How to express sexual needs

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for 6 weeks. We really hit it off right away and communicate via text daily. In the beginning we would see each other quite a bit. After one great date, the next morning we were back together with one another again for another meetup because we had so much fun hour earlier. In the past couple of weeks things have slowed up and we see each other once a week. He is very busy finishing his doctorate. I am in a different phase in life and have a lot of free time. We have not had sex yet, but have come very close. This is the longest I've waited for sex when there is such a strong mutual attraction. Now I am starting to get hesitant on sex because I'm afraid he won't be able to meet my frequency needs given his schedule and the fact that he likes a lot of time to himself. How can I gently talk with him about this, without coming off as needy?

[Anonymous]

You. have. got. to. be. kidding.

1. You have not yet had sex
2. He is busy with a doctorate
3. You want to raise the issue of his business in terms of how it will interfere with your sexual requirements

No, just no. Break up with him now. He doesn't need you.

[Anonymous]

Give to get. For example, just start giving him frequent BJs such as at random times when you?re together.

If he doesn?t eventually reciprocate you know he?s a dud.

[Anonymous]

Once his doctorate is complete I'm sure he will be happy to play doctor with you. Why not invite him to your place for dinner and take the lead on your turf. Get him on the couch and make the first aggressive move. If he doesn't have any interest move on.

[Anonymous]

Until he has more time be satisfied with once a week and in the interim get yourself a magic wand. But first you need to have sex with him to see if it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

When I was finishing my doctorate, it was 6 months of writing for 18 hours a day. Can't even imagine dating someone during that time.

[Anonymous]

The times you have come close why didn't it happen?

Do you know his thoughts on sex ? Is he only comfortable in the context of exclusivity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was finishing my doctorate, it was 6 months of writing for 18 hours a day. Can't even imagine dating someone during that time.

When I completed mine the only one happier was my husband. It is a mental and physical grind and it's no fun for anyone. We would have sex about once every two weeks and it was never wild and crazy. Now we are back to a couple of times a week and we are both very happy. Since it is a grind let him know that you know it is a grind and that you and have thoughts on how he can relax.

[Anonymous]

Dud and/or ED most likely. Move on. Life is too short to have sexual needs go unsatisfied.

[Anonymous]

never thought of partners of PHD students as a niche market craving sex. I volunteer to help in the name of education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The times you have come close why didn't it happen?

Do you know his thoughts on sex ? Is he only comfortable in the context of exclusivity?

OP here. It didn't happen due to "time of the month". There is a definite strong mutual attraction. He is fine with not being exclusive currently. I would prefer exclusivity, but can wait for it to sprout organically later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a guy for 6 weeks. We really hit it off right away and communicate via text daily. In the beginning we would see each other quite a bit. After one great date, the next morning we were back together with one another again for another meetup because we had so much fun hour earlier. In the past couple of weeks things have slowed up and we see each other once a week. He is very busy finishing his doctorate. I am in a different phase in life and have a lot of free time. We have not had sex yet, but have come very close. This is the longest I've waited for sex when there is such a strong mutual attraction. Now I am starting to get hesitant on sex because I'm afraid he won't be able to meet my frequency needs given his schedule and the fact that he likes a lot of time to himself. How can I gently talk with him about this, without coming off as needy?

LOL you have gone 6 weeks. He has moved on. You can talk all you want but this is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The times you have come close why didn't it happen?

Do you know his thoughts on sex ? Is he only comfortable in the context of exclusivity?

OP here. It didn't happen due to "time of the month". There is a definite strong mutual attraction. He is fine with not being exclusive currently. I would prefer exclusivity, but can wait for it to sprout organically later.

That's a bit different then . Next time it's not that time of the month go for it. You will likely have to initiate since you turned down his previous advances.

Though pps are right given the other commitments in his life it still not be multiple times a week as you would prefer.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry, after he gets his PhD, he will be making $25,000 a year as a postdoc, and will be able to treat you to all the luxuries you deserve while trying to get his dissertation published and striving for one of those "300 applicants per position" tenure track jobs.

[Anonymous]

Though pps are right given the other commitments in his life it still not be multiple times a week as you would prefer.

And meanwhile, I already have my PhD and have plenty of time to meet your needs when he's not available.