Why is she mad at me?

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced. My daughter’s best friends parents were friends with me and my ex, a “couple friend” that I was okay with losing in the divorce, and I don’t see all that often unless the girls want to get together. They have me over about once a month and I have them every few months. My ex wife and the other girls mom are best friends.

I’ve been dating the best woman for over a year now. She is an amazing and beautiful partner. She gets along great with my kids. But I really want to keep her away from this family. I know that anything we do with them will be automatically reported to my ex. I dont want to deal with drama there.

My GF is mad that I don’t include her with this family, even though I’ve told her why. I schedule these get togethers for when she’s not free anyway when possible. We really don’t argue about anything except for this.

[Anonymous]

So you get together with them at least once a month. Do you get together with other friends more frequently than that and is your significant other invited to those gatherings?
What I’m trying to get at is the ratio between your SO being invited to go out with your friends to her not being invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you get together with them at least once a month. Do you get together with other friends more frequently than that and is your significant other invited to those gatherings?
What I’m trying to get at is the ratio between your SO being invited to go out with your friends to her not being invited.

I get together with other friends (with kids and without) a couple of times a month. Maybe once a month per couple/family. She’s always invited to those. I just see this family when the girls want to get together and it works.

[Anonymous]

Two things:

1. Your ex is still running your life to a certain extent, and she doesn’t limit. You’re keeping her form these friends because of how your ex will react, thereby prioritizing her over your girlfriend.

2. You keeping your girlfriend from this family is a sign that you’re not serious about her. If you were serious, considering marriage, etc., this would be a non-issue because your ex would meet her in person at some point. That you don’t see this as a necessary eventuality means you’re not sure you see future with her. That’s a lousy position for her to be in after investing a year in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

She sounds young and kind of crazy.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and how old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you and how old is she?

She’s 41. I’m two years older. My daughter is 12.

[Anonymous]

I understand wanting to minimize drama with your ex at the beginning of a new relationship before you know where it's going, but you've been dating for a year. Don't let your ex have control over your life at this point. Introduce your GF to the family. Don't have sex in front of them, I guess. I'm not sure what you'll do that will be reported back. And if they are into creating drama, they aren't your friends anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two things:

1. Your ex is still running your life to a certain extent, and she doesn’t limit. You’re keeping her form these friends because of how your ex will react, thereby prioritizing her over your girlfriend.

2. You keeping your girlfriend from this family is a sign that you’re not serious about her. If you were serious, considering marriage, etc., this would be a non-issue because your ex would meet her in person at some point. That you don’t see this as a necessary eventuality means you’re not sure you see future with her. That’s a lousy position for her to be in after investing a year in your relationship.

This.

[Anonymous]

I think the GF needs to get over it. I don't see you not taking her around this family as you not being serious about her. It seems that you're just trying to minimize drama in your life and I get that. I don't want my ex-spouse knowing any of my business either. To me, it's not about letting your ex run your life, if anything, you're trying to keep the peace in your life. Sounds like your ex is the wild card. You can only control what you do.

[Anonymous]

She wants to be the mrs. need to tell her you’re not ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two things:

1. Your ex is still running your life to a certain extent, and she doesn’t limit. You’re keeping her form these friends because of how your ex will react, thereby prioritizing her over your girlfriend.

2. You keeping your girlfriend from this family is a sign that you’re not serious about her. If you were serious, considering marriage, etc., this would be a non-issue because your ex would meet her in person at some point. That you don’t see this as a necessary eventuality means you’re not sure you see future with her. That’s a lousy position for her to be in after investing a year in your relationship.

This.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, does your daughter know this person?

[Anonymous]

Your GF sounds insecure. If she wants to be involved with these people and your XW, she should invite them to kid centered events at her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two things:

1. Your ex is still running your life to a certain extent, and she doesn’t limit. You’re keeping her form these friends because of how your ex will react, thereby prioritizing her over your girlfriend.

2. You keeping your girlfriend from this family is a sign that you’re not serious about her. If you were serious, considering marriage, etc., this would be a non-issue because your ex would meet her in person at some point. That you don’t see this as a necessary eventuality means you’re not sure you see future with her. That’s a lousy position for her to be in after investing a year in your relationship.

This.

+1.

I agree. Your girlfriend sees that you are not considering her seriously. Please think this through. Is she the one? Are you OK living under your ex’s thumb forever?