How to help sensitive kid who cries a lot?

[Anonymous]

What’s the best way to handle this? My four year old DD is very, very sensitive and will cry hysterically every time she trips or falls (even when she doesn’t get hurt), if someone looks at her with a mean look, etc. She literally will collapse on the ground in tears.

For the record I’ve never been one of those parents that drops everything and makes a huge fuss about tears but I tend to react calmly and with empathy. I have no idea if what I am doing is helping or hurting. I want to acknowledge her feelings but I also don’t want to indulge this too much.

[Anonymous]

Bump- does anyone have advice?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she may have anxiety. I wouldn’t focus on stopping the tears so much. First, she’s still only 4 and they cry a lot, second, some people are criers. Try to see if there is an underlying cause, like anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's a bit spoiled not necessarily sensitive.

You say you react "with empathy" so she knows she gets attention when she cries. Thus, she may be using any reason to do so since she will get your focus and attention.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to use her words.

[Anonymous]

“I know you’re upset, sweetheart. When you can use words, let’s talk about what happened.”

I empathize with the amount of emotion, without encouraging it to last. Once they’re calm, I tease out what happened and how they felt. A preschooler who bursts into tears that often does it because they don’t know what their emotions are in the moment or they’re so overwhelmed that they can’t handle it. The best option (ime) is to discuss, then role play how they would feel and how to handle it next time. It takes a ton of time and patience, but it eventually works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she's a bit spoiled not necessarily sensitive.

You say you react "with empathy" so she knows she gets attention when she cries. Thus, she may be using any reason to do so since she will get your focus and attention.

Disagree. To me, spoiled is material things. Relying on adults to soothe is immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Has she always been super sensitive, OP, or is this a new behavior? Has she had any losses or upheavals in the last year?

My DD became super sensitive at four after a year of change - losing her nanny and a great grandparent (died) and us having a new baby.

[Anonymous]

One thing that helps in my experience is to ask questions and help them understand why this is so upsetting. If she has a fall, I'd frame it as - Are you ok? Are you crying because you are hurt or because you got scared? And then maybe another gentle follow up question. The answering also makes them think and speak and provides a good distraction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she's a bit spoiled not necessarily sensitive.

You say you react "with empathy" so she knows she gets attention when she cries. Thus, she may be using any reason to do so since she will get your focus and attention.

Disagree. To me, spoiled is material things. Relying on adults to soothe is immaturity.

Spoiled, by definition:

(of a person, especially a child) harmed in character by being treated too leniently or indulgently.

I stand by my comment. Child is crying without valid reason but knows she will get parent's attention/empathy by doing so. In other words, she is being indulged. (There, I rephrased it without using "spoiled.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that helps in my experience is to ask questions and help them understand why this is so upsetting. If she has a fall, I'd frame it as - Are you ok? Are you crying because you are hurt or because you got scared? And then maybe another gentle follow up question. The answering also makes them think and speak and provides a good distraction

This. I also try to help children "rank" their level of upset: big/little or on a scale from 1-10 depending on their cognitive abilities.

[Anonymous]

You say you're reacting calmly and with empathy, but maybe you're giving her too much attention and perhaps she's doing this in order to get that attention. Start using a simple, matter-of-fact: "Are you hurt? No? You're ok, brush it off, let's go." Or "that person was just looking, it's fine, nothing happened." See how she reacts. And try changing the subject to see if she snaps out of it. When they know they aren't going to get the reaction out of you, it's amazing how quickly they can turn it off.

My DS was pretty sensitive at that age but it manifested as anger rather than sadness. Around that age, he was able to start gaining a different perspective - namely, that it's not all about him. People do and say things for all sorts of reasons but that doesn't mean it was directed at us. Role playing is helpful for this and to show other ways of handling it. Instead of crying when something happens, demonstrate to her what she can say and do (using words, removing herself from the situation, etc).

[Anonymous]

Ignore the fact that she's crying, and deal with WHY she's crying.