Transitioning from Nanny to Daycare (multiple kid question)

[Anonymous]

We’ve had a caregiver for the past 4 years. We have two kids in elementary school and one that will start in 2021. The preschooler goes to a church school 2 days a week but we want him go more since this will be his last year before kindergarten. The caregiver helps in the mornings and takes the older two the bus but has no afternoon responsibilities with all three. But she does help if we have to work late, travel for work, watches the kids during the summer and on snow days or half days.

In theory, we could put DS in full time daycare and pay $1,700 less per month (once our kids starting going to school, we didn’t want to bump her salary down), so we are paying her as she was taking care of two. The problem is, we won’t have the flexibility we have now if we “need something” but if DS starts going to school 4 x per week. She basically is only working about 20-25 hours per week.

My husband thinks putting DS in full time daycare is the best option. I crunched the numbers and when you factor in summer camp, we are talking about a $1k difference a month.

We are stretched financially but we aren’t really going without much. The extra money would be great for savings, a vacation (we never do that kind of stuff) or just knowing we have a little extra if we want something special.

The problem is, it won’t change his day to day at all but it will change mine. I will have to get all three out of the house by 7am and I still will end up getting into work a little late. This leaves us with little back up and I work in DC and the kids school isn’t close to home. It just adds another layer of complexity. DH is also not accessible during the day so again, it’s all going to fall on me. From my perspective, we’ve done it this long, so another year and a half won’t kill us until at three are in elementary. I already spend a lot of my extra time cooking, cleaning and taking care of things for the kids and make more than he does.

So what do you think?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t do it. Have your youngest go 3 mornings a week for the next year ( sept 20-may 21) . Plenty of kids do this for the year before K and do just fine. The stress of not having coverage for sick days snow days random days off would make me keep the Nanny unless you have family around to step in in these situations.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband needs to help more. But if you did this plan I think you need to see if you can find a morning helper to take over and consider a housekeeper as well. It is brutal having kids with both spouses working - financially and emotionally. Worth it for many reasons but extremely hard.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP, but 3 school mornings is plenty for the little one.

[Anonymous]

I am the first PP, I thought if something else. Most daycares make the kids nap, it’s the reason we pulled our almost 4 year old and switched our schedules around. She wasn’t falling asleep until almost 10 at night. If you do switch to daycare and this is a factor you need to ask before choosing one.

[Anonymous]

I see his point because aside from the coverage you don’t seem to be getting a lot of value for your money. That said, it seems like you really do need the coverage.

I would switch to a different caregiver that takes on more of a family manager role. If you are paying for full-time care, I would want someone who unloads the dishwasher and packs lunches and does all the kids’ laundry and picks up drycleaning and goes grocery shopping...etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see his point because aside from the coverage you don’t seem to be getting a lot of value for your money. That said, it seems like you really do need the coverage.

I would switch to a different caregiver that takes on more of a family manager role. If you are paying for full-time care, I would want someone who unloads the dishwasher and packs lunches and does all the kids’ laundry and picks up drycleaning and goes grocery shopping...etc.

Sweet heaven.

She has THREE CHILDREN. There is ALWAYS
one child sick or getting over being sick who has to stay home
a teacher professional dev. day
snow day
holiday from school - yom kippur, veteran's day, memorial day, columbus day, MLK day, presidents day, a week off in spring (TWO if you lived in DC), about 8 or 9 days for winter break, then all summer
getting 3 kids out the door by 7am BY HERSELF.
summer - 3 kids in camp is a LOT of money.

Keep your nanny. Pay her what you need to, and have the preschooler go 3 mornings/week. Many children do it, and the benefit to your entire family will be huge. Or at least to YOU, personally, and since YOU do all the extra kid/household stuff then it matters to YOU. You get 5 votes, your husband gets 1 vote.

[Anonymous]

I would stick with the nanny too and if your husband wants to go to daycare to save money, then he needs to step up more. it's not cool to want you to take on more without giving some as well. There is also just the transition of it all, say you transition child in the fall that's a lot of transition for 9 months of care. Also getting 3 kids out of the house by 7am on your own is seriously not for the faint of heart I can imagine. I know this is petty, but maybe he should try doing that for two straight weeks and see if it still sounds like a good plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see his point because aside from the coverage you don’t seem to be getting a lot of value for your money. That said, it seems like you really do need the coverage.

I would switch to a different caregiver that takes on more of a family manager role. If you are paying for full-time care, I would want someone who unloads the dishwasher and packs lunches and does all the kids’ laundry and picks up drycleaning and goes grocery shopping...etc.

Sweet heaven.

She has THREE CHILDREN. There is ALWAYS
one child sick or getting over being sick who has to stay home
a teacher professional dev. day
snow day
holiday from school - yom kippur, veteran's day, memorial day, columbus day, MLK day, presidents day, a week off in spring (TWO if you lived in DC), about 8 or 9 days for winter break, then all summer
getting 3 kids out the door by 7am BY HERSELF.
summer - 3 kids in camp is a LOT of money.

Keep your nanny. Pay her what you need to, and have the preschooler go 3 mornings/week. Many children do it, and the benefit to your entire family will be huge. Or at least to YOU, personally, and since YOU do all the extra kid/household stuff then it matters to YOU. You get 5 votes, your husband gets 1 vote.

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

It’s so hard without a nanny. We transitioned our youngest in September when she was 1.5 and I’m home again with a sick toddler. Since September, DH and I used up all our PTO and vacation time. I’ve been out with one or both kids for five workdays since January 1st. Five days and it’s only the 21st! Kindergartener has to be in extended care after school and it’s a 1.5 hour drop off and a race to get to both before closing. On top of the absences and illnesses, all the work that nanny used to do is back on us - the kids laundry, kids sheets and towels, cleaning their rooms and picking up family room. Plus making lunches and cleaning lunch containers.

It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

The only way losing the nanny works is if at least one of you has flexibility with your work schedule. It doesn't sound like that's the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see his point because aside from the coverage you don’t seem to be getting a lot of value for your money. That said, it seems like you really do need the coverage.

I would switch to a different caregiver that takes on more of a family manager role. If you are paying for full-time care, I would want someone who unloads the dishwasher and packs lunches and does all the kids’ laundry and picks up drycleaning and goes grocery shopping...etc.

I totally agree with this. I think it's great to have the coverage your current nanny provides, but when the kids are in school in the afternoons, she could be doing more to help out, including the straightening up, food prep etc. If she isn't the type to add on those responsibilities in exchange for the continued position, maybe transition to someone else who knows from the beginning of the job that you will be asking for non-childcare related tasks to make the paid hours work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard without a nanny. We transitioned our youngest in September when she was 1.5 and I’m home again with a sick toddler. Since September, DH and I used up all our PTO and vacation time. I’ve been out with one or both kids for five workdays since January 1st. Five days and it’s only the 21st! Kindergartener has to be in extended care after school and it’s a 1.5 hour drop off and a race to get to both before closing. On top of the absences and illnesses, all the work that nanny used to do is back on us - the kids laundry, kids sheets and towels, cleaning their rooms and picking up family room. Plus making lunches and cleaning lunch containers.

It’s hard.

This was us too. Plus youngest DD cried for her nanny everyday (even through nanny visited every week). It was so hard for me too. I’m still exhausted most of the time. Handling a career and children, I read once, is like working 2.5 jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it. Have your youngest go 3 mornings a week for the next year ( sept 20-may 21) . Plenty of kids do this for the year before K and do just fine. The stress of not having coverage for sick days snow days random days off would make me keep the Nanny unless you have family around to step in in these situations.

Bump it up to 5 mornings next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t do it. Have your youngest go 3 mornings a week for the next year ( sept 20-may 21) . Plenty of kids do this for the year before K and do just fine. The stress of not having coverage for sick days snow days random days off would make me keep the Nanny unless you have family around to step in in these situations.

Bump it up to 5 mornings next year.

Agree with this. Our son does five mornings a week with a nanny in the afternoons and it's fantastic. We have a younger one as well so our nanny is fully necessary right now, but even when our youngest is in five morning, half-day preschool we plan on keeping our nanny full-time. Until we have the youngest in full-day kindergarten at the same school as the oldest, we need the coverage. And I'm sure that we will miss having the flexibility and backup of a nanny once that day comes!