Question for nannies

[Anonymous]

Picture this: My friend down the street with (2) elementary aged DC employs you. I have (2) SN boys (I send them everywhere together, for better or for worse), same ages as the friends' DC, my DC fight a lot. I am overwhelmed, but won't pay for a nanny or care. A second friend has (1) SN boy, again same age (she also won't pay for care), and we were thinking it would be a good idea to use the mutual friends' nanny, because it would essentially be free care. The three boys fight a lot. I don't plan on telling my friend that we are going to use her nanny, we are just going to have the nanny come over and we will leave all of the kids at my house for a few hours or so.

The nanny is the type that won't complain, so I don't see that my friend will find out that we left them all there, even if they are fighting the whole time. The (5) elementary schoolers are young enough that they probably won't say anything. The nanny would only be paid for (2) kids, but her employer pays her well, so I don't consider that my problem, nor does the other mom.

How long could this go on before you would say something to me or the mom? And what would you say?
If the mom makes us pay the nanny, how much should we be paying? The employer mom pays above market rate. Isn't that enough?
The mom does extra stuff for us all the time, like picks DCs up from school all the time, so I really don't have to bother. I am a SAHM. The other friend works from home for herself, very flexible schedule, part time. I get the distinct impression that (the mom with the nanny) - her DC don't care for my DC.

Am I being too opportunistic? Am I being a crappy human? I just want to get my nails done and things like that.

[Anonymous]

You are a crappy human.

[prettylittlething]

Lol, wow. First of all I would never agree to have extra children thrown at me for no charge, especially children that fight/misbehave and would be an extra burden. Depending on my relationship with my employer, I would probably just ask you 3 to talk and work out whether or not playdates can be arranged (where all parents know the deal) and tell my employer that I don't mind playdates for an hour but after the hour i'd like to be compensated.

[Anonymous]

Troll score: 1

[Anonymous]

What the f?

[Anonymous]

You must be the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be the nanny.

If you’re the nanny you need to tell your employer that the other moms dumped their kids with you and left. You need to decline future “play dates” with these families. Also, be proactive! Make plans with friends your charges get along with and play well together. It’s so much easier to decline pushy moms when you have other plans.

And lastly. Write your posts as yourself. No need to hide your identity in an ANONYMOUS board.

[Anonymous]

How many times have you done this????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be the nanny.

If you’re the nanny you need to tell your employer that the other moms dumped their kids with you and left. You need to decline future “play dates” with these families. Also, be proactive! Make plans with friends your charges get along with and play well together. It’s so much easier to decline pushy moms when you have other plans.

And lastly. Write your posts as yourself. No need to hide your identity in an ANONYMOUS board.

The mom with the two boys actually comes to the house when we don't answer the phone. I don't think she wants to deal with her own kids.

[Anonymous]

prettylittlething wrote:Lol, wow. First of all I would never agree to have extra children thrown at me for no charge, especially children that fight/misbehave and would be an extra burden. Depending on my relationship with my employer, I would probably just ask you 3 to talk and work out whether or not playdates can be arranged (where all parents know the deal) and tell my employer that I don't mind playdates for an hour but after the hour i'd like to be compensated.

What if my charges don't like the other kids, but the mom with the (2) boys does almost anything to not respect boundaries? I don't know what her issue is, she just doesn't care about anyone other than herself.

[Anonymous]

1. The door stays locked when I’m home with kids. I don’t care if she knocks til she breaks her hand.

2. My contract reads that I have the right to a. refuse a second playdate with any child who misbehaved the first time (I usually give a second chance, but I’m not required to do so) and b. I have the right to have any child leave who misbehaves or is ill/injured.

3. I don’t agree to supervise playdates anywhere except my charges’ home, a park or some other location (one-off only). I NEVER stay with a child who is kinder or older.

4. Playdates are reciprocated. Someone taking advantage just dumps their kids.

5. My rate for sn is much higher than my typical rate. I might offer to babysit after I get off, but it would be for only one family at a time, at my sn rate, no parents in the house (fine with cameras).

[Anonymous]

This situation sounds dangerous, especially with kids fighting. If I were the mom paying, I would be pissed. If I were either of the other moms, I'd be concerned about supervision. If I were the nanny, I would quit or let MB know that I will no longer be doing playdates and supervising additional children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

prettylittlething wrote:Lol, wow. First of all I would never agree to have extra children thrown at me for no charge, especially children that fight/misbehave and would be an extra burden. Depending on my relationship with my employer, I would probably just ask you 3 to talk and work out whether or not playdates can be arranged (where all parents know the deal) and tell my employer that I don't mind playdates for an hour but after the hour i'd like to be compensated.

What if my charges don't like the other kids, but the mom with the (2) boys does almost anything to not respect boundaries? I don't know what her issue is, she just doesn't care about anyone other than herself.

Honestly to me this sounds like so much drama I wouldn’t even want to engage. There’s a better way for you to find a few hours of childcare per week than to lie to a women who employs the nannies that you want to use, not even considering the fact that other people’s kids are involved...or that you don’t want to pay for coverage. I get that it’s hard and you probably can’t afford it. I can’t either. So I know you can find other ways. if I were you I would go and find a few playgroups in your area, meet some other moms/nannies. Make relationships and offer babysitting exchange. Google your local area and search for neighborhood/community mom and dads babysitting exchange. Get social and connect with people. All times in life this is true but especially when you have kids, sometimes you just need to ask for help. It takes a village and all that.

[Anonymous]

The other mom doesn’t want to exert any time, energy, thought - she relies on other people for resources. Wouldn’t it be nice to go through life that way? Selfish and oblivious to other people’s situations? Sounds like an immature child herself, to use other people that way. If she was genuinely bright or resourceful, the other mom would (get this) actually find her own help and actually pay market rate.

People are not only cheap, but genuinely stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This situation sounds dangerous, especially with kids fighting. If I were the mom paying, I would be pissed. If I were either of the other moms, I'd be concerned about supervision. If I were the nanny, I would quit or let MB know that I will no longer be doing playdates and supervising additional children.

The other moms don’t GAF, they are selfish and opportunistic, because they are too dumb to find their own help.