Politely decline this request

[Anonymous]

I have a relatively new friend - my children (2 and 7) adore her and we’ve hung out a few times.

She keeps asking / offering to take my children (to the park, a museum etc). I’ve never met her teenage son, or her husband, and I’ve never been in the car when she’s driving. When she suggested taking the 7 yr old to a movie I wanted to see it too, so we all went. But what’s the best way to say “I’m not really comfortable” especially when she knows we leave the kids with babysitters / let sitters take them to local parks etc.

She seems very out-going and fun but I just don’t know enough about her and typically wouldn’t send my kids to play with a grownup (without peer aged children present).

Do I write back “actually, that sounds really fun! Let’s all go to the museum” or

“Thanks for the offer, but DH isn’t really comfortable with that” (he said I could blame him)

If I fess up that I’m not comfortable I think it will ruin the early friendship that has promise.

[Anonymous]

That sounds odd to me.

[Anonymous]

Could you invite them all over for a meal?

[Anonymous]

she is your friend, why is she asking to take your kids? Are you venting about the kids not getting one on one time or about being overwhelmed, so she is trying to help you?

[Anonymous]

It does sound weird, but only because I can't ever imagine voluntarily offering to take someone's 2 year old and 7 year old child anywhere unless the parents had some kind of emergency.

[Anonymous]

Why would an adult want to take another's kids, when tehy don't have any nor are they family? And why would they ask repeatedly? I agree with the invitation to dinner or with going with your kiddos if you want to hang out with her. I would especially never send the 2 year old alone - diapers and bathroom stuff and crying? No way.

[Anonymous]

Some people love kids. Hers is now a teen, and maybe she misses the younger ages. Or maybe she wanted multiple kids but could only have one. Or maybe she thinks you would like a break. That said, just keep demurring and doing things as a group. If you need to, blame your husband.

[Anonymous]

Does she feel like she's helping you out? We have offered to watch our friends' kids before when they're young just because we remember how exhausting that phase was. Though we'd only do it for friends who know both of us and whose kids are comfortable with us.

In terms of what to say, I'd just say thanks but you prefer all hanging out together so you can see your friend too.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's hoping you will reciprocate and take her kids when she needs a break? She's trying to "pay the debt" in advance.

[Anonymous]

That is weird. If she had a valid explanation, why didn’t she share it?

I would just say I enjoy spending time with my kids and we should go as a group.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, no way. Keeps asking? Watch this friendship OP.

[Anonymous]

Op I agree with everyone else that your gut reaction is right and you should just tell her you’re not comfortable and would like to do things together. I’m usually not a fear monger at all, but I recently listened to a podcast with some “expert” on child sexual abuse and the number one thing she said to look for as a flag was adults making repeated attempts to have alone time with your child - aka what everyone is saying most adults don’t just want to chill with kids by themselves on the weekends regularly. It’s just a little off to do it repeatedly. Could totally be just a nice gesture but I would keep your radar up. The podcast I listened to was on Atomic moms I linked it below in case it’s helpful. Seriously might just be a really nice friend trying to help out! And if so then perfect to do things together and keep the friendship that way.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/atomic-moms/id937425056?i=1000431716531

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I agree with everyone else that your gut reaction is right and you should just tell her you’re not comfortable and would like to do things together. I’m usually not a fear monger at all, but I recently listened to a podcast with some “expert” on child sexual abuse and the number one thing she said to look for as a flag was adults making repeated attempts to have alone time with your child - aka what everyone is saying most adults don’t just want to chill with kids by themselves on the weekends regularly. It’s just a little off to do it repeatedly. Could totally be just a nice gesture but I would keep your radar up. The podcast I listened to was on Atomic moms I linked it below in case it’s helpful. Seriously might just be a really nice friend trying to help out! And if so then perfect to do things together and keep the friendship that way.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/atomic-moms/id937425056?i=1000431716531

She gives some examples in the podcast of how to politely decline when adults do rhis

[Anonymous]

Pp from above and just want to say that I do have a couple childless friends that do offer to watch my son every once in awhile to give my husband and I a date night or something but not repeatedly and they are very dear friends

[Anonymous]

Do you keep giving the impression that you're exhausted or swamped or can't give each kid enough individual attention, or the toddler would ruin an experience for the 7 yr old? All those things may be prompting this.

You can just say "You're so sweet to keep offering to take Cassidy places. Call us paranoid, but it takes Dave and me a really long time to trust people with our kids. Totally not you personally. But we'd all love if you'd join us for our playground picnic next Sunday."