younger adult brother sibling
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Anonymous
| My younger brother is 35 and I'm dead in the most stretched out times in my life, 40's, young kids, married, career change, etc... He keeps reaching out to me in the context of being my younger brother and me being his big sister. It's not that he is taking advantage per say but I don't have enough bandwidth to deal with him right now...it's not that he's toxic but he's just got a lot of time on his hands I guess. I've tried to keep contact but it's sooo taxing. He's slightly on the spectrum of Autism but works and functions well. Help me, I've told him numerous times, I am REALLY busy but he keeps reaching out. I think he's looking for a family connection but I have some MAJOR goals I need to hit at this time in my life. |
Anonymous
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What is he asking for? You seriously don't have time for a phone call or dinner?
If he were asking for money or to vacation together for 2 weeks, that's one thing, but you don't mention that--sounds like he just wants a relationship. |
Anonymous
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Call him and meet for dinner or coffee.
It's not that hard.unless you don't like him. |
Anonymous
| Could he take care of the kids some and connect that way? Ask him if he wants to take them to the zoo or come over and play with them? That way he gets a family connection and you get a bit of relief. |
Anonymous
| Include him in your family activities. No need to increase band width. Encourage him to have an Uncle relationship with your children. Then he can help - babysitting or going to one game and you go to another when your kids have conflicting schedules. Have him bring a takeaway dinner to your house and feed the kids and watch a movies with them while you and DH go out to dinner. |
Anonymous
| Play matchmaker |
Anonymous
This. If he's seeking family connection, this will be even better for him and for you. I feel kind of bad that you seem so uncaring. I'm sure you're not, but it comes off that way. Goals are important, but you might later regret it if you let your sibling relationship weaken. |
Anonymous
| gotta be a troll. |
Anonymous
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Troll
or heartless, useless person |
Anonymous
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You are prioritizing wrong, OP.
How are you going to feel when you're old, your husband has died, you reach out to your kids and they are like "Ugh, Ma! I told you a hundred times! I'm really busy at work and with my kids and don't have time for you. Stop calling me! I'll call you in a few years if you're not dead." |
Anonymous
| Be kind. You are not more important than he is. Make a plan, do a dinner, go to a movie, have him over for pizza. You seem so cold in your feelings for him. Everyone needs a little TLC. Your children are watching your behavior. Just try a little harder to be nicer to him. He sounds lonely. |
Anonymous
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Youngest in the family often have this dynamic - that everyone older than them exists for their purpose and benefit.
There is nothing you can do unless you want to ruin your relationship with him and tell him to get lost. Just carry on with what you have to do in your life |
Anonymous
| Your are not more important than he is. |