One custody plan for 15, 7, and 3 year old

[Anonymous]

I have three kids with my stbx ages 15, 7, and 3. We're trying to decide on a good 50/50 custody agreement that takes the needs of all of our children into account. We've read that seeing both parents frequently is good for younger kids but we're concerned that something like the 3-2-2 will annoy our teen because of the number of weekly transitions. We also think it's important to keep our kids together, meaning not having two different custody plans for our older and younger kids. We started out considering the week on/week off plan with one overnight per week. We then thought adding a second overnight would be especially best for the younger kids, that's how we got to 3-2-2. Any advice, especially based upon first hand experience, is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I don't' think there is anything wrong with looking at kids needs separately and making decision about what is best. A 3 year old may need something really different from a 15 year old. The 15 year old is old enough to give input.

If you insist on them all being the same then one week / one week is probably best. I wouldn't add an overnight int he middle - changing beds for one night isn't good. You could do a dinner and spend time during the others week but don't flip flop beds back and forth one night at a time.

[Anonymous]

The 7 and 3 year old should be on your 3-2-2 schedule. The 15 year should largely pick a house and visit the other parent. I can’t imagine having to plan around classes and activities in high school and having to switch houses every 2 days. Sounds like a nightmare - and a recipe to screw up his grades.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher, so my experience is from that standpoint, which may or may not be what you want. I think that the fewer transitions per week is better for everyone, even little kids. It is so hard for kids to go back and fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher, so my experience is from that standpoint, which may or may not be what you want. I think that the fewer transitions per week is better for everyone, even little kids. It is so hard for kids to go back and fourth.

Another teacher and I second this. The school will try to accommodate you with extra textbooks and two copies of report cards, but work left at one parent’s house is still missing and turned in late unless you are nesting.

[Anonymous]

Honestly let the 15 year old do his/her own thing. On a good day they do not want to hang out with 7 and 3 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Most 15 year olds kind of hang out with one parent for awhile and then hang out with the other parent for awhile. It is kind of fluid.

[Anonymous]

You should not have the 15 year old in a position to pick the parent they want to live with. I would talk to the kids. It may make more sense at some times for some to be with one parent and some the other, especially with activities and 1-1 time.

[Anonymous]

How close will you be living? I also don’t think the important thing is that all 3 have the same schedule. Even in an intact household, the 15 year old’s schedule would be wildly different from the 3 year old’s. Will the 15 year old have a car soon? If s/he’s going to be driving and you will be close maybe you can each have a room for him/her and they can choose where to be, so long as you two can keep on good communication so you know where they are every night.

[Anonymous]

I agree with focusing on proximity. Living in the same neighborhood as your Ex allows the 15 year old to go back and forth easily. I would focus on the 7 year old’s schedule. The 3 year old is too young to know better. The 15 yr old just wants to hang with their friends. The 7 year old wants both parents.

[Anonymous]

Your teen might sometimes really like the opposite schedule of 3&7.

For the next 3 years do what your kids ask for. Have them try different schedules and stuff but let them have some say in this. If 7 wants to stay where teen is or 3 wants to stay only with dad or everybody wants to only sleep at moms on the weekends just let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids with my stbx ages 15, 7, and 3. We're trying to decide on a good 50/50 custody agreement that takes the needs of all of our children into account. We've read that seeing both parents frequently is good for younger kids but we're concerned that something like the 3-2-2 will annoy our teen because of the number of weekly transitions. We also think it's important to keep our kids together, meaning not having two different custody plans for our older and younger kids. We started out considering the week on/week off plan with one overnight per week. We then thought adding a second overnight would be especially best for the younger kids, that's how we got to 3-2-2. Any advice, especially based upon first hand experience, is appreciated.

Have you discussed or considered nesting? Even if only until the 15 year old graduates.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I would do: 15 year old on two week schedule. Everyone else on 1 week schedule. Midweek family meals with both parents (or if you're not amicable, meal with non-custodial parent).

Week 1-
mother: littles
father: teen
week 2-
mother: no one
Father: teen plus littles
Week 3-
mother: teen plus littles
father: no one
week 4-
mother:teen
father: littles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I would do: 15 year old on two week schedule. Everyone else on 1 week schedule. Midweek family meals with both parents (or if you're not amicable, meal with non-custodial parent).

Week 1-
mother: littles
father: teen
week 2-
mother: no one
Father: teen plus littles
Week 3-
mother: teen plus littles
father: no one
week 4-
mother:teen
father: littles

This is a good schedule. I think it would also be worthwhile trying to figure out a way every couple months to give the seven year old a special day with just mom or dad.

[Anonymous]

I think the 5/2 schedule works and alternating weekends.

In other words, Dad - M/T, Mom - W/Th and alternate weekends.