What is the most severe punishment you have ever given your child?

[Anonymous]

12yr old DD is in major trouble, and I’m trying to gauge if I’m being too harsh.

[Anonymous]

Mine are a lot younger, so no tv for a whole day was a big one, and the threat of a repeat is enough to keep them in line. I imagine you need something bigger in your arsenal at this point.

[Anonymous]

took phone away for a week

[Anonymous]

Not relevant if we don’t what she did. Sending your child to outward bound is different then taking a phone away.

[Anonymous]

Intentionally made up a lie, so that two of her friends would fight with each other, and hurting one of the girls feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:took phone away for a week

This. But it was for a specific phone-related matter (not sexual in nature) that I’d warned about. Never a problem again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intentionally made up a lie, so that two of her friends would fight with each other, and hurting one of the girls feelings.

wow, that's a hard one. I'm not sure I'd actually give a punishment here. The goal is to communicate your disappointment and have her understand the seriousness of her behavior, and also to open up channels of communication so you can figure out what led her to do such a thing. Also to make reparations through an apology, and possibly a separate good deed (like picking up trash, volunteering at a soup kitchen). this was really a moral failure on her part, and I'm not sure punitive measures will do what you want (teach her to do better). If you HAVE to do a punishment, make it milder than you might think, like taking the phone away for a day, along with the other measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are a lot younger, so no tv for a whole day was a big one, and the threat of a repeat is enough to keep them in line. I imagine you need something bigger in your arsenal at this point.

Yep. Threat of taking away TV after dinner has a massive deterrent effect on my kid too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intentionally made up a lie, so that two of her friends would fight with each other, and hurting one of the girls feelings.

If it was this, I would make her write an apology note to each of them. I would read it to make sure she realized what she did was wrong. Next she would take money out of her savings account to purchase something special for each of the girls.

Finally, she would have limits on technology for a period of time - as well as so commitment for service that we would do as a family. That service might happen during something that she really wanted to do - for example - sorry - I know we already signed you up for the school Ski Trip. Instead of that next Saturday, we are going and cleaning up the playground for the daycare you went to and doing mulch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intentionally made up a lie, so that two of her friends would fight with each other, and hurting one of the girls feelings.

wow, that's a hard one. I'm not sure I'd actually give a punishment here. The goal is to communicate your disappointment and have her understand the seriousness of her behavior, and also to open up channels of communication so you can figure out what led her to do such a thing. Also to make reparations through an apology, and possibly a separate good deed (like picking up trash, volunteering at a soup kitchen). this was really a moral failure on her part, and I'm not sure punitive measures will do what you want (teach her to do better). If you HAVE to do a punishment, make it milder than you might think, like taking the phone away for a day, along with the other measures.

I like this answer.

[Anonymous]

I would not have her take money to buy the kids something. Apology and no electronics or anything outside of normal paid activities and school. Everything else would be restricted. If she's not getting it a few days in her room.

[Anonymous]

Hard punishment for a week during an out of school suspension:

Up at regular time.

Raked our half acre, alone in November.

Hand scrubbed garage doors.

Cleaned every baseboard and wall in our house.

3 mile jog every morning. This might not be punishment, depending on the kid, but made up for missing gym.

Of course his room was deep cleaned.

He got meal breaks.

Class work.

Walked and cleaned up after the dog.

Then read books during the rest of his hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intentionally made up a lie, so that two of her friends would fight with each other, and hurting one of the girls feelings.

I thought this was somebody's punishment...

[Anonymous]

five strokes with the belt

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to punish her? Aren't there natural consequences here like loosing a friend?
Could you instead sit down with her and try to figure out why she did this and then address that? She seems to old for corporal punishment.