Abuse or Paranoia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

WAIT WAIT. You’ve had her give your daughter a bath on multiple occasions before?!? Then what the hell is the problem here. It seems totally logical that if bathing your child was part of her job responsibilities then she might have decided to use the bathroom off the playroom on some occasion if you never gave strict instructions not to. I’m so confused now on why you think abuse might have happened because days/weeks later your daughter mentioned getting her bath in a different bathroom. Sounds like you’re way over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

WAIT WAIT. You’ve had her give your daughter a bath on multiple occasions before?!? Then what the hell is the problem here. It seems totally logical that if bathing your child was part of her job responsibilities then she might have decided to use the bathroom off the playroom on some occasion if you never gave strict instructions not to. I’m so confused now on why you think abuse might have happened because days/weeks later your daughter mentioned getting her bath in a different bathroom. Sounds like you’re way over-reacting.

OP is viewing this only through her own lens as the homeowner. She would never use the basement shower, so she assumes that no one else would ever think to use the basement bathroom. Sometimes you have to see situations through others' perspectives. The babysitter probably thought the basement shower was a fine option so that she could bathe the 4 year old while also not leaving the 7 year old to his own devices. But she'll ruin the reputation of a babysitter because she couldn't fathom anyone ever choosing to use the basement bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop leaving your kids with strangers.

You’re pathetic.

Nothing pathetic about being cautious with children who are not yet verbal enough to report something questionable that happened to them.

It’s pathetic (and unhelpful) to simply shame a mom for leaving kids with “strangers.”

If we want to have productive conversations about back up care and safety, we can’t treat each other like this.

[Anonymous]

Paranoia, if you asked her to bathe them.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m a child therapist. If you have any concern/doubt/suspicion, don’t use this sitter again. Positive reviews etc isn’t worth your daughters health and safety. If you have questions, why not ask the sitter? I’d also speak to a therapist about this. Even if it was nothing it’s a good learning moment for everyone on privacy etc.

[Anonymous]

If you had not asked her to bathe them, it would be cause for concern. You literally told her to do this.

[Anonymous]

The way your kid said this I doubt anything happened other than her reaching in to help wash her hair. It sounds like she thought it’d be easier to shower her there if the playroom is down there. I would think if anything bad happened your child would not want to shower down there.
Of course, if you do think something happened I would not use her as a sitter anymore.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand — why would showering your child in the basement mean abuse? Couldn’t the babysitter have abused her if she showered her upstairs too? And you asked the babysitter to shower her. I don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had not asked her to bathe them, it would be cause for concern. You literally told her to do this.

THIS

You are freaking out over nothing, OP. Next time, don't have sitters bathe your kids. I have never had a sitter bathe my kids. There is really no reason for it unless they are a sitter staying with your kids for a weekend or a week or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basement isn't place they would enter from, but it is where the playroom is, its very possible she didn't feel comfortable leaving my son in the playroom and going up two floors to bathe her. I have asked her to give them a bath on multiple occasions before bed. As for the clothes, I don't recall.

FWIW this is a sitter with around 50 positive reviews, who has worked for families in my neighborhood and went to one of the big universities in DC.

I don't think 'll hire her again to be safe. And I think Ill raise at her next doctors appt.

WAIT WAIT. You’ve had her give your daughter a bath on multiple occasions before?!? Then what the hell is the problem here. It seems totally logical that if bathing your child was part of her job responsibilities then she might have decided to use the bathroom off the playroom on some occasion if you never gave strict instructions not to. I’m so confused now on why you think abuse might have happened because days/weeks later your daughter mentioned getting her bath in a different bathroom. Sounds like you’re way over-reacting.

OP is viewing this only through her own lens as the homeowner. She would never use the basement shower, so she assumes that no one else would ever think to use the basement bathroom. Sometimes you have to see situations through others' perspectives. The babysitter probably thought the basement shower was a fine option so that she could bathe the 4 year old while also not leaving the 7 year old to his own devices. But she'll ruin the reputation of a babysitter because she couldn't fathom anyone ever choosing to use the basement bathroom.

Yep this.

[Anonymous]

You are not overreacting. Follow your gut.
-mother of molested child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not overreacting. Follow your gut.
-mother of molested child

I’m so sorry PP. How did you find out and what were the signs.

[Anonymous]

The child’s idea of “in the shower” and yours are probably not the same

It’s also possible that the sitter was entertaining your child and pretended to be taking a showers and maybe even stepped in and your DD joined her. And then they got out. I wouldn’t think they really took a shower.

[Anonymous]

I think the most likely explanation is that the sitter had your DD use the shower downstairs. She’s 4, so she was “in there with her” (i.e., reached in as necessary to shower a 4 year old). Ask your 7 year old. I bet s/he says they used that shower, probably so 7 year old could play at the same time. What I don’t understand is why shower = abuse to you? If she was going to abuse your 4 year old, why would she specifically use an unusual shower? Don’t get that line of thinking at all.