Does anyone else have 2 (or more) hard babies/kids?

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 year old and 8 month old. Baby was born when older one was 4.5. We waited so long to have #2 because she was such a hard baby - colic, reflux, didn’t sleep well, generally grumpy/unhappy temperament, impossible toddler, always fussy, got into everything, super clingy to mom and dad, and more. Everyone told me that the second would be easier, that we were “due to experience the joy of an easy baby” the second time around. Nope, second baby is great, but is the first one reincarnated.

Pretty much the same issues so far (colic has finally passed but such a difficult personality) and the older one is so much easier now, but still not easy compared to others and can be a handful. The hardest part is sleep - they both have low sleep needs and we are beyond exhausted. The baby is sleep trained, she just does not sleep as much as others do, and neither does the older one.

Did anyone else have two really hard kids? Does it ever get better? I am really hoping they end up being relatively easy teenagers because we so deserve it, but man, as of now it seems like they are slowly killing us.

[Anonymous]

I have no help for you, but thank you for posting. My DS is just like your first, and it's a reminder that history can definitely repeat itself even though people love to say "oh have a second, I'm sure it will be a dream baby." People need to stop that.

[Anonymous]

Have two kids that met this description. First didn't sleep through the night until 2.5 years old. We were losing our minds through exhaustion. Nobody seemed to understand what we were going through. Can't say it gets better as our are pretty much the same age.

We read the book, Spirited Kids and it really resonated with us. Pretty much our kids are more of everything. More energetic, more emotional, more needy, more, more, more. Good thing is that it means they tend to have higher IQs so that should serve them well in life. We've come to terms to accept the more of everything. It is hard. I just think about how Einstein's or Jefferson's parents must have felt with smart kids that never stopped.

[Anonymous]

My kids are also both pretty low sleep needs. They are otherwise good kids so I can't complain much but yeah - we are exhausted. I'm pretty sure it's genetic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we have two hard kids. Ages 6 and 9. Difficult behavior wise and medical issues. It’s why we never went for a third, although I always imagined myself as a mom of 3. I am jealous of families that I perceive to have easier kids. Every kid seems easier than mine.

[Anonymous]

My 2 were colicky, had reflux, didn’t sleep much. Ugh. I am so sorry. They are older now and delightful mostly. They love hanging out at home, and I think really know I love them no matter what.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 children who have learning disabilities. The oldest is in middle school and the youngest is in middle elementary school.

What I would tell you now is learn how to support the children you have - and not what a book or parenting guide says.

My oldest has ADHD and he could care less about "logical consequences" - what we have realized is that the more limits we put on things, the more he is stressed about his options. Example, you can use the computer to play games until 6 PM. But then you need to do homework. He is so focused on the limit. We have changed the rules and said - OK computer is off at 9:30 and we expect homework to be done. With this option, he makes sure things get done. It is against all the guidance we have been told - but it works for our child.

Give them hugs and kisses tonight - this stage will be gone before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have two kids that met this description. First didn't sleep through the night until 2.5 years old. We were losing our minds through exhaustion. Nobody seemed to understand what we were going through. Can't say it gets better as our are pretty much the same age.

We read the book, Spirited Kids and it really resonated with us. Pretty much our kids are more of everything. More energetic, more emotional, more needy, more, more, more. Good thing is that it means they tend to have higher IQs so that should serve them well in life. We've come to terms to accept the more of everything. It is hard. I just think about how Einstein's or Jefferson's parents must have felt with smart kids that never stopped.

My both boys are like this. Very very strong personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5 year old and 8 month old. Baby was born when older one was 4.5. We waited so long to have #2 because she was such a hard baby - colic, reflux, didn’t sleep well, generally grumpy/unhappy temperament, impossible toddler, always fussy, got into everything, super clingy to mom and dad, and more. Everyone told me that the second would be easier, that we were “due to experience the joy of an easy baby” the second time around. Nope, second baby is great, but is the first one reincarnated.

Pretty much the same issues so far (colic has finally passed but such a difficult personality) and the older one is so much easier now, but still not easy compared to others and can be a handful. The hardest part is sleep - they both have low sleep needs and we are beyond exhausted. The baby is sleep trained, she just does not sleep as much as others do, and neither does the older one.

Did anyone else have two really hard kids? Does it ever get better? I am really hoping they end up being relatively easy teenagers because we so deserve it, but man, as of now it seems like they are slowly killing us.

Sometimes it gets better, sometimes not, but parenting is rarely easy, I think. My first kid was an absolutely awful baby. He was never "portable" like you hear people talk about -- he was never, ever quiet (in a restaurant, say) and would only sleep when in motion or nursing. I was out doing 4-5 mile walks in January to get him to sleep. He was also low sleep needs - dropped to one nap before 1 year and to no naps before 2.5 - and just overall a very loud, very energetic, very demanding baby. Sleep training was a nightmare and potty training was worse. He didn't eat solid food until over 1 year old. He is 6 now. He can still be challenging because he has a forceful personality and what seems to be some anxiety. He is extremely loud -- we are constantly telling him to lower his voice. He talks all the time. He argues because he's convinced his way of doing things is better. He is a picky eater and doesn't like mundane foods like rice or potatoes, which makes it difficult to eat out. However, he's also smart, very sweet, kind, a great big brother. He is always happy and cheerful. Even when he has a tantrum (he still has tantrums at 6!) he snaps out it very fast and never sulks. We have found that consistency and limits are really key with him. As is sufficient sleep, outdoor time, and exercise. Within these constraints, he's a great kid, and he is improving all the time. It's frustrating in the moment but when I look back I can see the progress.

My second child was hard in different ways. She was an even worse sleeper -- she didn't sleep through the night until 18 months. She refused a bottle even at day care and nursed until 19 months (I was ready to stop at 12 but felt I could not because she wouldn't take a bottle). She didn't eat very much, necessitating weight checks. She was cranky a lot. We had to sing particular songs over and over to calm her down. She wanted to be worn in a carrier all the time until she was over a year. She's 2.5 now and actually quite easy compared to her brother at the same age. She still naps once a day, for one thing, although she's starting to drop it. She eats a much wider array of foods. She is much quieter. She potty trained in a few days (instead of the nearly 1 year it took DS). She is still somewhat moody but she doesn't have crazy tantrums like he did. On the other hand she tests boundaries more than he did at that age -- but less than he does now. She's much more flexible and independent, which I think is a combination of being more introverted and also being left alone more, as a second child. She has severe carsickness, which makes driving difficult and limits some of the activities we'd like to do. She is insanely clingy with me (mom) and always has been. But overall she's pretty good.

So looking back over what I wrote, which is too long anyway, it's been my experience that their personalities remain roughly the same but they get easier as they get older and more independent. I'm really looking forward to when the younger one is 5. Halfway there!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my DS and I understand what you mean. I've been scared to have another and those with easier babies just don't understand. My main advice is don't let criticism or judgement by others bother you and have some ready made responses for snarky comments. For example, DS was really colicky and a pacifier was a great help. A friend of mine would always comment on how she hates them and never used them for her kids. Told her one day that although her kids may not have needed one, I wish she could use one as she needed to learn when to be quiet. That was the last time I heard that comment - lol