As surprisingly as it started, it's over - waiting to m/c

[Anonymous]

This is a bit of a ramble, but I am lacking direction at the moment. Trying to grasp some glimmer of hope.

Had the 7-8 week u/s today. No heartbeat, gestational sack with an embryo much too small for 8 weeks. I have been on prometrium. OB says if I stop it, I should start a miscarriage. I miscarried my first pregnancy nearly six years ago. I turn 43 this month. This pregnancy was a bit of a miracle. Radiologist says it was probably bad genetically.

I got pregnant after the HSG in November. Never had the RE follow up. Should I? I have many questions, including if my problem is old eggs, can an RE do anything except suggest donor eggs? I have federal BC/BS, will insurance cover the follow up, or will I have to wait another 6 months of trying?

Can I do anything to hasten the start of this miscarriage? Evening Primrose Oil?

My husband, who dragged his feet many years about ttc since our daughter was born, is taking this harder than I. Honestly, my eggs are old. I understand it and am truly not surprised, but it is still very very hard.

[Anonymous]

so sorry. it's very sad. maybe IVF with pre-implantation genetics testing to see if any of the embryos are viable before transfer -might be worth it before you go the donor egg route, just an option to think about. whatever you do, i'm so sorry about your MC. hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP, hugs to you. I am so sorry and wish you all the best. Please try to stop beating yourself up. Take comfort where you can. You got pregnant, that is wonderful, right? A very hopeful sign and encouraging for the future.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. There is nothing you did wrong, so please don't beat yourself up. The fact that you got PG on your own is something. Unfortunately the older you are the more likely it is that you will have MC because of potential abnormalities.

I had BC/BS and had no issues with getting them to pay for IVF after a MC (although MC was also from IVF).

One last thing, I had loss at 8 weeks and had to have a D&C. Just something to know about in case things don't work out naturally.

My understanding is that IVF with genetic testing isn't intended for this kind of thing. Its extremely unlikely at 43 that you'd end up with enough eggs to test.

Again, so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

"My understanding is that IVF with genetic testing isn't intended for this kind of thing. Its extremely unlikely at 43 that you'd end up with enough eggs to test. "

That's not necessarily true - some women still stim well at 43, it just depends. You could also do 2-3 back to back cycles to collect embryos, then send them all for testing to see if you get any normals. You would have to do this at a clinic that does the new type of testing that looks at every chromosome, which likely means going to an out-of-state clinic (although SG has been promising for over a year that they are going to start to offer it). So it would be a big effort, but doable if that is what you want to try.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the kind words. I am still waiting for the m/c to start. If it doesn't start by Friday, I am pretty sure I'll be having a D&C next week. PP, can you name some of the out of state clinics?

I am looking for silver linings here, and I am finding some. In no particular order:

First, I got pregnant just over six months into not using protection, and after three months of earnestly timing the intercourse. Silver lining - I can still get pregnant, we just have to get a good egg.

Second, I'll get to have that beach vacation in August that I was just about to book when I found out I was due in August.

Third, we can take our 5 y.o. skiing and I can actually go skiing.

Fourth, we are saved from doing a CVS and potentially having to make hard decisions. The embryo let us know early that things aren't working out.

Fifth, I can go running, have a cup of coffee (1st one in months), drink Diet Coke, get a pedicure, take a hot bath, and cover my grays without worrying that I am causing harm.

Seventh, I do appreciate having my husband and my daughter, who gave me absolutely the best hug ever yesterday just when I needed it most.

Eighth, I have time to get my bad back better (something I have been trying to do without Motrin for six months). I now have a window when I feel no guilt putting a heating pad on my back and taking 600mg of Motrin every few hours.

Ninth, I have good family and friends. I only told a few people, who are supportive and understading.

Tenth, I have miscarried before. I wish I knew then what I know now. It was such a terrifying experience when I just started bleeding before, even though I am now convinced the radiologist then saw a non-viable pregnancy, but wouldn't tell me. I am armed now with the knowledge I will miscarry, so when it comes, I will not be scared.

[Anonymous]

OP again - Sixth, I can remeber how to count and that the sun will come up tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

That's a good list, OP! hugs to you. This is hard.

Just wanted to put it out there that SG, as of last October (I think) now has the complete genetic testing for eggs, so it can look at every chromosome before implanting an egg. Before, I think they just looked at the chromosomes that most commonly showed damage or defects.

Also, if you want to avoid waiting for a m/c, you might seek a D&C. I've had a couple (unfortunately due to detected m/c's waiting to happen) and it really is pretty easy. I felt more in control by scheduling it right away and knowing when it would be over.

Good luck and stay strong!

[Anonymous]

I think you have a great attitude. This is all so hard, but it helps to focus on the positive and not dwell entirely on the negative. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP again. This isn't ending. My OB called, the written radiology report doesn't match what the radiologist told the OB on the phone yesterday. More bloodwork today. Still waiting for this thing to start. I just had a beer because I can confirm I didn't see a heartbeat yesterday. I am thinking there is a D&C in my future. I just want to happen so I can move on. Yes, pp, there is something to be said about having some control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the kind words. I am still waiting for the m/c to start. If it doesn't start by Friday, I am pretty sure I'll be having a D&C next week. PP, can you name some of the out of state clinics?

I am looking for silver linings here, and I am finding some. In no particular order:

First, I got pregnant just over six months into not using protection, and after three months of earnestly timing the intercourse. Silver lining - I can still get pregnant, we just have to get a good egg.

Second, I'll get to have that beach vacation in August that I was just about to book when I found out I was due in August.

Third, we can take our 5 y.o. skiing and I can actually go skiing.

Fourth, we are saved from doing a CVS and potentially having to make hard decisions. The embryo let us know early that things aren't working out.

Fifth, I can go running, have a cup of coffee (1st one in months), drink Diet Coke, get a pedicure, take a hot bath, and cover my grays without worrying that I am causing harm.

Seventh, I do appreciate having my husband and my daughter, who gave me absolutely the best hug ever yesterday just when I needed it most.

Eighth, I have time to get my bad back better (something I have been trying to do without Motrin for six months). I now have a window when I feel no guilt putting a heating pad on my back and taking 600mg of Motrin every few hours.

Ninth, I have good family and friends. I only told a few people, who are supportive and understading.

Tenth, I have miscarried before. I wish I knew then what I know now. It was such a terrifying experience when I just started bleeding before, even though I am now convinced the radiologist then saw a non-viable pregnancy, but wouldn't tell me. I am armed now with the knowledge I will miscarry, so when it comes, I will not be scared.

This post brought tears to my eyes. (Although that could be the PMS). It's so inspiring to see something like this. You are an inspiriation to those of us in the trenches.