period. It’s common sense. State your rules and don’t apologize. If the mom acts weird after this, you don’t want her as a friend anyway.

[Anonymous]

I am allowing small playdates with one next door neighbor's kids but if she had any concerns whatsoever, esp with a pre-existing health condition, I would want her to tell me. Absolutely no offense taken. If feel horrible if I found out later, so please be clear about your desires upfront. Perfectly understandable.

Good luck and good health to your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you can tell your neighbor not to bring her children to gatherings. But you can certainly say that you cannot have them over because your DD is at risk.

+1 You can't control them but you can control the access to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Just say no visitors at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a mini building with 3 floors. We are lucky enough that our kids 4 and 6 have playmates 5 and 7 in the building. The problem is that my youngest has asthma and is prone to pneumonia (has had it twice in 4 years), so we have started a very strict protocol of hand washing, took her out of pre-K, showering parents, brother as soon as they return from work or school, laundering every thing every day, disinfecting door knobs, handles daily, etc etc. Now, our neighbors although verbally have agreed with me about the extra lengths ,are in practice very loosey-goosey, and their kids try to come over to my place every afternoon (I work from home and would usually allow it), but I am growing significantly anxious and resentful that they are still taking their kids to large gatherings and not being super diligent about contamination. How can I best approach this with the mom without looking judgy or crazy over reactive. They are new to the building so although they have heard about my daughter's issues, they haven't seen us when she's in the hospital or wheezing.

Just be honest - your youngest child is immunocompromised and can't have friends over or be in close contact with other people. Could they all join a Minecraft server and play for a little while each day?

If I was her, I would appreciate you being direct with me and would not take it personally at all.

[Anonymous]

No contact.


No contact.


No contact.


I have a child with asthma and pulled both kids out of school. We have a strict procedure to avoid contaminating the house when we come in, and sanitize our hands when we’re out.
No socializing at all.

Just tell her very clearly. Your child’s life is more important than hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them your daughter has health issues and you’re not doing play dates right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell them your kids are sick. Or you are.

+1 you can’t stop them from their activities, but be prepared for your kids to be bummed out their friends can’t visit.

This is your best bet right here. In two weeks, the numbers will get to the point that you can blame more official policies. In the meantime, everyone's sick and you don't want to risk passing things on.

[Anonymous]

"with DD's health issues and her tendency for pneumonia, we've decided to put a halt to all playdates. " (which is something you really should do considering her history)

There is no need to make it about their loosey goosey issues. If you just come across as a mom whose kid has health issues that put them at risk so you're taking a lot of precautions, you'll be fine.

But yes, given her history, you shouldn't be doing playdates at all, even if the other kids are being as strict as you.