Would you end a friendship because your spouse had an issue with that person?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friends with let’s call her Jane from work for a few years. When we started going out with our husbands and doing dinners DH liked her. He’s acquaintances with her husband. They never became buddies but it’s worked. Anyway, we had them over for the holidays earlier this week and Jane has a little too much to drink and said a few things my husband found annoying. They almost got into a spat but changed the subject. This morning he told me to count him out next time we get together. I think he’s being hard on her. Yes, she has a mouth but she’s also reliable, has a good heart and has helped us in two emergency situations since we met. No one is perfect and my husband can be very unforgiving and forget he’s not perfect, either. I have no intention of dropping her but I know she will take note of my husbands absence at some point. He basically thinks she’s a moron and said so much.

[Anonymous]

I would see her for coffee one on one more often and wait until your husband relaxes before possibly inviting them as a couple... or not. It depends on whether she is truly trustworthy and reliable as a friend.

We have such a friend, and honestly probably would never have befriended him if he hadn’t been my best friend’s husband. He’s outspoken and can get heated, but on the other hand, he’s generous and ready to lend a hand when we need it. Your husband had to see how much your friend had helped you and might help you again.

[Anonymous]

Sure wouldn't. I just wouldn't intermingle those relationships anymore. If he's that annoyed by her she's going to pick up on it eventually anyway.

[Anonymous]

Has, not had

[Anonymous]

Why does the title of your post ask if one would “end a friendship” but in your post you say you have “no intention of dropping her.”

What exactly are you asking here? What are you hoping to get out of posting?

[Anonymous]

Cool it for a few weeks. Seems like he’ll get over it.

[Anonymous]

I think Jane and your DH have hooked up and he feels uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been friends with let’s call her Jane from work for a few years. When we started going out with our husbands and doing dinners DH liked her. He’s acquaintances with her husband. They never became buddies but it’s worked. Anyway, we had them over for the holidays earlier this week and Jane has a little too much to drink and said a few things my husband found annoying. They almost got into a spat but changed the subject. This morning he told me to count him out next time we get together. I think he’s being hard on her. Yes, she has a mouth but she’s also reliable, has a good heart and has helped us in two emergency situations since we met. No one is perfect and my husband can be very unforgiving and forget he’s not perfect, either. I have no intention of dropping her but I know she will take note of my husbands absence at some point. He basically thinks she’s a moron and said so much.

Op, all your husband was don’t include him in social plans. Not a problem. Nix couple get togethers and remain friends with this woman.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Sorry for the confusion. I should have included more details. Here’s the thing- Jane is very into couple activities. She loves holding dinner parties and it will be nit be taken lightly if I start showing up alone. I’m fine going alone but she’s not. She already invited us for a long weekend away with them. Invited our kids too. She sees us as close friends and in her mind it’s probably all forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Jane and your DH have hooked up and he feels uncomfortable.

+1

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that I’ve been close to for a while. She can honestly be annoying. DH downright dislikes her. She doesn’t know this but now we only do outings with the kids. She will notice eventually but what can I do? He doesn’t like her.

[Anonymous]

Poster from above, we meaning her and I.

[Anonymous]

I would say no to couple activities. Let's face it, your DH won't be attending. Have some excuses ready.

[Anonymous]

I have a handful of friends who my DH doesn’t love. It’s fine. There is one friendship I ended bc the woman was so strange with my DH, like wouldn’t talk to him, look at him, interact with him. V bizarre. My line is sort of around how comfortable/uncomfortable someone is making my spouse. If a person genuinely makes my DH uncomfortable I tend to sunset the friendship. But if my DH thinks someone is a ding dong, then whatever. He’s a ding dong too sometimes.

However I really think my spouse is a solid person who historically has made zero to few demands on my time/social life/etc so it’s easy for me to want to meet him where he is.

[Anonymous]

I would trust my DH. He’s a batter judge of people than I am. He is also really tolerant of people’s quirks and human failings. If he saw something in a friend that I didn’t, I would know he wasn’t overreacting. On the other hand, my ex hated my friend group from college and we’re going strong three decades later, while I divorced him 14 years ago.

You know whether your DH is a hot head or a poor judge of character.