Younger sibling always annoying older one?

[Anonymous]

I have a 5.5yo and a 1yo, both girls. Now that the baby is on the move she is always getting into the older one’s things and it makes my older DD crazy. I try to prevent her from wrecking anything “special” but the problem is that we have a playroom and my older one doesn’t like to be in there alone, which means the baby needs to come in with me too and even though she has her own toys older DD’s stuff is more exciting, and when she sees something she wants she has a meltdown if she can’t have it (and just keeps trying to get it).

Anyway, lately older DD has started saying that she wishes she never had a sister, that the baby is so annoying, and seems to take everything more personally when I have to go feed the baby or do something for her, for example.

Assuming this is a common dynamic, but would love any tips on the best way to handle with my older one especially. She gets plenty of separate time alone with us but I don’t want her to resent her sister or grow up disliking her, and I don’t know how to make her feel less frustrated about her sister wanting to play with one of her dolls, or hold a magnatile, etc.

[Anonymous]

You need to supervise the younger one more. This is what I've always had to do. Now they're 9 and 14 and I still have to police the youngest. She wakes up early and wants to play with the teenager, who wants to sleep in and lounge around. Younger DD is now not allowed in teen's room in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to supervise the younger one more. This is what I've always had to do. Now they're 9 and 14 and I still have to police the youngest. She wakes up early and wants to play with the teenager, who wants to sleep in and lounge around. Younger DD is now not allowed in teen's room in the morning.

I do supervise her really well. The problem is that she is relentless in going after what she wants so my only choice is to remove her from the room sometimes, which then upsets my older one because she doesn’t want me to leave her. So it feels like I can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Talk about it as being a phase, and phases pass. NOW the baby is annoying because she's in an annoying phase, but she will grow and change and won't be in that phase anymore.

Phases are temporary. Sisters are forever.

[Anonymous]

We have the same problem. We have put some things for the older one in her bedroom (which is tiny) and so if she wants to play LOL or light brite, she has to do it in her room. If she wants to play with people, she has play dress up or kitchen or larger play house. It does not stop the younger from wanting to be with the older, but at least the toys are somewhat safe. And then we can play together, which means I can model more for both older and younger. But honestly I just prepare for it to suck for about 3 more years and then again when they are teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to supervise the younger one more. This is what I've always had to do. Now they're 9 and 14 and I still have to police the youngest. She wakes up early and wants to play with the teenager, who wants to sleep in and lounge around. Younger DD is now not allowed in teen's room in the morning.

I do supervise her really well. The problem is that she is relentless in going after what she wants so my only choice is to remove her from the room sometimes, which then upsets my older one because she doesn’t want me to leave her. So it feels like I can’t win.

You are winning, by teaching your kids that they can't have everything! The little one can't get into everything she wants, and the older one can't have the luxury of your attention all the time. Enforce, and don't feel the least bit guilty! I certainly didn't. My kids are not owed every possible thing they wish for. They are owed food and shelter, and a good education.

[Anonymous]

OP you gotta get some kind of baby corral or pack and play and put the baby in there. It's not fair to older DD to have her stuff constantly ruined. And it's not fair to younger DD to expect her not to get into stuff.

[Anonymous]

I made older DD share like three magnatiles but then didn’t let the younger be content with those.

Don’t be afraid to affirm DD’s feelings that it is hard to have a baby in the house. And you too can remember this is a phase and has little to do with whether they call each other as grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do supervise her really well. The problem is that she is relentless in going after what she wants so my only choice is to remove her from the room sometimes, which then upsets my older one because she doesn’t want me to leave her. So it feels like I can’t win.

You are winning, by teaching your kids that they can't have everything! The little one can't get into everything she wants, and the older one can't have the luxury of your attention all the time. Enforce, and don't feel the least bit guilty! I certainly didn't. My kids are not owed every possible thing they wish for. They are owed food and shelter, and a good education.

This OP. Just keep talking with the 4yo about the trade-offs you are making. Also +1 to the advice to talk about it as a phase.