Friend’s son diagnosed with cancer

[Anonymous]

Just found out a friend’s son has been diagnosed with cancer. We live in the same city (about 30 miles away).
What to do? How to help?

[Anonymous]

I have cancer. One of the most helpful things some fri nds of mine have done is tell me when they’re at target, Trader Joe’s, etc, and ask if they can pick anything up, and drop it off. They also look for my favorite flavor seltzer, and pick it up whenever they see it.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, that's sad. How old is your friend's son? Do you have kids close in age?

I guess a lot depends on how well the boy is feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just found out a friend’s son has been diagnosed with cancer. We live in the same city (about 30 miles away).
What to do? How to help?

Show up. Don't focus on the child, focus on the friend so she can focus on the child. Be there to listen, find out the needs for the entire family, and then help. I think that most families with someone facing a medical need can use assistance in just keeping the family fed, house clean, and errands run. The medical need just sucks up time and energy. If you can help backfill that, it is one less thing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just found out a friend’s son has been diagnosed with cancer. We live in the same city (about 30 miles away).
What to do? How to help?

Show up. Don't focus on the child, focus on the friend so she can focus on the child. Be there to listen, find out the needs for the entire family, and then help. I think that most families with someone facing a medical need can use assistance in just keeping the family fed, house clean, and errands run. The medical need just sucks up time and energy. If you can help backfill that, it is one less thing to worry about.

Don’t show up unannounced.

Let the family process.

They will probably set up a care page for meals. Ask if you can do this for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, that's sad. How old is your friend's son? Do you have kids close in age?

I guess a lot depends on how well the boy is feeling.

He’s 10. They just started chemo. My kids are younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just found out a friend’s son has been diagnosed with cancer. We live in the same city (about 30 miles away).
What to do? How to help?

Show up. Don't focus on the child, focus on the friend so she can focus on the child. Be there to listen, find out the needs for the entire family, and then help. I think that most families with someone facing a medical need can use assistance in just keeping the family fed, house clean, and errands run. The medical need just sucks up time and energy. If you can help backfill that, it is one less thing to worry about.

Good advice, thank you

[Anonymous]

My nephew just finished chemo. My brother and SIL mostly needed someone to come stay with or (even better for them) home their dogs for awhile. My sister came and took their house plants for six months or so. My cousin took care of their yard. They needed to be away from home without worrying about chores and tasks.

They were in and out of the hospital so frequently because of the after affects of chemo more than the chemo itself.

When they were home we had a no visit rule. They needed to keep germs away, and have quiet family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, that's sad. How old is your friend's son? Do you have kids close in age?

I guess a lot depends on how well the boy is feeling.

He’s 10. They just started chemo. My kids are younger.

You probably know this, but keep your kids away. The boy is immuno-compromised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew just finished chemo. My brother and SIL mostly needed someone to come stay with or (even better for them) home their dogs for awhile. My sister came and took their house plants for six months or so. My cousin took care of their yard. They needed to be away from home without worrying about chores and tasks.

They were in and out of the hospital so frequently because of the after affects of chemo more than the chemo itself.

When they were home we had a no visit rule. They needed to keep germs away, and have quiet family time.

This. Offer to help with the non-glamorous stuff like walking dogs, watering plants, cleaning the house, etc. People usually focus on meals, which is great, but there is so much that goes into keeping a house running beyond food (which has gotten super easy to acquire anyway).

It depends how close you are with them - when my best friend went through a serious illness I cleaned her house and did her laundry. That's not something I'd offer for someone I didn't know well, but just think about all the things you do in a week and see if there are any that you could do for them.