Afraid to love him

[Anonymous]

DH is fed up with the lack of intimacy. Not sex, we still have sex, more emotional intimacy. Problem is, he's threatened divorce so many times that I've checked out. I'm better off with him than without him, but loving him puts me in a vulnerable position that I don't want to be in. I know I'll ruin my marriage if I keep going this way, but I'm too scared. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I'm inclined to believe you need the psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Chicken and egg. He’s probably threatening divorce because you are cold and distant. This isn’t what he signed up for when he married you. Why aren’t you working on you? You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

Look up Avoidant-Dismissive personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

Then leave, so he can find a woman who will love him. He deserves that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

Then leave, so he can find a woman who will love him. He deserves that.

Don't I deserve to live without emotional abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

Then leave, so he can find a woman who will love him. He deserves that.

Don't I deserve to live without emotional abuse?

You want to add that in now, then sure. So why are you staying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

Then leave, so he can find a woman who will love him. He deserves that.

Don't I deserve to live without emotional abuse?

You want to add that in now, then sure. So why are you staying?

Like I said, I'm still better off with him than without him.

I mean...how do i start saying "I love you" to someone who threatened divorce because I "embarrassed him by going to therapy"? Honest question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You need to ask yourself why you’re scared to be intimate with the one person you should be able to be most vulnerable in front of.

I know why. If I check out first, the divorce won't hurt so badly. I wasn't like this before he started threatening.

Then leave, so he can find a woman who will love him. He deserves that.

Don't I deserve to live without emotional abuse?

You want to add that in now, then sure. So why are you staying?

Like I said, I'm still better off with him than without him.

I mean...how do i start saying "I love you" to someone who threatened divorce because I "embarrassed him by going to therapy"? Honest question.

Then you’re better off without him. Honestly, OP - what happens if you are honest with him about your fears and your feelings?

[Anonymous]

You need to go to therapy anyway, btw. Let him threaten divorce - if he does, then you need to leave. Or do a trial separation - if he agrees to marital counseling. If he doesn’t, why would you stay in an abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

Be honest. Tell him you love him. You needed therapy. You told no one so need to know how it embarrassed him. Then ask him what a loving / supportive relationship looks like and means to him. Tell him what it is to you.

Not talking gets you no where or divorced.

[Anonymous]

DO you love him?

[Anonymous]

This is confusing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is confusing

+1

Why are you better off with him? It makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

You are making no sense.