PSA To Parents Who Launch Complaints Against Teachers

[Anonymous]

I've been employed in various capacities in a VA public school system for decades. I won't share the name of the system because it's probably irrelevant. The situation is likely the same in any school district in THAT area code with THAT group of parents who believe they run the school, despite not being on the school board. Yes, THAT is largely the group I'm addressing.


1. Please know that school leaders are aware of 'campaigns' against teachers.

No, we don't think that Ms. Applemeyer is such a horrible teacher that "all" the parents are gunning for her. School leaders are very clear that a group of moms got together and talked and decided that they don't like Ms. Applemeyer for their children and decided together that they would lodge complaints to make it seem like she's horrible. We don't think it's a coincidence or an indication of just how horrible Ms. Applemeyer really is. We know that groupthink and bullying behavior are at play. We know that some parents think their children are perfect and would never lie. We also know that some parents don't question the limited, childish perspective of their child who is not doing well in a class.

We see this same witch hunt every single year. You're not clever. This is nothing new. In fact, it's expected. School leaders expect it, teachers expect it and sane, responsible parents know it's coming too. In fact, some of them reach out to express their support for Ms. Applemeyer and to offer a head's up after being invited to join the mob.

2. If you launch a complaint with a school employee (ex: school counselor or social worker, assistant principal, principal) BEFORE OR INSTEAD OF reaching out to the teacher in question, you immediately "out" yourself as a member of a lynch mob.

It's clear you're not truly seeking resolution or clarity. You simply want to complain. Worse, you waste everyone's time. The vast majority of concerns addressed directly to the teacher are quickly resolved at that level with the parents walking away with a much clearer understanding of matters. Model the type of conflict resolution you want your children to have and address the person directly. Then put the matter to bed quickly so your child can have a tension-free school year.

3a. "My child is failing Mr. GrapePants class but passing everyone else's", is not proof that Mr. GrapePants is a bad teacher.

Some students are just weaker in science or math or hate reading and writing but excel in every other academic area. That's been the case as long as school has been in existence.

3b. "My child got all A's in ____ until Mr. GrapePants class" is also not proof that Mr. GrapePants is a bad teacher.

Mr. GrapePants may just be the first teacher to challenge your child academically OR address his behavior issues. The work may have gotten harder that year. At some point students must move beyond multiplication and division to more complex math. And Mr. GrapePants could be that year the transition happens.

2. We know who the bad teachers are. And we deal with them.

Community-formed witch hunts do not determine who the bad teachers are. Our observations of that teacher's classroom do-as well as other factors. There are teachers who've never received a parent complaint but we've identified issues with their teaching and work with them. On the other hand, there are targets of witch hunts that we know to be very strong teachers. No, we do not start harassing them because of your delusions of power and influence.

[Anonymous]

Interesting post. If it hadn't happened to me, I would not have believed that parents get together to do this.

Years ago, DD was in a team taught second grade class. She was in the gened class and there was a group of LD kids who were in the LD class. The teachers were both wonderful and taught together. (DD is very bright with no disabilities.) She loved both teachers.

However, the parent of one of the kids really did not like her DS being in this class. She called me one day to try to get me to complain with her. I was stunned. I was a teacher before I became a SAHM and could not believe someone would really do this.
I told this other parent in no uncertain terms that DD loved the class and that I was perfectly happy with the situation.

To me, this class was the best example I have ever seen of mainstreaming. Both teachers were capable and kind.

Neither of my kids have special needs, but I certainly want them to get along with all kinds of people. DD did not suffer from being in that class at all. She made progress as she should have. She was not limited in any way.

But, yes, there are parents who think they should run the school.

[Anonymous]

Part 2:

5. Yes, some parents have legitimate complaints.

And we do address them. But you don't need an entire team to have a legitimate complaint addressed.

6. Many of your complaints are withheld from teachers.
For one, we know you're acting as part of a wannabe mob and some of the complaints minor or over the top. We also know our teachers are great people and hard workers and that just happen to be the target of the wannabe mob this year for whatever reason. So we don't even bother them with the nonsense. We allow them to continue to be great. (This is assuming that is the case. This does not apply to the teacher who is legitimately at fault.)

So if you think you're ruining a teacher's day by keeping him/her inundating with complaints and visits from school leaders, you're wrong. Sometimes there will be an "Oh, by the way..." in passing but no daily sit downs.

And when you say, "Please don't tell Mrs. CinnamonToes because I'm afraid of how she'll respond to my child", that gives us the out we need. No, it doesn't make us suddenly believe that the colleague we've worked with for years is a monster your child must be protected from. We wouldn't have such a person around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting post. If it hadn't happened to me, I would not have believed that parents get together to do this.

Years ago, DD was in a team taught second grade class. She was in the gened class and there was a group of LD kids who were in the LD class. The teachers were both wonderful and taught together. (DD is very bright with no disabilities.) She loved both teachers.

However, the parent of one of the kids really did not like her DS being in this class. She called me one day to try to get me to complain with her. I was stunned. I was a teacher before I became a SAHM and could not believe someone would really do this.
I told this other parent in no uncertain terms that DD loved the class and that I was perfectly happy with the situation.

To me, this class was the best example I have ever seen of mainstreaming. Both teachers were capable and kind.

Neither of my kids have special needs, but I certainly want them to get along with all kinds of people. DD did not suffer from being in that class at all. She made progress as she should have. She was not limited in any way.

But, yes, there are parents who think they should run the school.

Thank you for this thoughtful response. I've been seeing this behavior for DECADES. Before emails parents would conspire to write letters--directly to the principal--to complain. They would type the letter, put it in an envelope, with a stamp and it would arrive in the mail. All around the same time. All about the same teacher. And we were to believe that this teacher had suddenly become so horrible that five parents coincidentally decided to complain at the same time? She'd been fine for the first 5 years at the school. Now in January of Year 6 she's this bad?????

Sadly there are some parents who actually make making a teacher's job miserable a personal goal. I recently (as in within the last 3 years) had a parent share that the leader of one witch hunt told her that while she couldn't get this teacher fired, she would at least "make her job miserable" and "ruin every single day for her" by coordinating an attack of daily complaints. This was no longer about her child but something going on inside of her. Then there are the parents who think they should have a say in every single aspect of the child's teaching. Their degree is in an entirely different field but somehow they know how the calculus teacher should teach?

[Anonymous]

Our observations of that teacher's classroom

No one observes the classroom. I wish Principals would. I think it should be their responsibility. They don't.

[Anonymous]

I've observed that more and more student plans and meetings are around anxiety and other social emotional issues.

I believe a lot of this type of overbearing "parenting" and attempted bullying of teachers (and the mentality that leads to it) adversely affects and serves as the wrong role model for children.

I don't think it's any coincidence that bullying is on the rise and more destructive for kids than in past decades. THEY'RE LEARNING ALL TYPES OF UNKIND, ANTISOCIABLE BEHAVIOR FROM THE ADULTS who should be showing them how to address concerns responsibly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Our observations of that teacher's classroom

No one observes the classroom. I wish Principals would. I think it should be their responsibility. They don't.

Actually it is and they do. Teachers are evaluated and formal evaluations go on record every single year.

[Anonymous]

Where is this coming from? Are you a teacher trying to scare people off? I have rarely heard of parents doing this and when they did there was justification. This is actually where SOLs can be helpful. When a group of AAP kids suddenly are not passing or barely passing an SOL when they haven't gotten homework ll year and the parents have been telling you the teacher has poor mastery of the material all year suddenly it becomes clear why they were so pissed.

[Anonymous]

I hate how schools think of parents as adversaries to be managed and scolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Our observations of that teacher's classroom

No one observes the classroom. I wish Principals would. I think it should be their responsibility. They don't.

Actually it is and they do. Teachers are evaluated and formal evaluations go on record every single year.

Yes, but they are putting their best foot forward on those scheduled days. The pop ins are much more rare and they don’t last long.

[Anonymous]

We know who the bad teachers are. And we deal with them.

Yeah right. That’s why they stay employed at the same jobs for years.

How about this:

We will complain how we like, about whoever we want to complain about, as often as we want to complain, and you can get bent.

You work for us, the taxpayers, so can it with the scoldy haughty tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Our observations of that teacher's classroom

No one observes the classroom. I wish Principals would. I think it should be their responsibility. They don't.

Actually it is and they do. Teachers are evaluated and formal evaluations go on record every single year.

Yes, but they are putting their best foot forward on those scheduled days. The pop ins are much more rare and they don’t last long.

Most people pop in for that very reason. We don't want the dog and pony show. It's also hard to schedule in those observations because calendars are already packed so it's best to hit them on the fly or just schedule it without trying to coordinate with teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We know who the bad teachers are. And we deal with them.

Yeah right. That’s why they stay employed at the same jobs for years.

How about this:

We will complain how we like, about whoever we want to complain about, as often as we want to complain, and you can get bent.

You work for us, the taxpayers, so can it with the scoldy haughty tone.

You can continue to complain.

And we will continue to look you in the eye, nod, ensure you've been heard....Then go on about our business.

Keep spending precious hours of your life trying to coordinate attacks and worrying about petty matters. Keep showing your crazy as your kid watches how you handle conflict. And we'll continue to enjoy our work. While you wallow in misery.

Don't pay your taxes for a whole year. And watch. The schools will remain open.

You're not as important as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate how schools think of parents as adversaries to be managed and scolded.

And most people hate how some think teachers are adversaries to be managed and scolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We know who the bad teachers are. And we deal with them.

Yeah right. That’s why they stay employed at the same jobs for years.

How about this:

We will complain how we like, about whoever we want to complain about, as often as we want to complain, and you can get bent.

You work for us, the taxpayers, so can it with the scoldy haughty tone.

Oh yeah, they stay employed because everyone realizes you're not qualified to determine what makes a good teacher. You're barely qualified to exhibit good character and socio-emotional traits or to problem-solve a minor misunderstanding without trying to rope in other parents like a bunch of high schoolers.

There are qualified educators on the ground who determine who's good and who isn't. And your meltdowns don't factor in. Sorry not sorry.