Abuse or Paranoia?

[Anonymous]

As I was bathing my almost four year old daughter last night, she said, "did you know there is a shower in the basement? We could shower there!" No one in our family has ever used the basement shower, its kind of grimy and tiny, and just sort of exists for overflow house situations. I then asked her if she had ever showered there before and she said, "yes! with a babysitter!" Then she gave me the babysitter's name, and proceeded to tell me that the babysitter was in the shower with her. I cant tell you how weird it would be to use this shower, its nearly impossible to fit one person in, let alone ever think to bathe a child in there when they have a bathroom upstairs. When I asked her why they were down there she just said, "I was dirty!"

This is a 25 year old girl that we found off of UrbanSitter, who is seemingly great (a little quiet) who has babysat our 7 and 4 year old probably 5 times now.

I asked her a few more questions, like, "was your brother with you?" "did you play any games?" And she just sort of ignored the questions like most 4 year olds would. I asked her if this girl was in the shower with her, and she went back and forth between yes and no, but it seemed like she was just focused on something else. She didn't seem upset at all, but we have been dealing with some odd behavior at school since the beginning of the year (since we began using sitters after having an au pair for a few years.) She has bitten herself, bitten a classmate, can be withdrawn at times which she never is at home.

I guess my question is--am I being crazy? I know kids say things, she could have made it up, could have misremembered showering in the basement, etc. What would you do? What should I do, if anything?

[Anonymous]

What I would do:

Not use the sitter again.

Have the kid talk to a counselor trained in talking to abuse victims to find out if anything happened.

Not use a sitter I didn't actually know pretty well in the future, not some stranger from a service.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask the sitter to give them showers/baths before bedtime? Does the basement connect to the outside? Did she babysit during the day and they might have been playing in mud and she just hoses them down? Did you ever come home to them in different clothes when they shouldn’t have been?

At the very least I might not use that sitter again.

[Anonymous]

The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask the sitter to give them showers/baths before bedtime? Does the basement connect to the outside? Did she babysit during the day and they might have been playing in mud and she just hoses them down? Did you ever come home to them in different clothes when they shouldn’t have been?

At the very least I might not use that sitter again.

This is my first thought.

You say your daughter doesn't seem upset....and the way I read your post makes it sound like your daughter sees it as a positive memory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

huh? I think you're WAY over-reacting. The babysitter obviously just gave your daughter her bath (as you instructed) but in the basement shower. Just because in your mind "we never use the basement shower" does not mean that is apparent to everyone. She didn't actually get in the shower with her - you would have noticed her wet hair, obviously. She must have just been reaching into the shower to help with the soap or shampoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

I seriously think there is a logical explanation such as the one you mention. This doesn't sound like anything to me.

[Anonymous]

Ask your 7 year old

[Anonymous]

You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

[Anonymous]

Would you have been okay if the babysitter gave her a shower in upstairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

You’re pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

You’re pathetic.

No, I'm not. There was no screening, no word of mouth, nothing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

You’re pathetic.

No, I'm not. There was no screening, no word of mouth, nothing...

so then offer constructive advice on how to screen or network. Your original statement was intended to be harsh and unhelpful...which is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I would do:

Not use the sitter again.

Have the kid talk to a counselor trained in talking to abuse victims to find out if anything happened.

Not use a sitter I didn't actually know pretty well in the future, not some stranger from a service.

+1
This
Do it just to be sure. It’s not paranoia to consult with a trained professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

You’re pathetic.

Nothing pathetic about being cautious with children who are not yet verbal enough to report something questionable that happened to them.