Unequal gift giving — godparents. How to explain?

[Anonymous]

My BIL and SIL are the godparents of my younger child and get her very nice gifts every year for Christmas and birthdays. My older daughter’s god parents (my sister and her husband) get her nothing. No acknowledgment— not even a card. Would this upset you?

[Anonymous]

No. Birthday and Christmas gifts are not a social
Expectation from godparents.

[Anonymous]

Are you upset on the godparent front, or because your sister doesn’t acknowledge her generally (irrespective of also being the godparent)? If the former, I don’t think that is a big deal. If the latter, it’s an issue with your sister generally. I always bought presents for my niece and nephew before I had kids because that’s just who I am.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird not to acknowledge a niece or nephew for birthdays & christmas. I assume the relationship between you and your sister is strained? And it's not about the money. I understand not everyone is in a position to buy big gifts, but I can't imagine not sending a card and a small token.

[Anonymous]

What can you do about it? The only thing is to ask ILs to stop giving gifts.

[Anonymous]

OK so here is another perspective- what was your sister and your relationship like with your godparents? My brother and his wife were very upset that i didn't go nuts on holidays for my nephew-my godson. But that wasn't the relationship we had with our godparents- this was an expectation that my SIL brought in that I knew nothing about- and I felt weird when I was attacked with her family expectations (Italian - NY).

[Anonymous]

No. And I don’t think this is unusual. We had the same tradition in my extended family growing up and my (3) siblings and I did not get equal gifts - in some cases/some years we may have gotten nothing at all, in fact. It wasn’t a big deal to us and I wouldn’t make it into one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. And I don’t think this is unusual. We had the same tradition in my extended family growing up and my (3) siblings and I did not get equal gifts - in some cases/some years we may have gotten nothing at all, in fact. It wasn’t a big deal to us and I wouldn’t make it into one.

+1 if you don't mention it/harp on it, they won't notice. Godchild relationships cannot be equal. Too many dynamics at play. Did you know people hankered for the queen to be godmother to their child? She gave maybe a baptism gift and that was it. It was all bragging rights.

[Anonymous]

I find it odd that bil and sil do not give equal gifts to both your kids. Not sure how I would handle it though....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can you do about it? The only thing is to ask ILs to stop giving gifts.

No. Life is not always equal. And presents for kids do not need to be either. You don’t disrupt the good relationship that one set of godparents has because the other is different.

[Anonymous]

This was the situation in my family growing up. It just was what it was. My older sister got lucky and the rest of us learned that life isn’t fair and we’re not entitled to something just because someone else gets it. It was a bit of a family joke that we had fun with. Even though my godparents rarely did anything for me other than an extra hug, my mother taught us to value our god parents regardless of physical gifts and that the relationship wasn’t one way. I still send mine a Christmas card in her retirement home 40 years later even though my mom has died and nobody else in my family speaks to her anymore. I think those were good lessons.

[Anonymous]

I would maybe be upset at the BIL and SIL for favoring one kid at Christmas over the others. Depending on the relationship, I might ask my husband to ask his sister not to do that. Better to buy nothing or a token for everyone than generous gift for one kid, even if they are the godparents for that one. Birthdays are different because they are for one kid only. I would not be upset at my sister.

[Anonymous]

You chose poorly.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird that people chosen to attend to children’s religious instruction and upbringing don’t give a gift on Christmas, a religious holiday. Are they completely checked out of the kid’s life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL and SIL are the godparents of my younger child and get her very nice gifts every year for Christmas and birthdays. My older daughter’s god parents (my sister and her husband) get her nothing. No acknowledgment— not even a card. Would this upset you?

The post confuses me. Are you saying this aunt and uncle get their niece no gifts, period, OR they do get her some gifts as their niece but none "from your godparents"?

Based on how you write this, I figure it's the former and they give her zero gifts of any kind based on either relationship with her--neither the blood relative relationship nor the godparent relationship. Is that correct?

If they got her presents "from aunt Sue and uncle Joe" I would not expect additional gifts "from your godparents, Sue and Joe." But if they give her no gifts or even a card or call for birthdays or Christmas as her aunt and uncle, that seems odd--IF and only if they give gifts to/acknowledge you, other adults, other kids.

Do they not give your other child anything at Christmas?

Do they just no do gifts for anyone at all? That's a legit choice on their part though not a popular one on DCUM or in some families. Have they ever said, "We don't give gifts" or anything?

Please clarify. Thanks.