S/o What grade would you give your spouse/co-parent...

[Anonymous]

What’s the worst thing he/she has ever done?
Sex of person
How often does he/she see the kid(s)?

[Anonymous]

DH gets better scores than me! Worse thing he ever did was allow DD 13 to see a really violent movie without checking with me. He spends time every day with DD, unless it’s summer when she might be with her dad more than 24 hours.

XH’s scores are abysmal, but such is the nature of co-parenting when courts use a formula to determine CS. To keep his CS low, he had to agree to have our kid more than he can handle.

[Anonymous]

I got pretty lucky - I’d give my spouse an A for sure. I’m having a hard time thinking of the worst thing he’s ever done in regards to parenting. Our child is only 2 so I’m sure he still has time for a bigger mess up he sees our son in the morning, we switch off getting up at 6a with early waking son, then second parent gets up and we have breakfast as a family about 7. Then getting ready and off to work, he does most morning drop off. I do pick up every night, he works longer hours but sees our son most nights - sometimes works late one night. He also preps dinners many nights after son goes to bed so that they are easy for me the next day since I usually get them ready before he gets home. He also does all laundry. Weekends are mostly family time together with each of us getting a little individual time.

[Anonymous]

I'd give my exH a C. He shows up when he's supposed to, the kids enjoy spending time with him, he sometimes comes up with fun stuff for them to do on his weekends. I have absolutely no qualms about their safety and he is (usually) helpful around scheduling changes if I have work conflicts. No arguments about paying for extracurriculars, and if I ask him to do something (e.g. take them to a doctor appt or buy something specific they need for school) he will do it 90% of the time.

I can't tell you a "worst thing" because he's never done anything terrible. He gets an average grade because of a litany of little things that add up to a general lack of prioritization of the kids.

For example:
--he's late for everything (including getting them to school);
--he just doesn't bother to do things that he doesn't want to (like checking homework is done, or helping with their projects, clipping fingernails);
--he has the organizational skills and vacation time to go on vacation with his wife but has yet (in 4 years) to take the kids on vacation and puts them in camps for what is supposed to be his time off with them (because he used all his vacation days);
--he asks me to cover extra time frequently to accommodate things he wants to do (happy hours, adding days to work trips, etc)--if he has to pick up time for me to do a work trip, he will make sure he doesn't end up with extra time;
--he has money to pay for cleaners and yard work and his interests but puts almost nothing into the kids' 529s;

[Anonymous]

Dh gets an A! He's been amazing with our girls. Very level headed and dedicated when the oldest had major health complications and we were at children's for a bit. He's taken a month Paternity leave (just his vacation) after I went back to work with both. He has his silly moments when he forgets something or does something odd but never put anyone in danger and has mine and the girls best interest at heart always. He's goofy with them and goes along with all the silly games and tea parties.
It annoys me sometimes when I ask him to do something and if I'm home half the time he asks me to do a supporting task which is frustrating since I want him to own the whole task. But I go with it. When I'm not home he manages just fine.
He does his share around the house (he's in charge of laundry and garbage and dinner cleanup).

[Anonymous]

A-. He's quicker to lose his temper than I am, but I also tend to be a push over. So that kind of evens the playing field a little bit.

He's in charge of mornings and he gets home between 530 and 630 so is around in the evening as well.

we split tasks pretty evenly and if I'm sick or on a long stretch of work shifts, he picks up extra duties without me asking.

[Anonymous]

As a parent - A
As a partner to me - C-

DH is a great father to our DD. He makes sure he is home to spend at least a little bit of time with her every evening and is the more physically active parent in regards to getting outside to play, riding bikes, that sort of thing. DD adores him.
He's not such a great partner to me. We both WOH, and I do 90% of chores around the house, cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, budgeting, scheduling and taking DD to appointments, classes, etc. I also handle nearly all daycare pickup/dropoff. He does mow the yard, so there's that. I feel like I have 2 full-time jobs. I don't feel like I have a true partner in life, and it is the complete opposite of how he was when we got married. As soon as DD was born, he completely checked out on anything regarding home management. No idea why.

[Anonymous]

He gets an A+. He’s a full partner to me in all aspects of parenting as well as managing the household. I don’t have to do any of the emotional labor I hear other women describing, he does 50% without my direction and does it well. It’s been this way from day 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets an A+. He’s a full partner to me in all aspects of parenting as well as managing the household. I don’t have to do any of the emotional labor I hear other women describing, he does 50% without my direction and does it well. It’s been this way from day 1.

Same here but mine gets an A- because he often dresses like a slob. Love the guy anyway...

[Anonymous]

I'd give my ex a C. He turns up when he says he's going to, and does fun things with the kids. At the same time, they are starting to understand that he'll never be "on call."

That is, he is available to them during the specific hours he has set aside for them, but if they want or need him outside that time, he can't keep the annoyance out of his voice or actions.

[Anonymous]

What’s the worst thing he/she has ever done? - pre-kids and pre-therapy his way of being passive aggressive when he'd get angry at me, he'd stay very late at work.

Sex of person - male

How often does he/she see the kid(s)? - whenever he's not working. actually, sometimes even when he is now that they are old enough to sit with him and read or color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets an A+. He’s a full partner to me in all aspects of parenting as well as managing the household. I don’t have to do any of the emotional labor I hear other women describing, he does 50% without my direction and does it well. It’s been this way from day 1.

I would also give my DH an A+. He works a lot and I SAH, so our split is definitely not 50/50 in terms of childcare or household management. But, I feel like it’s 50/50 in terms of the overall success of our family system. It work for us. I think that each successful couple comes up with a split that works for their circumstances, but the key is feeling like each partner is putting a similar level or effort.

[Anonymous]

F
He fails because he is verbally and emotionally abusive to me in front of the kids. Just today, he got mad at me when our 2 yo said she was scared of Daddy's yelling. He claims she can't possibly be scared of an adult yelling at her mother, she only said that because I told her to. To retaliate, he told our 4 yo that I'm always on drugs and told her I'm a "psycho". He says that because, after years of his abuse, I finally went to psychiatrist who put me on something for anxiety.

Sadly he sees the kids every day.

[Anonymous]

I’d give my husband an A. The only bad thing he has done was drinking then driving. No accident or anything but it could easily have happened and he doesn’t do it anymore. He’s great with our children and is pretty helpful around the house without having to be asked. He’a very successful and works hard but we are his #1 priority. He jokes that his main job is to make me happy and he does a very good job at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:F
He fails because he is verbally and emotionally abusive to me in front of the kids. Just today, he got mad at me when our 2 yo said she was scared of Daddy's yelling. He claims she can't possibly be scared of an adult yelling at her mother, she only said that because I told her to. To retaliate, he told our 4 yo that I'm always on drugs and told her I'm a "psycho". He says that because, after years of his abuse, I finally went to psychiatrist who put me on something for anxiety.

Sadly he sees the kids every day.

Omg. What kind of support will help you make a plan to leave ASAP?