What would you do in my situation (additional children)

[Anonymous]

Starting this off with acknowledging I’m so so lucky and have 2 children. I started my dcum experience 6 years ago after infertility, a tough miscarriage, and a marriage crumbling from the stress of it. I remember reading the post of women on this board with existing kids and being so annoyed when I was hurting so much - I’m now asking a Q bc I think the knowledge will be on this board but please don’t take it as ungrateful for what I have if you are currently hurting and hoping.

So the Q - 6 years ago had been trying to get pregnant for 4 years. Went to shady grove and they said MF issues on basically every metric and less than 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own. Did iui and failed Ivf with no luck. Before next round of ivf I had sex with dh one time and ended up pregnant. Lost that baby at 20 weeks for unknown reasons. Stress of it all caused lots of problems in marriage which took 8mo to recover from and the second month we were having sex again ended up pregnant again and had a live birth. Had basically no sex for next 15mo (babies are exhausting, dh is low drive so neither of us cared) and decided we wanted to have a second. Contacted sg to see where we stood and they did testing and dh had same awful results and lot probability and they said go right to ivf. While I was waiting to start birth control for that got pregnant again and had second baby.

Now we would like a third if possible. Called sg and they said given I’m now 40 and dhs awful stats to start with we should go straight to ivf. Given our history though - would you try timed on your own awhile first? (This isnt easy, dh travels a lot for work)? Entirely ignore sg and find a new place? Go straight to ivf bc why waste time? (But it didn’t work before)

[Anonymous]

Definitely keep trying on your own. Why waste a chance? If you can afford it you can schedule a consult with the other clinics in the area and then decide.

[Anonymous]

I would be happy I have two and just suck it up and move on. Sometimes closing the door is the kick you need to give you best to the family you already have, without distractions. - Mom of one with no infertility issues whose husband just didn't want another.

[Anonymous]

You’re way overthinking this.

Why would you NOT try while you look into your options?

You only ovulate a few days out of the month. Make sure you schedule time to be intimate on those days. Ovulation kits are super cheap. Worst case scenario you spend $20 before you drop 20K on IVF.

[Anonymous]

Would depend how much I wanted a third. If it was “a third could be nice,” sure try on your own for 3-4 months first. If you really, really want a third, get in to Shady Grove ASAP and start IVF, or, if you’ve lost confidence in them, a different clinic.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you at least get your Day 3 numbers done at Shady Grove and see how your fertility has held up? Things could have changed from your last consult. At the very least, you'll be armed with information.

[Anonymous]

First child on my owen at 37, secondary infertility w/ DOR, had three round of natural cycle ivf at dominion, currently 41.2 yrs old and 6 m pregnant.

I went natural because second child was “nice to have” so we budgeted three cycles at 5000-6000 each

[Anonymous]

Your husband travels a lot and you want to try for a third when you already have 2 kids under 5???

Are you trying to destroy your marriage? Are you trying to drive yourself into the ground with exhaustion and stress?

Step away from this and focus on your wonderful family of four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would depend how much I wanted a third. If it was “a third could be nice,” sure try on your own for 3-4 months first. If you really, really want a third, get in to Shady Grove ASAP and start IVF, or, if you’ve lost confidence in them, a different clinic.

+1 = note it takes time to get an appointment, get all the testing done, etc... you will have at least two months from calling to surgery to try on your own....

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this post. You’ve conceived two heathy children naturally. Why wouldn’t you just do that again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this post. You’ve conceived two heathy children naturally. Why wouldn’t you just do that again?

Sorry if it wasn't clear. The first one took 5 years of trying to conceive including 4 years to natural "trying" and several rounds of failed intervention. Consistently DHs numbers have been awful. From SGs perspective lightning struck for us twice as the odds were incredibly low and the 5 years of trying for the 1st backed that up.

[Anonymous]

Difficult marriage - I would be grateful for the ones you have and I would try natural first.

[Anonymous]

I would try naturally for, say, the next 3-4 months while you concurrently get your consultation, testing and all else in order with Shady Grove. Then I would go straight to IVF. I would not try for awhile and then start getting things together to begin the IVF process...you unfortunately do not have time or the health of your husband’s sperm on your side. If you are truly serious about having a third and knowing so much is stacked against you, I would get off of this board and schedule your appointment to start the process ASAP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry everyone is being so nasty.

I did IVF for all 3 of my children. Took 9 cycles- 3 fresh, 6 frozen. First was conceived after 2 fresh and then the first frozen transfer. Second child was second transfer that time around. Third child I used 3 last frozen embryos, went back for ANOTHER fresh, and then the first transfer.

Everyone gave me sh**t for doing IVF to have a third kid, I should be grateful blah blah blah. I did immune testing for my third (because of chemical pregnancies). My third is napping right now he's almost 2.

DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE THE WILL AND THE STAMINA TO DO IF YOU WANT IT AND CAN AFFORD IT.

I would both a) make an ASAP appointment and start the IVF process rolling, but b) try on your own in the meantime. But given your history, and your age, dont waste too much precious time. If you're not pregnant naturally by the time the IVF process starts, just go ahead with IVF.

[Anonymous]

PP here, if it's not clear from my post: every needle, every $$, every appointment, every scan, every bruise in my tush, every early morning ultrasound etc. is worth it. in hindsight it seems like nothing and I have a third child, who I cannot remotely imagine life without.