Share your wisdom: Raising kids

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen threads like this before and found them incredibly valuable. I’d like to have unfiltered thoughts from those who have older kids (or really, kids who have grown to adulthood) and get the advice from all of you what you would have done differently, what you think is most important, and your advice to people in my stage of life (all my kids are under 10). Thank you in advance!! I cannot wait to read what you write

[Anonymous]

If you can teach your children to be resilient and self-sufficient then they will be heads and shoulders above many of their peers.

So many kids are being raised on a pedestal and every whim catered to. This will not allow them to learn about adversity, self-reliance nor tenacity to weather through what life throws at them.

Let them fall. Let them cry. Let them learn how to navigate in the world.

[Anonymous]

Small steps add up over time

[Anonymous]

Adding on to earlier post, build their resilience over time and each of your kids may get to it at different times and different ways.
As for my son I feel like during his HS years he really wanted to do things on his own and figure everything out and preferred listening to his friends. So I wish I had hammered in our core beliefs as a family much more than I did. Luckily, I’d say he does have a strong sense of right and wrong but there are a few lessons I needed to teach and not sure he’s receptive now.
Teach them to be authentic not a copy of what is popular.

[Anonymous]

There is a college for everyone. Ivies are not the only path to success. Make sure they understand financial aspects of college whether you are paying full price or getting loans. They need to understand the cost of things.

I agree with the above poster self -sufficient is huge.

Teach them how to use public transportation.

Part time job around age 16. They need to know practical things like how to read a pay check, file taxes, etc.. Yes, homework and sports might be too much for them to have a part time job, but not all kids do competitive sports.

Banking, know the difference between a debit card and a credit card.

Homecoming dances, prom etc if your kid is not interested or feels bad about not being asked. Go away as a family. Have fun. See some cheezy crazy touristy thing and laugh, laugh, with your kid.

By high school they should be getting themselves up and making their own lunches. They can also help with dinner. Let them make dinner sometimes. They could even do this in MS mine did and they love cooking as adults.

Laundry by MS.

Sex ed for sure!

In school let them advocate for themselves. If that doesn't work then get involved.

One of the most important things, lines of communication open. They need to know if they drink or smoke pot in HS you will pick them up in the middle of the night no questions asked. Obviously, there is a fine line here of whether this becomes a habit. But they need to know they can call you .

Do not compare them to their peers in school. Every child is different and has their own journey or path to take. I know this is hard.

[Anonymous]

Set a good example as loving parents. Exhibit good behaviors in many areas. The tone is set at the top!
Show them the benefit of studying hard and working hard.
Show them that family time is more important than your own time.
When they are young play with them and read to them. It’s ok to be silly.
Don’t spoil them. Learn to say no and explain why.
Listen to them and don’t give them all the answers. Help them find the right answers.
Don’t force your interests on them. Feed and invest in their interests.
If affordable travel with them and expose them to different cultures.

Repeat: Set a good example as loving parents.

[Anonymous]

- Unconditional love is paramount.

- You don't get any do-overs raising kids. Parents need to nail it the first time.

- If you've brought them into this world then you need to do your best to ensure they have what they need physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. That means that most of the time parents have to put the children's needs ahead of the parents' own desires.

- Parents need to provide structure and consistency tempered with copious amounts of joy, approval and acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can teach your children to be resilient and self-sufficient then they will be heads and shoulders above many of their peers.

So many kids are being raised on a pedestal and every whim catered to. This will not allow them to learn about adversity, self-reliance nor tenacity to weather through what life throws at them.

Let them fall. Let them cry. Let them learn how to navigate in the world.

This isn't specific enough.

[Anonymous]

Do not shelter them in private schools. It's a big world out there, but it's only a scary one if you make it feel that way.
Make sure they're exposed to a diverse group of people, both economically and racially.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your children; they deserve to be heard.

Let them have friends over often and get to know them.

Do not punish for grades if a child is truly trying.

Never hit.

Relax and enjoy them. The time flies by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not shelter them in private schools. It's a big world out there, but it's only a scary one if you make it feel that way.
Make sure they're exposed to a diverse group of people, both economically and racially.

Private school was a godsend to our shy, academically-gifted son. He would have been bullied at the public middle school. Just another point of view.

[Anonymous]

Don’t compare your child to siblings or peers in their presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small steps add up over time

Thank you for this. Very encouraging. I’ll keep it in mind when I get frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can teach your children to be resilient and self-sufficient then they will be heads and shoulders above many of their peers.

So many kids are being raised on a pedestal and every whim catered to. This will not allow them to learn about adversity, self-reliance nor tenacity to weather through what life throws at them.

Let them fall. Let them cry. Let them learn how to navigate in the world.

This isn't specific enough.

It is for me. Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Little things really count and make wonderful memories.