Question for parents of African American children regarding racial diversity at private schools

[Anonymous]

How do you really feel about schools that either aren't striving or haven't reached diversity, specifically African american diversity? Forgetting quality of learning, reputation, cost, location, issues at a school. I ask, because one of the schools that fulfills our family's needs in all the other areas, lacks diversity, school of maybe 200 students (age 3 thru 8th grade) and there might only be 5 AA students and one teacher. Whether is right or wrong, the lack of diversity really bothers me but I'm not sure if it should really be a valid concern. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP, first of all, choose the best school for your family.
Second, as a parent of an African American child, I would not (never) sent my child to a school like the one that you describe. There are so many issues, but I don't have the time to go on about them all here.
Also, I would ask myself why the school is set up like that. Is it something that has to do with the attitudes of administrators or location or religion.
Looking at it historically, children in those environments often grow up to complain about how difficult life was for them. They often "give up" socially and academically. They get a sense that they have little power and respect. No hopes of going through the normal crushes that come at about 6th grade. The burden is heavy.
But from another angle, many white children who are raised with little exposure to other races can be insensitive. The silly questions like "do you tan in the summer?" or "if I use your shampoo will my hair get like yours?" or on St. Patrick's Day, "boy, you really look Irish! HA HA" or "eww, your hair is like a brillo pad". Just to mention a few. So the minority child at a school like that is at higher risk of being hurt than in a school with more students of color.
The black child will not retaliate, since it makes no sense to do so. Trust me, there are plenty of dumb hurtful things to say about whites wrt features, complexion, and body habitus. But why go there?
Anyway, OP, as I mentioned, I am short on time.
Childhood is a special time, and it should be fun. My kids' self esteem matters too much.
Pardon the typos.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Completely. And I would even tell the AD something like, "We absolutely love your school. If only we felt welcome here, it definitely would be our top choice. But we just can't send DC anywhere to be the token black kid." You've got nothing to lose and it might help make the school a more realistic option for kids who come later.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me, but not enough to not send my kid there. Also, these aren't permanent choices. You can always reassess later. Sometimes we forget the things that stand out to us as adults don't phase our children. Your kid might love the place. If not, then you can switch.

[Anonymous]

I too agree with the above mentioned poster. Childhood is a special time that should be filled with as many positive memories as possible. As a parent of a child in an idependent school it was very importatnt to me that my DC fit in an environment where not only could they thrive, but be accepted and not feel isolated.

My past experience was the opposite of what you describe above. My DC was in a predominantly AA school prior to enrolling in an independent, and the experience was horrific. The class was unstable and my child was more of an outsider due to intellect and appearance (I am of Hispanic heritage). We desperately needed a diverse, suitable, nurturing and accepting environment.

During the touring process my DH and I debated over the issues of being they only or one of a few children of color and the impact that it would have. This was more of a concern to me, but my DH on the other hand experienced this as a child. Luckily, he adapted and did not carry the baggage of being the only AA at a predominately white school. So I’ve seen both sides of the spectrum. For our DC, we selected the school that we were most comfortable with. My DC is among several children with various backgrounds and we could not be more comfortable. My advice is go with your gut and choose wisely. If you do choose a school with a less diverse classroom. Supplement with activities, but more importantly keep communication with your child open.

[Anonymous]

I went to through school situations similar to your description, both public and private. My parents didn't set up much of an AA social network for us outside of school, since education was their focus. I was generally accepted by my peers and had plenty of friends. n jr high, I had a crush on "the Black boy," and was crushed that he didn't seem to notice me. When I later went to a private school, my guidance counselor, promised that she might know a "Black boy" to take me to prom, but didn't follow through. Since this was the only life I knew, I wasn't unhappy, but I did feel like missing. I like to joke that I didn't find out I wasn't White until college, when my roommate freaked out because she had never met an AA before. Imagine my surprise to find out she was talking about me. This was in the early 80s.

Bottom line, I think it would be a challenge to send your child to such a school. I chose to focus on a diverse environment for my child, because I didn't want her to have the experience I did. I wanted her to be around a variety of people who looked like her and different from her, to help her feel like a full part of the community.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the first PP. In a city like DC, where there are so many AA families with the wherewithal and qulifications to pay for private it school, it says something if a school has such poor numbers -- that they're not committed to it. My kid goes to a private that had a pretty poor record on diversity many years ago, but they are committed to improving in that area, and it shows in recruiting, financial aid, faculty, and curriculum. There really is no excuse for it in 2010. Private school has enough other social issues to deal with (wealth, for example), without paying $25K to have your kid feel isolated.

[Anonymous]

I think some of these schools do want to boost their minority representation, and I wonder how some of these schools with low AA populations will attract AA kids. I understand completely that nobody is willing to have their kid be the token AA kid. But then does it take a group of parents, maybe all friends whose kids get into a school, to change things? Also, there's been a lot of criticism on these boards of white parents who don't want their kid to be the only white at Banneker, but is there a material difference in the two outlooks? I'm not trying to be snarky (and I live in MD, so these issues are less stark), just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these schools do want to boost their minority representation, and I wonder how some of these schools with low AA populations will attract AA kids. I understand completely that nobody is willing to have their kid be the token AA kid. But then does it take a group of parents, maybe all friends whose kids get into a school, to change things? Also, there's been a lot of criticism on these boards of white parents who don't want their kid to be the only white at Banneker, but is there a material difference in the two outlooks? I'm not trying to be snarky (and I live in MD, so these issues are less stark), just curious.

The schools have to essentially pay for the kids as a start. That is in the form of financial aid. That primes the pump.
The white kids at Banneker are not really in the same situation, since they know that they are in the majority population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these schools do want to boost their minority representation, and I wonder how some of these schools with low AA populations will attract AA kids. I understand completely that nobody is willing to have their kid be the token AA kid. But then does it take a group of parents, maybe all friends whose kids get into a school, to change things? Also, there's been a lot of criticism on these boards of white parents who don't want their kid to be the only white at Banneker, but is there a material difference in the two outlooks? I'm not trying to be snarky (and I live in MD, so these issues are less stark), just curious.

The schools have to essentially pay for the kids as a start. That is in the form of financial aid. That primes the pump.
The white kids at Banneker are not really in the same situation, since they know that they are in the majority population.

Before I respond to this, are you stating that the AA children attending independents must recive aid to attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of these schools do want to boost their minority representation, and I wonder how some of these schools with low AA populations will attract AA kids. I understand completely that nobody is willing to have their kid be the token AA kid. But then does it take a group of parents, maybe all friends whose kids get into a school, to change things? Also, there's been a lot of criticism on these boards of white parents who don't want their kid to be the only white at Banneker, but is there a material difference in the two outlooks? I'm not trying to be snarky (and I live in MD, so these issues are less stark), just curious.

The schools have to essentially pay for the kids as a start. That is in the form of financial aid. That primes the pump.
The white kids at Banneker are not really in the same situation, since they know that they are in the majority population.

Before I respond to this, are you stating that the AA children attending independents must recive aid to attend?

No. I am answering the question about how these schools with a low percentage of AA kids can attract some in the future. A little incentive can help. There is risk involved.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks for all the replies.I've got so many different reasonings in my head and it was good to see others reason the same way and that none of you actually agreed on the same points. I have been somewhat leary to ask the AD at the school about it (I wasn't really sure if it was appropriate but now I've changed my mind and I'm going to do just that) but did talk to the one AA teacher when I took the tour. The school is not a DC private, it's a suburban school in an area not too far out but that suffers from a diversity/class issue. There is at least one other school in the area that actively recruits AA students that have no need for financial aid. As a side note, to one of the comments, AA children that attend private schools where I live rarely need to apply for financial aid, but the price point is much lower than DC schools. We toured the school that has the most AA children and weren't impressed with the lower school so that's why we aren't applying there.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'm glad I asked and got some thoughts from you all.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was the one who posted about priming the pump. I did not mean AA=financial aid. If I were going to Bob Jones Univ. to get a degree, to help them break their cycle, I would ask for some financial incentive, like a scholarship. I I expect to suffer socially, I should at least not get poor doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the one who posted about priming the pump. I did not mean AA=financial aid. If I were going to Bob Jones Univ. to get a degree, to help them break their cycle, I would ask for some financial incentive, like a scholarship. I I expect to suffer socially, I should at least not get poor doing so.

I'm trying really hard not to be offended by your post.

[Anonymous]

I'm 18:23, and not the person who has been going back and forth with you. FWIW, I sent my kids to Grace Episcopal, which has great AA representation, so I don't think I'm on the defensive here. But I am wondering about this. What level of AA representation -- 5%, 10%, 20% -- would you say is low enough to justify demanding aid? Also, you dismiss the case of whites at Banneker, but they aren't the majority there or even in DC.

I'm also worried about a sense of entitlement that seems to come through in the demand for aid. Is this based on a reasoning that all whites will treat AAs badly (disagree), or that AA's need a peer group with similar background (agree, but don't think it justifies asking for money).