making stuff the kids don't like

[Anonymous]

I'm a believer in putting new things on the table for the kids to try. I also try to stick with making one meal for dinner - with a protein, vegetables, & starch, so if they don't like all of it, there's at least something to eat. I don't want to get in the habit of taking orders, making chicken nuggets for the kid who doesn't like what we're having, etc.

But how many times until you just give up on a food? And what if some of us really like it and like a variety of foods, but others only like the same few things over and over?

The salmon thread got me thinking, I love salmon and so does my DD (9). Dh likes it, but my boys (8 & 5) will not touch any kind of fish, not even fish sticks. Our family should be eating more fish, and I'd love to try some of the salmon recipes posted, but I know I'm making a meal that 2 of my 3 kids will not touch. I don't like the idea of making something else for them, but I don't feel good making a dinner I know for sure they will not eat; it almost seems kind of mean as I know they'll end up having nothing but rice for dinner that night - not very healthy.

The salmon is just one example, but vegetables lots more. I LOVE vegetables and I make lots of them. I think a dinner plate should consist of a small serving of protein, a serving of whole grain carbohydrate like brown rice of whole grain pasta, and an abundance of vegetables. DD is an adventurous eater, eats lots of veggies, and will try anything. Dh and I have a salad with our dinner every night, and Dd has been having a salad with her meal since she was 6, and not a "kid" salad - she eats romaine lettuce, red onion, tomato, cucumber and bell pepper with olive oil & balsamic vinegar. The boys will eat only steamed broccoli, no other vegetables. So if I want them to have a vegetable, we have to have broccoli every night, or I have to make broccoli in addition to whatever else I'm making. I put a bit of everything we're having onto their plates each night in the hopes they'll try something new, but I do not believe in forcing them to eat something. I've also tried "hiding" veggies in other things, but the point isn't really about sneaking vegetables into them. I love vegetables - I don't want to be limited to eating vegetables that have been secretly pureed into a pasta sauce. My kids aren't toddlers. I understand a 2- or 3-yr old can be picky and you might cater to them just to get some nutrition into them, but I have always put these foods on my kids plates, from the time they were little, and it's hard to plan meals when there are so few options. At what point do you just say "well, this is what we're having and if you don't like it, too bad."

[Anonymous]

but vegetables lots more

oops, meant to say, "but it's also vegetables and lots more"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: At what point do you just say "well, this is what we're having and if you don't like it, too bad."

Since birth. I haven't really given my kids a choice in their meals, ever. Some things they like more than others, but we all share the family meal. Some nights, they survive on what seems like air. But generally, they eat pretty well. I also took a pretty relaxed approach to introducing foods. I never said, "He doesn't like that, so we'll make something else". I just keep putting it on their plates and 9 times out of 10, they will eventually eat it (after several introductions). Also, some nights they will refuse to eat something. I don't take that as a sign that they will never eat that offending food again. We just keep serving what I'm making. This has worked well for us so far.

[Anonymous]

OP, just make the meal you want to make, and if it's yet another rice day for the boys .... so be it.

Here's why I say that. I have observed that there is a definite cadre of *adults* who are just like your sons. My husband is one of them, and so is his father, and so is my sister. We've all met them, haven't we? The 40 yo who "doesn't like fish"?

Thinking about all these many, many family members and coworkers and random strangers I meet at weddings who are child-like picky eaters tells me that some people are just this way from now until eternity.

You got 2 who are like this, I think, and one (DD) who is not. There's only so much you can do at the margins, so you might as well make the meal that you like and serve it up sans drama.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 15:41, I think you're right. I really sincerely hope my boys won't grow up to be those 40-yr olds who "don't like fish," but all I can do is keep introducing these foods and hoping they'll try something. My older DS did get overwhelmed by curiosity when he saw DD and I really enjoying an apple the other day and he asked for a bite. Unfortunately he thought it was gross and spit it out - aaargh! At least he tried it, though.

My SIL is one of the adults you described and it's absolutely maddening. She doesn't eat fish, nor what she describes as "weird ethnic foods." So Italian & Chinese are ok despite technically being "ethnic" because they're basically mainstream American food. But Thai, Indian, Middle Eastern, Vietnamese, Japanese/sushi, etc. are all "weird ethnic." Last time we were together and trying to choose a restaurant, I almost strangled her. And then when we finally do make it to a restaurant, she always has very explicit special instructions for the preparation of something that's not on the menu because every item on the menu has at least one "weird" ingredient that she doesn't eat. Fortunately we only see her about once a year.

[Anonymous]

I really struggle with this OP.

(And for the record, I at LOTS and LOTS of things, but I "didn't like fish" until I was probably 30. Even now, I really only like salmon cooked a couple of ways, and some very mild white fishes).

I have a 5 year old who is INCREDIBLY picky. He's very sensitive (to everything, not just food), but with the food he's sensitive to textures, smells, flavors, and definitely how it "looks". He will not eat anything that is "mixed" together in the slightest. Even spaghetti... he'll eat it with tomato sauch, but no meat. Even though he likes hamburgers.

I did about a 6 month period of "you will eat what you are served" and it was an astonishing failure. He wouldn't eat 80% of the dinner, he's be hungry, and he'd end up a miserable mess. He also, I think, started to feel like I really must not love him because I always made things that he didn't like (because, unless its hamburgers, hot dogs, or chicken nuggets, he didn't like it). I got him eating salmon a little, but he recently just shut that down too. I think he really doesn't care for it too much, and he's so sensitive that he'd rather not eat (and go hungry) than stick something in his mouth that is offensive in any way.

I used to make him try at least one bite. But after having the poor kid throw up at the dinner table one night, I stopped doing that. Its' just not worth it.

So-- I dont' know what the answer is. I think where I'm headed is maybe having a sit down with him (and maybe his brother?) and creating a list of foods that he DOES like. And then promising I'll make him something he likes at least once a week if he promises to try some of the other things I make the other nights? I don't know if this is a good direction or not. I just feel like the kid isn't getting enough nutrition, my efforts at "hardball" have failed, and I need to get him on board.

[Anonymous]

I have two terrible eaters - one is 5 and one is 7. There was SUCH drama at the table the other night. Imade a delicious homemade chicken pot pie.do I just send them to bed without dinner every night?

I admit, I set this up by being the 'short order cook mom' when they were young. Does anyone have a success story for how they broke their kids of this?

[Anonymous]

Slight success story maybe?

I disagree with the general philosophy of "don't cater to your kids, period" because just like the pp's, it does. not. work. (HA.periods.for.emphasis.)

I think it really truly depends on the kid's temperament. I was never a picky eater and it still irritates me to deal with picky eaters, including my own lovable child. But she's a stubborn one too and if she doesn't want it, she wont' eat it. If I force her, she'll hold it in her mouth forever or she'll only eat the mandatory item to get to some ice cream (bribes always work).

But anyways, most of these food philosophies are way too simplistic and clearly written by people who have not been there done that with a very picky child.

The thing that I have found is that when others around dc are eating foods that dc doesn't normally like, and when they are eating it like it's really yummy, then dc will give it a try and sometimes actually even be persuaded to believe it's good.

Sometimes this works when adults are the "others," but it definitely works more strongly when the "others" are kids.

Another factor that makes dc more likely to eat something that is usually on the "don't eat" list is to serve it when there's hunger involved. Hunger will make a person eat almost anything and find it good.

So on occasion, thanks to a combination of these factors and good luck, dc has occasionally actually surprisingly liked to eat green vegetables, salmon, tomatoes, carrots, vegetable soups and other things that usually have vegetables in them.

Good luck and godpseed.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should alternate between meals that everyone likes, right now you are shorting yourself and DD to cater to DSs, make a meal you know they will like one night and the next night make salmon. Just make sure they like the sides on the salmon night, and maybe a mac and cheese night add in a new veggie for them to try. Maybe have a fruit on the table too so if they don't like the main protein they still have a starch, veggie and a fruit to choose from. Offer a slice of bread and butter too. Maybe try hiding veggies in the starches like potatoes and rice. I know there is an age difference, but my 16 month old ate spinach the past two nights because I mixed it in with brown rice and put italian dressing on it. You could try a baked apple and sweet potato side, or a potato gratin with sliced carrots in it too. You might be surprised what your boys will eat after they have tried it a few times.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your big mistake is not making your DSs try new foods. We make our 9 MO and 3 and 5 YOs try a bite of everything we make, every time. Even if they claim not to like it.

[Anonymous]

At some extreme level, there is a point where it's not being "picky" so much as having sensory processing issues. If a kid can't feel all the textures in his mouth, it's hard for him to chew/swallow it. Or he could be over-sensitive to smell, etc.

This isn't the case for most kids, but if you have an extreme case, you might consider looking into it.

And frankly, an 8 year old who finally tries an apple, then spits it out... that sounds pretty extreme to me!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your big mistake is not making your DSs try new foods. We make our 9 MO and 3 and 5 YOs try a bite of everything we make, every time. Even if they claim not to like it.

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. There's no way I'm forcing my kid to put something in his mouth if he finds it repulsive. I don't care if it's an apple - if it grosses him out, I'm not making him put it in his mouth. I wouldn't want to be forced to eat something and I can't imagine being a small child and having my parents routinely force me to try foods after I said I didn't like/want them.

My kids don't have sensory issues. Not being defensive, but they really don't have any of the signs. (Actually the one child we thought might have some sensory issues was DD, but we did look into it and do some assessments several years ago and it turned out she was fine.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm with you. It is so depressing to take the time to cook a nice meal, when you know some of your family won't enjoy it.

I tell my husband to really appreciate the meals I make and to express his appreciation frequently. I tell my son the picky eater to be polite about not liking anything I make. He also will eat broccoli and green beans, or asparagus, so we do serve those veggies frequently as a side dish, even if I already have one side of vegetables.

I do try to make meals I know my kids will love a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. There's no way I'm forcing my kid to put something in his mouth if he finds it repulsive. I don't care if it's an apple - if it grosses him out, I'm not making him put it in his mouth. I wouldn't want to be forced to eat something and I can't imagine being a small child and having my parents routinely force me to try foods after I said I didn't like/want them.

I'm with you. I make my kids take medicine when they're sick, because they need it to get healthy. There is no food that they must eat in order to be healthy.

I admit that I have occasionally wanted to change the rule to "You do not have to eat or try anything UNLESS YOU COMPLAIN THAT YOU HATE IT."

If my kids don't like any of what we're having for dinner, they are allowed to have leftovers or cereal, provided they are downstairs, ready to eat, ten minutes before dinner. If I am rushing to get everything on and everyone at the table, I am not going to add to the hassle by having to warm up a previous night's dinner or haul out the Cheerios. If you don't like dinner, go get yourself a banana.

[Anonymous]

I went in completely the opposite direction. My personal preference would be to fix one meal and if you eat it, great, if not, see you at breakfast. My husband is a HUGELY picky eater and just is not on the same page as me about food and our child. If I fixed one meal and shrugged my shoulders and said don't eat it if you don't like it, but I am not fixing anything else, he would undermine that and cook her a different meal. That isn't effective and he is not going to change. I am the one who has compromised in this situation. Since my husband does not get home until very late, I feed our daughter dinner and I fix one of her approved meals which is a protein, vegetable, and fruit or just the protein and vegetable. She usually drinks milk or water with dinner. I sit with her while she eats her dinner and then we go on about our bedtime routine. She eats her dinner happily and mealtimes are pleasant as opposed to the battleground that I want to avoid. My husband and I eat together after he gets home. It is not how I thought I would handle this issue before we had children, but it works for us.