Child 2 encouraging other children to break rules and then tattling

[Anonymous]

Child 2 can often be overheard encouraging children 1 and 3 to break the rules. When. Child 1 or 3 follows along and breaks the rules, child 2 immediately runs to tattle. FWIW child 2 is often the one that pushes the boundaries the most in terms of breaking the house rules (ie don’t open the windows, don’t climb on the counters) while children 1 and 3 are usually compliant on these fronts. Children 1 and 3 have other places where they rebel such as fighting bath or bedtime.
Children are 6, 5, 3.

[Anonymous]

The question is have you experienced this and/or how would you handle?

[Anonymous]

So, punish the child who’s instigating. How is this hard?

If the dynamic changes, punish everyone.

[Anonymous]

Evil. That’s a sign of a real personality disorder.

Are you not paying enough attention to your middle child?

[Anonymous]

Each time this happens, talk this through with the child and give meaningful consequences

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to child 2 about instigating and why it is wrong and children 1 and 3 about how not to fall for #2s instigating. Explain that if it happens again, there will be a consequence for the instigator and the one(s) who followed along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each time this happens, talk this through with the child and give meaningful consequences

I also recommend taking a close look at the family dynamics to get some perspective on where the child is getting the inspiration for this behavior.

My brothers and sisters did a version of this behavior - misbehaved, then consistently misdirected adults by blamed a sibling for the misbehavior - and they were inspired by larger family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

My child does this. I think she gets tired of being the one who gets in trouble and she is a boundary pusher. Her sister is generally very well behaved and easy going. It probably feels like life is unfair. Maybe some dynamic like this is at play.

[Anonymous]

Child 2 (5) knows they get in trouble for certain behavior. I’d bet anything that instigating happens right after child 2 gets in trouble or when child 2 thinks of something and chooses not to do it.

Also, remember that young kids are still learning cause/effect. This child is experimenting, trying to see if the other two will also get in trouble for that behavior.

To nip tattling in the bud:
Tattletale
Little miss tattletale
Tattlin’ Madeleine
Tattletale Tilly
Armadillo Tattletale
Rainbow fish tattle tale
Don't squeal unless it’s a big deal
Don’t call me a tattletale
No more tattling
Bad case of tattle tongue
Book about tattling
Children’s book about tattling
Let’s talk about tattling
Telling isn’t tattling (possibly a year or two older)

I’ve never had an issue with this, right? I wish...