Birthday gifts

[Anonymous]

I know there have been threads about this before, but this is the first year DD is at a full time preschool and there have been a number of full class parties. The first few invites included nothing about gifts so we brought gifts. Now there are a couple that say "no gifts necessary" or "no need to bring anything but yourselves." These statements are more ambiguous to me than "no gifts please". I know if we don't bring a gift and half the class does, DD will be her inquisitive 4yo self and ask "why didn't we bring a gift?" in front of everyone.

And now we are planning her party and I don't know what I should do! Gifts AREN'T necessary in my view, because she has a ton of stuff already and will be receiving even more from her grandparents and aunts/uncles. She does not need gifts from each of her 20 classmates. Seeing as we will be immediately following the parties described above, do I follow their lead and include the "no gifts necessary" language? Or will I just be frustrating the other parents who wonder what I mean by that?!

[Anonymous]

I am from the South and went to legit etiquette school during the summers. It was always taught to us as very rude to dictate what your guests do. So telling them or asking them what to do regarding gifts was a huge no no. So I always follow that because it feels off to me not to. However, I don't mind when others put it on the invite, I just choose not to.

[Anonymous]

I hate no gift parties. When my oldest started preschool, we got invited to a no gift party. We were probably the only kid in the entire class to not bring a gift. After that, no matter what, I bring a gift. if they say no gifts, i bring a book and/or a gift card. I especially hate the charity gift requests. i once saw a no gift party but college fund contributions appreciated.

I recently wanted to no gifts or hand me down gifts appreciated but didn't. I just wrote nothing.

[Anonymous]

"No gifts necessary" or "Your presence is gift enough" means that the hosts do not want gifts but recognize that some people are going to bring gifts anyway. You can explain to your daughter beforehand why you aren't bringing a gift; you can bring a 'just in case everyone else does and I don't want to feel foolish' gift and keep it in your car to bring out if needed; you can bring or have your daughter make a card and tell your daughter that's the gift, and you can have a gift card in your purse to pull out if needed.

As for you, if you follow the etiquette rules and say nothing, most people will bring a gift. If you say no gifts, most people will not, but some will anyway (because they didn't read, forgot about it, or think it's stupid for parents to say no gifts). Some people who followed your instructions will feel stupid when they see the gifts, but most won't. If you get gifts in this scenario, tuck them away (for the love, don't open them at the party!) then send your thank yous just as if you hadn't said no gifts.

This is the most important thing of all -- NONE OF THIS MATTERS! It will all be forgotten in due time, along with the gifts that were brought and the ones that weren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from the South and went to legit etiquette school during the summers. It was always taught to us as very rude to dictate what your guests do. So telling them or asking them what to do regarding gifts was a huge no no. So I always follow that because it feels off to me not to. However, I don't mind when others put it on the invite, I just choose not to.

Also from the south and I agree with you. However, there is also a line of thinking (that seems to be common around here) that birthday parties have become gift grabs. I’ve been to a couple now where we were requested to bring something for charity instead. It’s hard to not feel guilty having a more traditional birthday party after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate no gift parties. When my oldest started preschool, we got invited to a no gift party. We were probably the only kid in the entire class to not bring a gift. After that, no matter what, I bring a gift. if they say no gifts, i bring a book and/or a gift card. I especially hate the charity gift requests. i once saw a no gift party but college fund contributions appreciated.

I recently wanted to no gifts or hand me down gifts appreciated but didn't. I just wrote nothing.

Hand me down gifts??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate no gift parties. When my oldest started preschool, we got invited to a no gift party. We were probably the only kid in the entire class to not bring a gift. After that, no matter what, I bring a gift. if they say no gifts, i bring a book and/or a gift card. I especially hate the charity gift requests. i once saw a no gift party but college fund contributions appreciated.

I recently wanted to no gifts or hand me down gifts appreciated but didn't. I just wrote nothing.

Hand me down gifts??

Our child is our third child. All our friends have kids who are slightly older. I was suggesting giving something they are done with.

Yes, it sounds weird so I didn't put it on the invitation or tell anyone. Many of our friends give us miscellaneous hand me downs. We have a third while most of our friends have 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate no gift parties. When my oldest started preschool, we got invited to a no gift party. We were probably the only kid in the entire class to not bring a gift. After that, no matter what, I bring a gift. if they say no gifts, i bring a book and/or a gift card. I especially hate the charity gift requests. i once saw a no gift party but college fund contributions appreciated.

I recently wanted to no gifts or hand me down gifts appreciated but didn't. I just wrote nothing.

This is the irony of the problem- we all want no gift parties, but we hate attending them!

[Anonymous]

For a "No gifts necessary" party, you can bet there will be parents sending in gifts. If I were you OP, I would bring a gift just to avoid embarassment.

For the "No gifts please" party it clearly says No gifts, so go with no gift. Even if someone else brings something it will not be embarassing for you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly we just had a no gift party and people still brought something. We wish they hadn't since DC doesn't need anything and now we have to write thank yous.

Personally, I love the no gift party. Just bring yourself and I don't have to worry about getting Larla something she already has or doesn't want. Save $20 and just have fun with friends.

[Anonymous]

Don’t put anything. If you get gifts you don’t want or need them donate them. If you go to a no gift party take an age appropriate book or a theme book you know the kid likes, and a card.

[Anonymous]

Enough with the gift non-sense. Say nothing and let families do what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate no gift parties. When my oldest started preschool, we got invited to a no gift party. We were probably the only kid in the entire class to not bring a gift. After that, no matter what, I bring a gift. if they say no gifts, i bring a book and/or a gift card. I especially hate the charity gift requests. i once saw a no gift party but college fund contributions appreciated.

I recently wanted to no gifts or hand me down gifts appreciated but didn't. I just wrote nothing.

Hand me down gifts??

Our child is our third child. All our friends have kids who are slightly older. I was suggesting giving something they are done with.

Yes, it sounds weird so I didn't put it on the invitation or tell anyone. Many of our friends give us miscellaneous hand me downs. We have a third while most of our friends have 2.

For a 3rd child, more reason to get gifts as most things will probably be handy down and every kid deserves a few new things. Its not about you, its about your kid. Imagine when they are 30 and realize as the 3rd kid they got nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"No gifts necessary" or "Your presence is gift enough" means that the hosts do not want gifts but recognize that some people are going to bring gifts anyway. You can explain to your daughter beforehand why you aren't bringing a gift; you can bring a 'just in case everyone else does and I don't want to feel foolish' gift and keep it in your car to bring out if needed; you can bring or have your daughter make a card and tell your daughter that's the gift, and you can have a gift card in your purse to pull out if needed.

As for you, if you follow the etiquette rules and say nothing, most people will bring a gift. If you say no gifts, most people will not, but some will anyway (because they didn't read, forgot about it, or think it's stupid for parents to say no gifts). Some people who followed your instructions will feel stupid when they see the gifts, but most won't. If you get gifts in this scenario, tuck them away (for the love, don't open them at the party!) then send your thank yous just as if you hadn't said no gifts.

This is the most important thing of all -- NONE OF THIS MATTERS! It will all be forgotten in due time, along with the gifts that were brought and the ones that weren't.

Good summary. For the gifts-aren’t-necessary parties, I usually have DC make a card and bring something small, like stickers, bubbles, etc. So I think you end up with fewer gifts, and sometimes smaller ones, by saying that. And for weeks that are busy and I just havent had time to get something, it’s my get out of jail free card to not bake a Target driveby on the way to the party.

[Anonymous]

I put "no gifts, please", on every b-day invite and the majority oblige!